Crashing PANTS & Crushing Camels
by jenjen.davieees
Summary: RATING: T/M DISCLAIMER: except plot everything is Louise Rennison's. Georgia's set for a bumpy ride as Dave is involved in a car crash and loses his memory. How will Gee cope without her Laughy man knowing her? Completed.
1. Author's Note

**Hey everyone, this is my second fanfic for Georgia Nicolson. The first is under a different user name (camels.vs.cullens) and is written with a friend. Give it a read & review please )**

**This story is set a couple of weeks after "Stop in the Name of Pants."**

**Rating: T/M. Beware, its aimed at the older Georgia Nic fans, but obviously all readers are welcome, just be warned it may get rather... detailed in parts!!**

**Anyway on with the story...**

**Georgia has just broken up with Masimo after he forbid Georgia to see Dave. Obviously she couldn't promise that so he ended it. Dave however, is still with Emma and Georgia hasn't told Dave the news yet. **

**But when Dave is in a car crash, what will happen to Georgia & Dave's relationship; past present and most importantly, future? A LOT of aggers and some nice fluff moments!!**

**I have a lot planned for this story & have written random scenes, but I want to see how people like it first before beginning to post the chapters. If it is not received well I won't keep writing it so it all depends on what you think!**

**So what do you reckon guys? Does it sound like an interesting story? Or maybe too serious for Gee? Should I post it?! Let me know all your opinions/views & then I will hopefully submit chapter one – "he can go swing his handbag elsewhere."**

**Horns out ;) **


	2. He can go swing his handbag elsewhere

**Hey everyone thank you all so much for the reviews I'm glad you want me to post my story! )**

**OH MY GOD BRILLOPADS NEWS!! ... next saturday I am heading down to cambridge to stay avec my sis at uni.. and guess who is there then? THE GODDESS HERSELF... LOUISE RENNISON!! **

**I promise i will not be leaving until i meet her!! (i shall be tracking her down yupps) Anyone have any specific questions/things you want me to say to her if i am lucky enough to find her?! I will deffo be telling her to check out this website!! ) **

**Anyway here is the first chapterrrrrr )**

"**He can go swing his handbag elsewhere"**

**Saturday October 1****ST**

**9.00pm**

**On the rack of love**

Yes that's right. Once again I am on the rack of love. Boyless and cakeless alike.

Masimo officially had an f.t. tonight and ended it with me. I feel miz.

He didn't even bother to take me to some posh Pizza-a-gogo land restaurant.

He just turned up at my door and said "Georgia let us walk." No 'Cara', no 'Bellissima', just plain jane 'Georgia'.

I had got all nice and dressed up as well. Well before I changed into the tellytubbie pjs that I'm in now.

We walked down the road and round the corner then he stopped me. He put one hand under my chin and bent down to give me a kiss on the lips. Fair beans, I thought. Bit of warmsy upsies before the proper snog.

Only that was it. Just a measly number three.

Then he leant back and sighed heavily. Quit sighing more snogging!

"Georgia I am troubled," he said and touched my cheek with his finger. "You and Dave. You are, how you say, just good friends?"

I nodded like a nodding dog. "Just friends. Amigos. Amies. Bessio buds." Great, I was talking like a parrot.

Masimo shook his head, "Sorry Georgia. I don't think this will work. You and Dave being... 'friends', it's not good for me no."

I looked at him agog as an agog thing. "But Dave is my friend." I said. Wow, that was like a proper sentence.

Masimo nodded, "Si Cara, and that is why I can no longer be your boyfriend."

Then he gave me another number three before walking around me and down the road.

**9.05pm**

I can't believe I have been dumped by a Lurrrve God. We have only been going out for like a month. Double poo with knobs on. It wasn't like in the movies. You know, when the really hot guy breaks up with his beloved and it is tearing his heart out. And they kiss passionately all night (deffo number six) and start blubbing when they have to leave.

There was none of that for moi. No blubbing. And defiantly no number six.

**10 minutes later**

Have tiptoed downstairs as quiet as a mouse to phone Jazzy Spazzy.

"Hello?" Thankgod Jas answered.

"Jazzy tis moi."

"Georgia? Why are you whispering?"

"Because Libby is asleep and I'd quite like to have my bed of pain to myself tonight for my singular self."

"What are you talking about Gee?" God she is so slow.

"Masimo dumped me." I said.

"Non!"

"Oui."

"I'm so sorry Gee. Though I suppose with the size of your red bottom it was only a matter of time before he caught you snogging Dave."

"WHAT?" I shouted, then remembered Libs so whispered, "No Mrs Vole I wasn't snogging Dave I never snog Dave" well not since the camping fandango anyway... "it was because Masimo says he doesn't like that I am friends with Dave when I am going out with him. At least I think that's what he meant. He's foreign you know."

Snuffle snuffle.

"Yes Georgia I have noticed Masimo is foreign." She huffed. What's with the visit to Strop Central? I'm the one that's been dumped by an Italian Stallion.

Pause.

**5 seconds later  
**"So are you going to tell him then?" Jas asked.

"Tell who? What? Why?"

She sighed like I was a tres tiny idiot girl. That mistakenly she is.

"Tell Dave!" She shouted down my ear. Ouchy.

"Why do I need to tell him?" What's Dave got to do with anything?

"Georgia we all know you love him."

Huh?

"Wrong Jazzy Spazzy. One, I do not love him and never have. And two, he is in love with his girlfriend Emma." I think.

She sighed again. She really is tipping the scale for being an annoying fringy friend.

"Whatever you say Georgia. I have to go now, Tom is ringing me at 9.30 and I have to be ready."

"What do you need to be ready for if he's ringing you on the phone?"

"I have to do my hair and put on some lipgloss," she said and then hung up! Charming. It's nice having a bestest pally who prefers to phone snog than comfort her chum in a dire time of need.

**11.00pm  
Tucked up in bed**

Should I ring Dave and tell him me and Masimo are over?

No. I am eschewing him with a firm hand.

But why when I am no longer betrothed to my ex-beloved?

Although he is still betrothed to Emma.

But maybe he wouldn't be if he knew I was free, he did say he loves me after all.

But he also called me an honorary bloke, that can't be good in anyone's book. Correction, in any girl's book.

And we haven't officially snogged since the camping fiasco which was like zonks ago.

Maybe he is having second thoughts due to my "generous" nose and fears if he snogs me again he won't return to earth.

**5 minutes later**

What am I worrying about Dave the Laugh for anyway? I should be blubbing in my bed of pain over my lost Italian Stallion.

Well he can go swing his handbag elsewhere. Probably at Wet Lindsey, she'd take him in a second. She has no prideosity.

Erlack! What if he goes out with Wet Lindsey? That would be triple merde.

**2 minutes later **

Maybe if I tell Dave my situation type thing, he will offer to give Masimo a good duffing up like he did Mark the Big Gob?

Great now MBG is in my head.

Donner und Blitzen.

**Sunday October 2****nd**

**Sitting on a swing in the park**

And freezing my butt off. Rosie is nice and warm next to me. But then again she is wearing a big fur (fake) coat and bushy beard and her Viking horns. Yes she is sensationally mad.

"So have you told the Laughy Man mon ami?" Rosie said after I'd told her the Masimo situation.

Why does everyone keep referring to Dave? What is it about him? Oo-er!

"No RoRo I have not and I'm not going to."

Rosie got her pipe out (!!) and pointed it at me, "Ahh but you should-eth."

I frowned, "Why should I? It's not his business."

Ha! That got her.

Maybe not.

She shook her head, "Mais oui, of course it-"

She stopped talking as Sven had suddenly appeared out of a bush and was started yoddling towards us. Saved by the Sven. There's something I never thought I'd say.

**2 minutes later**

Eww I feel like a spare whatsit. Rosie and Sven are snogging for England on the swing next to me. Sven is sat on Rosie's lap. I'm surprised the swing hasn't broke. He is not the lightest lad and that is le fact.

And now I feel miz again. People really shouldn't snog in front on new dumpees. It's not nice.

**3 minutes later**

Oh Gott in Himmel! Dave the Laugh and the lads have just appeared! They all have huge ski jackets on. In fact, they look like blown up marshmellows. What larks. Dave is in a white one. He looks like a snow man that's about to pop.

Ahh they are making their way over singing Christmas carols. Yes, Christmas carols. God knows why.

"Yo ho git off your woman Mr!" Dave yelled at Sven. He didn't really do anything but Rosie pushed him away and jumped off the swing so she could give the lads the Klingon salut.

"Howdy lads!" She said, then jumped back on Sven to snog him some more. Right, because they don't do that often.

I said, "Dave, why in our Lord Sandra's name are you singing Christmas carols it's October!"

He grinned and said, "Maybe but it's cold enough for December, so we are just sprucing up the mood."

What is he on about? As usual I will be the last to know.

**5 minutes later**

All of us (me Rosie Sven Dave Rollo Dec Ed and Tom) are squished onto the swing area. You know the springy-type flooring underneath the swings in case someone falls off. You laugh but it happens. To me quite regularly actually. And to Rosie when she is snogging Sven.

Anyway we are all sat in a mini-circle trying to "conserve body heat" as Mr Vole man (i.e. Hunky) pointed out. I made sure I didn't sit next to Dave to avoid any eye brow rising from Rosie. Unfortunately though I am now sat opposite him and I can't help staring at him. He is quite fit looking in a fit looking kind of way. And his greeny-brown eyes are really noticeable against that white puffy thing he's wearing.

Merde, I think Rosie caught me because she said, "Lads, Dave," and she looked at him meaningfully and wiggled her eyebrows, "Georgia has some news."

They all looked agog as agog things can be and stared at me.

I frowned at Rosie and shook my head, "Actually I don't."

"Mais oui you do!" She argued.

Rollo cut in, "What is it?"

"Just tell us!" Ed chimed in.

"Jaaaa groovster let rip!" Yes that was Sven.

I carried on shaking my head but then Rosie opened her overly large mouth and said, "Gee and the Italian man are no more."

There were a few gasps around the circle. I kept my head down looking at the ground in a digniosity kind of way.

**8 minutes later**

Thankfully everyone grew bored of questioning me when I pulled my hood up and pretended to fall asleep. Unfortunately though I now have a bad case of neck ache and am finding it tres hard to breathe.

The lads have started to play rugby (without taking the coats off) and it is vair vair funny watching them roll over and tackle each other.

Dave is refusing to play because he will "get his white-tastic coat dirty". How girlish of him.

I said to him, "Dave how girlish of you."

He just shrugged. What's with the shrugging? Has he got the cold-shoulder with me? Whyyyyy?!

**30 seconds later**

I am frozen in frozen land (or the park) and must retire to my bed of pain.

I said to everyone, "I'm going home to the Swiss Family Mad now before my phalanges drop off."

Rosie said, "Toodles mon ami!" and carried on snogging her Sven. Quel surprise!

I then scampered off quick as a quick thing before the lads decided to rugby tackle me as a "friendly goodbye send off".

**2 minutes later**

**Walking through the park**

Blimey O'riley it's cold! My toesies have gone all numb and I'm shivering like a shivering thing on shivering tablets; i.e. a lot.

I wish I had worn a coat now.

"Kittykat!" Someone shouted. Well duh, obviously it's Dave. Who else calls me Kittykat you fules?!

I stopped and turned around. There he was panting up to me.

"Yes...Dave?" I stuttered. Shattering teeth is not attractive that is le fact.

"Is it true?" He asked. Wait, something was wrong. He was being Dave the Unlaugh!! Go away get your camel back!!

I nodded glumly. I tried to avoid his eyes but its tres hard. It's like he's doing sticky eyes with me. Or maybe the cold has just frozen them there.

"Why?" He asked in a serious (uh-oh) voice.

I gulped, "Because I wouldn't stop seeing you."

Dave's eyes widened a teensy bit. Suddenly I was beginning to heat up... a lot.

**Hmmm.. bit of a cliff hanger there! But hopefully that'll keep the reviews coming before I post the next chappy! )**

**p.s I am now really happy because i'm watching xfactor and am LOVING the boyband! (i'm a BIG boyband fan :P)**

**p.p.s and it doesn't hurt that they are groovy bananas looking :P**

**p.p.s if you watch xfactor, does anyone else think that when Austen has his hair slicked across his face he looks likes creepy thin man from charlie's angels?!**


	3. Latenight Breakup

**Woooooo thanks for all the encouraging reviews! I lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve them!! )**

**I'm soooo glad you all like this! Got a lot planned for this story! **

**Keep reviewing.. I really wanna hit 20! :P**

**enjoy...**

"**Late-night breakup"**

"_Why?" He asked in a serious (uh-oh) voice. _

_I gulped, "Because I wouldn't stop seeing you."_

_Dave's eyes widened a teensy bit. Suddenly I was beginning to heat up... a lot. _

**Sunday October 2****nd**

**4.00pm**

Dave took a teeny step towards me but then stopped.

"Oh," he said.

Pause.

Great no one is talking. It's like a silent fest out here.

"Are you cold?" Dave said ages later. I shook my head. It wasn't a lie. Sure I felt like my toes and fingers and nose and lips were going to fall off from that hypothermia thingy, but with Dave standing right there I was feeling rather warm. And pre-jelloid. Yepp, defiantly pre-jelloid heat.

I took a step towards Dave so we were like inches apart. Where did that come from? Actually I think I know where it came from because I think I know what Rosie and Jas and everyone else think about me because I think it might be true. Well not totally true. Obviously I don't _love _Dave but he does make me go jelloid and is fit beyond belief and melts me with his gorgey eyes and makes me have the horn. But I don't love him.

Dave gulped and looked at me. Sticky eyes again. Then he did the strangest thing. He leant down at pressed his forehead against mine and sighed. Only it wasn't an "oh what a brillopads moment" sigh but more of a "crap what is this mess?" sigh.

Merde.

Dave closed his eyes and said really quietly, "I have to go now. I have some stuff to think about."

"Emma," I said before I could stop myself. He nodded slowly which kind of hurt my forehead as he moved but I didn't say anything.

"Erm... ok."

That was good right? He would break up with Emma, then ask me to be his official snogging partner and everything would be brillopads and marvy and cool beans with knobs. Yepp, that sounds like a plan.

Dave kissed me on the cheek before turning and walking off into the park. Poo. What is it with lads and measly kisses?! I can't get a decent snog these days.

**7.00pm**

**Hiding in my bedroom from the Swiss Family Mad**

Dave hasn't called me yet. Why hasn't he called? It's been like ten hours!! Or two. Same diff.

Surely he should have called me right after he broke up with Emma. Which should have been straight away. That is tip top boy decorum. Yupp.

Unless, maybe Dave is unfamiliar with this code of sorts. Well I did just make it up but still...

**2 minutes later**

Decided to forget about Dave and concentrate on more important things. I have my digniosity.

What outfit should I wear for our first date? Well not our first date because we went about before when I used him as a red herring and all but I meant our second first date. Yes that one.

Leather skirt and knee-high boots say maturiosity at all times. Or is it slut and prostitude? Jas will know, being the wise woman of the forest of course.

Speaking of the Vole woman, I should probably call her to mention the brillopads news. She will probably be annoyed because she is going out with Hunky tonight and takes about six hours to get ready. She is so vain.

**1 minute later  
**Calling Jazzy Spazzy.

"Hello?!" Giddygodspjs she sounds stressed.

"Erm... hi Jas it's me."

"Me who?!" Snappy snappy.

"Me Georgia Nicolson. You know, your bestest pally for forever and a bit."

"What do you want Georgia?"

"No need to be ratty with me Voley," I said, (haha I am a comedy genius if I do say so myself) "I just have some marvy beyond belief news for you."

"This isn't a good time ok! Hunky is coming round in ten minutes and I haven't sorted out my fringe!"

What did I tell you? Vain.

"Why don't you just flick it to the side?" I suggested being full of generosity. Plus, I wouldn't be able to tell her my news if she didn't stop having an f.t.

Pause.

Shuffle.

Flicky flicky.

**2 minutes later**

"Jas?"

Puff puff pant.

"Here."

"So can I tell you my news?"

She sighed, (how nice) "Go on then Gee."

"Ok mon pally. A certain man with a camel found out that me and Masimo have fled the nest and he is currently departing from is not-so-beloved Emma."

"Non!" God she is dramatic.

"Mais oui! In fact I am expecting his call any mo now."

"Gee that's fantastic!" Wow, she actually sounded sincere. I will give her a midget gem at Stalag 14 tomorrow. If I remember and don't eat them all first that is.

"That it is Jazzy that it is," I said in a wise way that reflects me best.

"Right I have to go now! I will talk to you tomorrow. Meet at mine yeah? Later Gee!"

Typico. Dump the friend when there is a boy at hand. But I will forgive her because I am such a kind soul.

**11.30pm**

Dave still hasn't rang me. He should have rang me by now. Should I ring him? No, I have more pridiosity than that.

**30 seconds later  
**Ringing Dave.

No answer. Merde.

Maybe he is out dumping Emma. Yes that is what he is doing. It is a late-night break up because he is nocturnal like a vampire. A sexy lip nibbling vampire.

I wish he would ring me so we can hurry up and become official snogging partners, specific horns-a-go-go.

**5 minutes later**

I will never fall asleep now. I shall lie awake until he calls me. Which he will. So I will not be lying awake very long and that is le fact.

If I close my eyes a wee bit, I can practically see Dave picking up the phone...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

**Monday October 3****rd**

**8.35am**

Puff pant puff pant!!

Running down the road like a loon towards Jazzy Spazzy. She is sat on her wall staring at her watch. Typico. What does she think? That she can turn back time? Pfft good luck.

Can't believe I fell asleep last night. I bet Dave was wondering why I didn't pick up the phone. But at least the elderly loons weren't woken up. I would have gotten a right ear-full from Vati and no one wants to see his badger quivering late at night. Or at any time for that matter.

"Georgia!" Jas said jumping off the wall. Christ on bike I just saw her over-sized pantaloons. What a lovely sight in the morning. Not.

She's trying to act all surprised that I'm here. Fat chance fringy, I know she was watching (and scowling) as I was coming down the street.

I smiled at her and carried on walking so she had to run to catch up. Haha.

"Gee what happened?! What did he say?! Did he like officially ask you out?!"

"No he didn't because I feel asleep."

"You fell asleep?" She said.

"Yes you dim-witted fool I fell asleep!"

**1 minute later**

Hobbling along after Jas. Corr that girl has a hefty kick. I wonder if they teach her that at the ramblers association for rambling ramblers?

Probably. They're all violent nutters to anything but a vole. Or owl.

**Lunch**

**Sitting on the knicker-toaster. **

Or the radiator as the olds (and boring folk) say.

Blimey its nippy noodles outside.

But my knickknacks are toasty warm!

Boring day at Stalag 14. But then, when is it ever interesting?

Well actually, there was that time when Elvis broke his leg or something because I mouthed "Jas is on fire!" at him through his window and then he stumbled out and fell over his wheelbarrow. But then again I was suspended for that...

And the MacUseless rehearsals were vair amusant especially since the lads from Foxwood joined us. That was when Dave started the whole "PANTS" business.

Hmm... I wonder if Dave is worried about me because I didn't answer last night. He must be tip-top on the losing it scale. See if my parents were normal folk (fat chance) then I would have a mobile and Dave would be able to ring-eth me now to make sure I'm still alive and haven't been eaten by moths from Jas's collection.

But live and let live I say. I shall just have to wait till after tortuous hell (i.e. Stalag 14) is over, then I can see him.

And snog him.

Snog him to within an inch of his life.

Yummy scrumboes.

**5 minutes later**

Rosie is giving me the eyebrow raise. I've managed to avoid the interrogations so far but I fear the beard is soon to make an appearance.

**5 seconds later**

Yep it's out.

"Dear dear Gee you have some explaining to do." Rosie said.

Everyone turned to look at me. Brillopads.

"He hasn't called her yet." Jas blurted out. Thanks bestest pally.

Bit more eyebrow rising.

"Actually I fell asleep before he-"

Mabs butted in, "So has he broken up with Emma?"

I nodded, "That is le plan."

Everyone grinned.

"And you two are... you know... gonna be together... like now he has... you know."

Oh yes of course I know Ellen you are talking complete sense as always.

I thought it was her obsession with Dave the Laugh that brought on her stutteringness. But basically it's any boy-type that gives her the horn. I.e. Dec.

"Yes yes and thrice yes!" I said. That should clear things up.

**3.45pm**

**Ambling home**

All aloney on my owney.

The Ace Gang have all gone to Jas's but I'm going home because that is where my nearly one and only Dave will be waiting for me since he wasn't at Stalag 14.

Why wasn't he at Stalag 14?

Hunky was there for Jas. And even Dec for Ellen. Which by the way sent her into the ditherspaz of the century. What joys for the rest of us trying to help a jittering twit put on eyeliner. If she got a pencil in her eye she has only herself to blame. And maybe Rosie. But she should know better than to give RoRo anything sharp anyway.

**Home**

Where's Dave? Why isn't he here? He really isn't tip top on the boyfriend scale at the mo. I shall have to educate him.

At least the Swiss Family Mad aren't in. That's a plus in anyone's books. I am free to roam around and empty the cupboards of... yepp dried cereal and cheese. Yum.

Maybe I should ring Dave? He's probably just forgotten my number or something. Typico.

No! Glacosity! I have my pride. I shall just keep busy till he rings. Let's see...

**4.00pm**

In the bath. It's actually rather relaxing without Vati banging on the door. I've even shaved my legs and they are super duper smoothy smooth. Cool beans. Right, face pack on.

**5.30pm**

Out of the bath and outfit chosen. I am a Sex Kitty of highest waters that is le fact.

Checking the phone. Message from the elderly loons. Apparently they are staying out late at some party fandango. Probably involving Uncle Eddie's cod piece. Erlack-a-pongos. I do not want to know any more.

No messages from Dave. Poo.

**6.00pm**

Ringing Dave.

No answer. Where in Lord Sandra's basoomers is he? I am a bored whatsit with no boyfriend to snog. Or a pal to talk to. I can't phone the Ace Gang until I have news about Dave. Which should have been hours ago.

Ho hum pigs bum I suppose I can put my makeup on. In peace and quiet. I think I shall do it up all spooky, with lots of black eyeliner and dark eye shadow. I look vair mysterious.

**9.00pm**

Ringing Dave. Again.

"Hello?" So the boy can answer his phone.

"Dave, it's me Georg-"

"Oh hi." He cut me off. How rude.

"I'm coming round." He said. Wow that's more like it. Taking the bull by the whatsit and cutting straight to the snogging.

Wait, taking the bull by the whatsits properly would have been coming round last night and having a snog fest then...

Ahh well I shall forgive him as he is basically now my one and only official snogging partner. I shall be Mrs Laugh of the Laughy man who rides a camel with two humps for two. Perfectamondo.

**15 minutes later  
**Doorbell's just gone but I am walked vair slowly to answer it. A keen-cat is not a good look. Play glaciosity like the Sex Kitty I am.

Oh screw it I need a snog.

Pant pant...

"Dave!" I said after opening the door.

Blimey O'Reilly he doesn't look too good. Oh merde I sense Dave the Unlaugh coming on. Or already here. In fact I've just opened my door to an Unlaugh in unlaugh land. Maybe if I close and open it again he will be all smiley and cheeky and... well... Dave.

Hold the phone, why is he all sulky and poo and merde? He should be happy because we are about to become official horn blowers (oo-er) for each other.

"I'm sorry." He said in a vair quiet voice.

Sorry? "That's ok, I didn't expect you to call straight away." I lied. Remember, glaciosity.

He shook his head, "No. I mean I'm _sorry_."

I frowned. "Ok, what for?"

He looked up at me. His eyes were all watery and gloomy and sad. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't break up with her."

What?! No no no no no no no no!!

I stared at him like a slapped fish. Which I might as well have been.

"Whattt.. wh-y?" God now I was an Ellen slapped fish. Marvy.

"She cares about me Georgia. And let's face it, the only reason you want me now is because your handbag man broke up with you."

I shook my head and some wet stuff came flying off. Oh my Lord Sandra I was blubbing! Blubbing over Dave the Laugh!

He looked at me again then took a step away. Come back!

"I need to make this work. I'm sorry Georgia. I'm sorry..."

I could barely hear him as he repeated that all the way down the path. I think my ears have filled with my tears from blubbing. What is the matter with me?

No, what is the matter with him?! Why hasn't he broken up with Emma? That was the plan! Instead he's basically broken up with me. And we weren't even going out. And I've not snogged him in zonks and... and...

I think I need to blub some more.

**First bit of aggers!! (the breakup with Masimo doesn't count.. he's a fule :P)**

**let me know what you all think...**

**horns outttttttt ;)**

**p.s. any twilight fans out there? (thats a stupid question I know who doesn't love twilight?!)**

**anyway please check out a one-shot fanfic I wrote thats set in breaking dawn during the honeymoon... yepp its that scene Stephanie missed out! boo her! .. anyway it's not that graffic but I did rate it m just incaseeee.. just a wee warning! :P but please review it if you likeeee )**


	4. Social Suicide

**Hey everyone sorry I haven't updated in a while but I've been visiting my sis at uni.. where unfortunately I did NOT get to see Louise Rennison. Boo Hiss. I did try my hardest to find the so called "central library" where she was supposed to have had her interview, but apparently that building only exists on the map and NOT in real life. Seriously, I spent ages standing in the place on the map (in real life not on the map like Joey does on friends) and it was definatly not there. So I am stumped. **

**Ahhh well...**

**DISCLAIMER - I own NOTHING that you recognise especially the marvy characters. **

**enjoyyyyyyy**

"**Social Suicide"**

_He looked up at me. His eyes were all watery and gloomy and sad. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't break up with her."_

_..._

_I think I need to blub some more. _

**Tuesday October 4****th**

**8.00a.m**

**In my bed of pain. **

**Again. **

I'm not getting up. No way. There is more chance of Angus getting manners than me going to Stalag 14. I am all ready in the valley of the merde I do not need to be reminded of that by Hawkeye and her team of Hitler youths.

Maybe if I just stay under my covers then Mutti will forget to wake me up in time.

**1 minute later**

"Georgia get out of bed now you're going to be late for school!"

Typical. The one day she decides to act like a real mum.

I shouted, (though it was muffled because of the duvet) "There you are wrong Mutti! I will not be late because I'm not going!"

Bang, bang, stomp, bang.

Someone has just barged in through the door.

"Georgia get up now." Great, Mutti's here.

"No!"

"Georgia-"

"No! There is no chance in hell I am going to school!"

**8.40a.m**

Walking to school.

Merde merde and thrice merde.

How many things can be wrong with a person's life?

I have no make-up on and look like a drowned rat.

My hair has taken a trip to frizz ville and apparently didn't get a return ticket.

My very nearly-boyfriend is not my very nearly-boyfriend and will never be my boyfriend because he is in love with a stupid caring twit called Emma.

My supposed bestest friend/fringey twit is looking at me all excitedly and raising her eyebrows as if waiting for some brillopads news.

**30 second later**

Jas is now doing a great impression of a frozen fish. Do I look that bad?

She said, "Wow Gee you look rough."

What a way to cheer me up.

"Oh go find a vole dropping."

I thought she would go in minor tizz then but instead she wrapped one arm around me.

"What is it Gee?" She said in a really quiet kind-like voice which is bad because I will start feeling miz and begin blubbing.

**10 minutes later**

Just finished the blub fest of the century. I told Jas everything. Well everything that happened between me and a certain camel man whose name I must not mention.

Before we went into Stalag 14 Jassy did my makeup with her emergency supplies stashed in her beret. Unfortunately my hair was beyond help. But we did sneak around Hawkeye and avoid a beak bashing for being late.

And Jas gave me a whole packet of midget gems. Now that is friendship. I will never doubt her services again.

**In francais**

I think Big G is going out of his way to punish me. We are being forced to watch the most boring French film called "La Separation." Is this taking the biscuit or what?

Oh joys of joys, now I have the camel man in my head... hump off! (I think if it wasn't for my amazing comedy and wit, I would crawl into a dark hole and die).

The Ace Gang are all looking at me sorrowfully. Jassy Spazzy must have told them my sticky camel-fandango. Brillopads I have turned into pathetic o girl. I have officially reached new heights of sadiosity.

This film is making me feel miz. The couple just keep shouting at each other and the man has just told the woman that he is in love with someone else. Stupid stupid man with knobs on. What is he thinking? He doesn't love someone else he loves her and he should be with her and screw that other woman go with the one that you make laugh and smile and go jelloid and...

I think I've stopped talking about the film.

**Lunch**

The Ace Gang are acting all shifty and are not talking about any boy-type people.

Ellen got a kick from Rosie for saying Dec's name out loud.

She is still whimpering now.

This is pathetic of the highest waters. I can handle them talking about the lads that they like and that like them and that they are going out with and are happy with and that they snog constantly...

Ok maybe I can't. But I'm still not some wretched blubbing woman. Well not right this second anyway. I have my pride. Ish.

Yes I can get over this. It's not as if I was in love with Dave. (Crap I said his name. Ahh well.) We just liked the occasional snog. I can live without his snogs. There's plenty of lads to snog. He is just one of many many snoggees in the sea. I just need to fish them out.

**5.00pm**

I think my rod is broken.

After Stalag 14 the Ace Gang made me walk through the park with them to spot any fit-looking lads. And it was working for a while. This one groovy guy came up to us with his mates. He just stared at me and smiled.

Jas kept kicking me until I said something. "Hi."

He said, "Hi."

Then we did a bit more staring.

And then I fell into the valley of the merde again because we saw Dave walking hand in hand with Emma. It was soooo bad. I caught him looking at me and frowning slightly but then the Ace Gang formed like a wall around us so we couldn't see each other.

But unfortunately new-groovy boy was stuck in the circle and seemed kind of, no, very very scared. His eyes went all wide and then he made a break for it between Jas and Ellen. I think he thought we were going to kidnap him or something.

So now I'm back in my bed of pain trying hard not to blub over Dave and his _caring_ Emma.

I don't think I can see them together and not feel miz.

I will have to stay away from them. Just until I get over it. Or maybe not even then. Either way, I just need to get away.

I'll be away laughing on a fast... vole?

**2 days later – a.k.a Thursday October 6****th**

Plan ADTLAAC "avoid Dave the Laugh at all costs" is underway.

I have not seen him TWO days, that is le fact. In the words of Chandler's hypnotist on _Friends _I am a "strong confident woman who does not need a Laugh". Yupp, that is me all over.

The Ace Gang have been paying me visits vair regularly. I think they think I am still in my blubbing zone over Dave the Laugh but they are mistaken because I have not seen him in TWO days. TWO.

It was Ellen's 'turn' to visit me today. What larks. I think it took her about ten minutes to stutter her way through the door. She brought a nutritious snack of jammy dodgers though so I forgave her.

And she didn't mention Dec or the lads at all. In fact, all she talked about was the Ace Gang and Stalag 14. What funosity....

Luckily I was saved from the dithering fool about an hour after she arrived because Angus decided he liked the stuttering quality in his prey. It was actually tres amusant watching Ellen trying to shake him off her leg and shouting, "Errr.. Angus... Gee...could you...you know...please...OW!"

**2 minutes later**

I think the Ace Gang are babysitting me so I stay away from Dave. But they don't need to because I am not mizzing over him anymore. Much...

But I am in no way going to run around and find him. I'm sticking to the plan.

Stalag 14 has been as boring and torturous as normal. Wet Lindsey tried to tell me off yesterday for not wearing my beret. But then Rosie growled at her so she backed off as quick as a quick thing.

What a weed. I guess some things never change. I can't believe Masimo used to snog her. I wonder if he's snogging her now? She did look slimily happy before being attacked by the Viking One.

No that can't be right she's with Robbie now. So he must be snogging her. Erlack-a-pongoes. Robbie can do better. And he's only going out with her because I couldn't be with him because I told him I liked Masimo more. Why in Miss Stamp's moustache did I do that?

Not that I have the horn for Robbie anymore. (Though he is a Sex God of highest waters.) But I do feel kind of responsible for him having a weedy octopus thrust at him. Poor Robbie.

Hold the phone! Poor Robbie?

Lord Sandra, I am just too kind for my own good. Always thinking of others, (others except Laughs – they're off-limits.)

**6 days later – a.k.a Wednesday October 12****th**

I saw Emma today. Merde.

Me and Jas were lip-gloss shopping in Boots after Stalag 14 and we spotted her. At first we thought maybe she'd broken up with Dave because she was on her owney.

But then we saw her buy some guy's cologne.

As if she's buying Dave presents. I had more digniosity than that when I went out with him. Well he was a red-herring an' all but you get my drift.

Unless, maybe Dave did break up with her and the cologne was for her because he was maybe one that Dave used to wear so she was buying it so she could smell him even when he wasn't in smelling distance.

That is very stalkerish. How pathetico.

After telling Jassy my theory I said, "She is very stalkerish. That is sooo pathetic."

Jas said, "Georgia, you stalked Robbie and Masimo."

So I biffed her over the head.

Everyone needs a good duffing up every so often, it's healthy.

Unfortunately Jassy didn't see it that way because she now had a hair out of place in her fringe. I thought about telling her that her whole fringe of hair was out of place, as in it would be better if it wasn't there, but I didn't.

**8 days later – a.k.a Thursday October 20****th**

**3.30pm**

Walking home avec the Ace Gang. We have been doing linksy all the way from Stalag 14 and we haven't broken once yet. Crossing the roads was... interesting, and by that I mean scary potatoes. But as Rosie said the occasional car dodging session keeps you in tip-top health.

Grannies and general old folk keep getting caught up in our chain. They are extremely dim-witted and don't have the sense to move.

Although Rosie does keep shouting, "Aye aye I spot another one!" and drags us in front of them. She is super duper strong. What does Sven feed her on? Or maybe it's all the snogging she does. That would explain why I am tres weako. I haven't had a snog in zonks. I'm undergoing sheer snogging withdrawal.

**2 minutes later**

Ah-ah! We've just spotted another group of oldies. Rosie is pulling us along at a faster pace.

Pant Pant.

They are walking the same way so haven't spotted us yet. We are like the granny-catchers. Mwhaaaa.

**1 minute later**

What larks!

Rosie let out a yell of "HORRRRRN" and circled round the four oldies in coats.

We have trapped them with our geniosity!

**5 seconds later**

The oldie closest to me is pulling their hood down. Haha they want to look into the eyes of their captor! Well live and let look!

**2 seconds later**

Oh in all things holy, it's Dave!

What is he doing with these grannies?!

Donner und blitzen he's staring at me. It's that 'you are seriously crazy, but kind of funny also' look.

I averted my eyes and turned to see Jas. She looked like a startled ferret.

**30 seconds later**

**Running like a loon**

Puff puff pant pant.

Turns out it wasn't four oldies after all. It was Dave, Emma and Emma's Mutti and Vati. Merde merde and thrice merde.

Once everyone realised Rosie said, "Sorry me hearties, I'm afraid you are not suitable material for our fandango so toodaloo!"

Then we all broke arms and legged it away.

Which is what I am currently doing now; legging it away.

**2 seconds later**

I can't believe we just granny-catched Dave. I haven't seen him in like 2 weeks and now I see him?! He looked tres fit bananas as well.

Merde.

**Friday October 21****st**

**Lunch**

The Ace Gang have been hawk-eyeing me all day. I think it's because of the Dave fandango yesterday. They probably think I'm feeling all upset and miz.

Which I think I am.

I blame Jas. I don't really have reason, but it always makes me feel better when I blame the fringey fool.

Although this time I should blame Rosie... as it was her that made us gather round Dave and his new family. How lame is that, him hanging out with Emma's Mutti and Vati? That is beyond the valley of the sad. It's like something Wet Lindsey would do.

It is something Wet Lindsey would do. Didn't Jas say Tom said that she keeps hanging round their house? Tres pathetico.

I would never do that. My olds need to be kept far away from normal civilisation and that is le fact.

**2 minutes later**

**On the knicker toaster of life**

**Being stared at by a goosegog**

Five goosegogs in fact. And Rosie has her beard on. Perfectamondo.

"Do you want me to come round tonight Gee?" Jools asked. Oh joys they were doing that watching-over-Georgia-to-make-sure-she-doesn't-crumble-into-a-biscuit thing again.

And now I have Dave in my head again.

Merde.

"No thanks," I said with mucho sophisiosity.

Rosie stood up. She narrowed her eyes and poked her pipe at me (oo-er). "You mean yes thanks."

I shook my head and glared at her, "No, I mean no thanks."

"No thanks?"

"Yes."

"Ah yes it is, there you go Jools." Rosie said and sat triumphantly down on the toaster again.

**5 minutes later**

Thankgod I've finally got them off my backs. It involved a lot of glaring and eyebrow raising but I've managed to convince them I have to go out with the loony old-folk.

They are so gullible. As if I would go anywhere with Mutti and Vati. That is like social suicide.

But I was sort of telling the truth. Mutti and Vati are out tonight. And Libs is too. And that means I get the house to myself away from the Swiss Family Mad thank baby Jesus.

I think I shall spend my time being my sophis self and practising my glaciosity.

Or blubbing over Dave. That sounds fun too.

**3.30pm**

**In the Park**

Walking home all aloney on my owney. I told the Ace Gang I had to meet the Olds in town so I could walk home by myself. I don't know why, but I don't feel like being around happy people right now. It just depresses me.

**3 minutes later**

Ow ow bloody ow. Now I know why we have a cat.

Dogs are so bloody stupid.

My shoes have just been attacked by a yapping jack russel. It's even more annoying than the prat poodles.

**1 second later**

No I take that back. Nothing is worse than those dim witted animals.

**2 minutes later**

Oh my giddy god I can see someone walking towards me that I think might be who I think I want it to be. I think.

He's got the same hoody on that I think he had on yesterday if it is the person that I think it is.

I am thinking too much. My head hurts.

**1 minute later**

Dave stopped in front of me but didn't take down his hood. I wonder why? Not that I care.

Glaciosity, that is me.

"Can we walk?" Dave said quietly.

I nodded, (I don't trust myself to talk out-loud; that's had bad consequences before).

**2 minutes later**

Still walking with Dave. He's not said anything yet and we're nearly at my house.

Is this all he wanted to do? Walk me to my house?

I can see the drive. At least Vati took the clown car when he went out. That would send Dave flying like a boomerang. Only he wouldn't come back. Unless he likes the clown car, in which case I don't think I would want him to come back.

**30 seconds later**

Dave has walked me all the way up to my door. If he turns and runs off now then he is mucho cruel. But he won't because he's a laugh.

Although he is looking strangely like the Un-laugh right now...

But he is also looking vair vair groovy in his hood. His eyes are all shimmering and hair is popping out all dark and mysterious like and his mouth...

Oh Lord Sandra my lips have puckered up!

**5 seconds later**

Dave is grinning a sexy crooked smile. I think he's seen my puckered lips. Down lips down!!!!

**10 seconds later**

Dave's stopped grinned. Lips have stopped puckering. Head has stopped thinking.

I was about to shut down all together but then...

Dave kissed me! He just leaned in and pressed his lips against mine really gently. It was sooooo nice and jelloid-extraordinaire.

Dave has taken a step closer and is looking down at me with his marvy eyes. When did he get so tall?

"So Sex Kitty," he said in a dreamy voice, "can I come in?"

**oooo sorry for the cliffy... but not that sorry because hopefully this will keep you all on edge! and make you want to review! which you dooooo I can tell ;)**

**hope to hear from you all soooooooon**

**toodlesssss..x**

**horns out ;)**


	5. Sex Kitty in Waiting

**Hey guys thank you all soooo much for the great reviews & comments =) I lobeeee them :P**

**This chappy is basically a big Dave/Gee moment so I hope you all enjoy it! I did writing it :P **

"**Sex Kitty in Waiting"**

_I haven't seen him in like 2 weeks..._

_Dave kissed me..._

_He has taken a step closer and is looking down at me with his marvy eyes._

"_So Sex Kitty," he said in a dreamy voice, "can I come in?"_

**Friday October 21****st**

**Standing like a lemon opposite Dave.**

No joke.

He's still waiting for me to answer. How long has it been? Ten seconds? Minutes? I think my brain is stuck in this position.

Dave is looking rather worried now. I hope I haven't scared him. It's not my nose is it?

**2 seconds later**

Dave just looked down the street. Oh no, he's thinking of going. I don't want him to go. Who knows when I'll see him again?

"Yes." I said quietly but I think he heard because he turned back to look at me and nodded slowly.

Defiantly being Dave the Unlaugh. If he is not careful he will lose his reputation.

**3 minutes later  
**I managed to get us in the house without breaking the lock or bones. Good start.

Only then I wasn't sure what to do so I walked into the kitchen with Dave following.

He's not talking. And his hood is still up. I'm trying not to stare but it is tres hard.

Uh-oh I can see Gordy stalking Dave on the kitchen counter.

I should say something right? To stop Dave being ambushed by...

**5 seconds later**

Gordy has just launched himself at Dave but he managed to skip out the way at the last moment. Gordy is not the cat his dad is he is vair clumsy.

Although he doesn't give up. In fact he will probably stalk Dave till he leaves.

Merde.

"Quick follow me," I said just as Gordy tried to pounce again. Emphasis on the 'tried'.

**10 seconds later**

Hiding in my room.

How did we end up here?

Well actually, it is my normal escape from the Swiss Family Mad, so I was just following my natural instincts by coming here.

With Dave.

Me in my room with Dave who I haven't seen in donkey's years. Ish.

**5 seconds later**

Dave has his back to me and is staring at a closed door. Maybe he hit his head.

Or maybe the door is just more interesting than me. Hmmm...

**2 seconds later**

Oh my giddy god Dave just turned around and walked over to where I am standing. He is tres close. I can feel him breathing on me.

Jelloid moment extraordinaire.

**3 seconds later**

Dave just pulled down his hood really slowly like he was revealing himself as spider man or something (freaky deaky) and then shuffled even closer to me.

He just led his forehead on mine. Uh-oh, that's what he did that time when we were in the park. And there was lots of pre-jelloid heat only it wasn't pre-jelloid heat because there was no jelloid to follow because we didn't actually snog. I hope that isn't what this is. I hope-

**1 second later**

Dave just kissed me!

It was a really soft kiss on my lips. It didn't last very long. My lips are all puckered and ready now though...

"I'm sorry Kittykat."

Merde! Don't say that! He said that last time when he said he wouldn't break up with Emma! Merde merde and thrice merde!

I frowned at him – which is vair hard when your lips are puckered.

He moved his hand to run it through my hair, "I don't think I can stay away from you."

Hmmm that sounds good to me. In fact that sounds super duper double marv with knobs on.

Dave said "I should have realised it before. I tried to do the right thing, the good thing. But I guess I'm just not a good person."

He's smirking. Should he be smirking right now? Ahh well live and let live I say.

"I think you're a good person." I said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

I grinned, "Of course, you're Jack the Biscuit."

**5 minutes later **

Having my lips snogged off by Dave, and he hasn't even started nip libbing yet. Tip-top jelliodosity.

This is beyond heaven. Thank-god the Swiss Family Mad are out. The last thing I need is Vati storming in with his beaver-growing chin.

**3 minutes later**

Dave is running his hands over my back. And yes, the nip libbing has begun! Brillopads!

Although I think I've lost control of my legs and they are wobbling from all the jelloid-ness.

**2 seconds later**

On the floor.

How come I always end up with a hurt botty after snogging Dave?

"Are you ok Sex Kitty?" Dave asked crouching next to me.

I looked at him, "You broke my botty with your nip libbing."

Dave laughed and gave me a light kiss. "Nip libbing?"

Merde.

"Well errr, no, I didn't mean... that, err..." Warning! Ellen emerging!

Dave grabbed my hand and said, "Georgia please shut up I don't really give a biscuit," and then he snogged me some more.

Number five and six (and some more lip nibbling obviously). And we are on the floor. In my bedroom. Oo-er.

**30 seconds later**

Oh my giddy god Dave just picked me up and threw me on the bed then jumped on himself! (Not in a hard I-want-to-hurt-you way, but rather a you-are-such-a-sex-kitty-I-need-you-now kind of way.)

**2 seconds later**

Having my neck nuzzled by Dave. This snogging is beyond marvyness. He keeps moving from my lips to my neck and then all the way up to my ear.

It's making me moan every now and then which you would think would be off putting (as I sound like a startled earwig) but Dave seems to like it as he just snogs me harder. Yummy scrumboes!

How did I last the last two weeks or months or however long it's been without snogging Dave?! He is defiantly the King and God and everything of snogging. Better than the Sex God and Lurrrve God combined. And defiantly better than Whelk boy and MBG.

Eww now I have them in my head. Bugger off I'm busy having the best snog sesh of my life!!

**1 second later**

Hold on one snogging second! What did I just say?!

The snog of my life?

Yes, that's what I said.

But is it true? Is this the best snog sesh of my life?

Oh my giddy god Dave just moved down and snogged my collarbone.

Defiantly the best snog of my life.

Which isn't surprisingly, since I love his snogging and maybe even love-

"Kittykat," Dave said, (how rude interrupting my thinking) "I have to go."

WHATT?! NO NO NO he cannot leave!

"Why?" I said and clung to him.

Dave chuckled quietly, "Don't worry, I'll come straight back. I just... I have to break up with Emma."

I gave him a meaningful look. I've heard that one before.

"I promise," Dave said, "Now I'm certain about what I want. But I shouldn't have come to you without breaking up with her first."

I looked away (which is tres hard since Dave is hovering above me). I shall ignorez-vous him if he is just willing to leave like that.

"Come on Sex Kitty I will be back before you know it." Dave said pulling me up so we're now sitting next to each other.

**5 seconds later**

Still looking away. And ignoring Dave.

Dave keeps leaning in and trying to look me in the eyes.

Oh Lord Sandra he is quite literally Sex on Legs. His eyes are so dreamy and his hair is groovy and his mouth...

**1 second later**

Snogging Dave.

And I don't even care that I caved. I just want to snog Dave forever and ever and ever and ever.

"Ok I'll be back soon," Dave said pulling away again.

I mumbled something that sounded like "Nuunngg," but you can never be sure.

Dave leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips before saying, "Gee, I lo-"

He stopped. Why did he stop? Quit stopping!

What was he going to say?

I think he was going to say what I think I was going to think.

He was wasn't he?!

**6 seconds later**

Dave is stood at the door to my room smiling at me with his marvy mouth. Maybe he can leave that while he goes?

He said "Can't wait to snog your face off Sex Kitty. I'm away laughing on a fast camel," and winked at me before leaving.

Cheeky cat.

**5.20p.m**

Waiting for Dave in my room. It's been over an hour.

I've already nipped in the shower and re-done my hair and make-up. I am a Sex Kitty in Waiting. For a biscuit. Whoever came up with the phrase "fashionably late" is wrong. I want Dave to be and always be early so we have more time to snog.

That is just good sense.

**1 minute later**

Mutti just barged into my room without knocking – what a shocker.

What in the name of pantyhose is she wearing?!

Oh in all things biscuity, she has a cheer leading outfit on! Just when I thought she couldn't take her prostitution phase any further...

"Ta-ta Georgie we are popping out to see your Uncle Eddie. He's performing up near-"

I cut her off. "I really don't want to hear anything that is in the same conversation as Uncle Eddie thankyou very much Mutti. Don't hurry back."

She did that pathetic tutting thing. "You know you could be a bit more supportive of your family and me."

I raised my eyebrows. "Supportive? Of a Baldy-O-Gram and a prostitute-wannabe?"

"Georgia Nicolson!" She barked at me. Oh lord here comes a rant. Where are my ear plugs? "Why can't you just be a nice little girl?"

I stared at her, "Mutti you are wearing a cheerleading outfit. I think it is you that wants to be the little girl."

She did a bit more tutting and combined some huffing in there too before storming off.

**3 minutes later**

And the clown car has left the area! With the Olds and the mad toddly one which is a big plus in anyone's books.

Now where was I?

Oh yes complaining about the lack of Dave snogging my lips.

He said he would be right back, which translated means five, maybe ten minutes tops.

**30 seconds later**

Unless it's like one of those "s'later" things.

Maybe "be right back" means a lot longer in boy lingo than in girl lingo.

So is it like what, twenty minutes for them?

**1 minute later**

Either way he's late.

Very late.

**10 minutes later**

Ok time for so yoga.

_Ommmmmmmmmm_.

Inner peace inner peace.

He'll _ommm_ be_ ommm_ round _ommm_ soon _ommm_.

**2 minutes later**

Where the bleating goat is he?

I'm all ommed out.

**5 seconds later**

What if he couldn't break up with Emma?

What if he decided to stay with her again?

Merde.

Stupid stupid Dave.

I hate him and his stupid snogging making me jelloid.

**1 second later**

Merde Merde and thrice merde.

**2 seconds later**

Although I don't hate his snogging.

It really is marvy beyond belief.

Yepp it's true, I love it. Hmm I wonder if I love-

**1 second later**

Cut off by the ringing phone.

Lord Sandra I can't get a good thinking session in here without being interrupted. But that is the selfishosity of the world.

**5 seconds later**

Answering the phone. It'll be Dave apologising for being late. I may forgive him if he promises to snog me for hours on end later.

"Oh haiiii Sex Kitty speaking."

"Erm, is this the Nicolson residence?"

Oh my giddy god it's not Dave!

And I just called myself Sex Kitty!!

Merde.

**2 seconds later**

I said "Err let me just get someone..."

Ok how long would it take to "fetch" someone?

**3 seconds later**

Throwing the phone up and down so it sounds like it's switching hands.

**1 second later**

Ow blood ow! The phone just landed on my head!

It's worse than a biff from Angus!

**2 seconds later**

"Hello? This is Georgia Nicolson, habitant of the Nicolson household."

There, what a normal answer.

"Hello Georgia, this is Doctor Shepard from the local hospital. I'm sorry for this call, but if it's possible, I'm afraid we need you to come down and see us."

What? This doesn't sound good.

In fact it sounds very very bad. My legs feel all shaky.

"Wh-hy?" I stuttered.

"There's been an accident; a car crash. Unfortunately we have no identification for one of the passengers, but he did have a piece of paper with your number on. Would you be able to come to the hospital and identify him so we can contact his family?"

**1 second later**

Oh my god.

Dave's been in a car crash.

Oh my god.

**Another cliffy! I think every one of my chapters so far as ended in one! :P**

**So this chapter has basically set up the main story line that I have planned for this fanfic... it just gets more interesting from here! so keep the reviews coming & I shall updateeeeeeee!**

**love you allllll (in a strictly non-lezzie way)**

**horn's out ;)**


	6. Fullblown Waterworks

**sorry about the wait for this chappy... **

**thankyou sooooo much for all my reviews though! they keep me writing! **

**and a special thanks to "double awesomeness with knobs" because your reviews make me laugh so much :P**

**this chappy is a lot of aggers i'm afraid to say :( **

**but its vair important to the plotline so give it your full attention!!**

**DISCLAMIER: I own nothing you recognise, not Georgia or Jas or Dave etc. or Grey's Anatomy or any other reference I put in there...**

"**Full-blown Waterworks"**

"_Don't worry, I'll come straight back. I just... I have to break up with Emma."_

_I gave him a meaningful look. I've heard that one before. _

"_I promise," Dave said, "Now I'm certain about what I want."_

_Dave leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips before saying, "Gee, I lo-"_

_He stopped. Why did he stop? Quit stopping!_

"_Can't wait to snog your face off Sex Kitty. I'm away laughing on a fast camel."_

_Answering the phone._

"_Hello Georgia, this is Doctor Shepard from the local hospital..."_

_Oh my god. _

_Dave's been in a car crash. _

**Friday October 21****st**

**6.30pm**

**Hospital of Hell**

In the waiting room with Jas and Tom.

After the Doctor said goodbye I managed to pick up the phone and ring Jas. My hands were all shaky.

Jas: Hello?

Me: J-Jas...

Jas: Oh what is it Georgia I'm busy with Tom-

Me: Jas...

Jas: -and we were just about to go see a movie-

Me: Jas...

Jas: -it starts at seven-

Me: Jas...

Jas: WHAT GEORGIA?!

Me: It's ...Da-Dave. He..he's been in a car crash.

Jas: Crikey.

Yes, she is a wise woman of the words as well as the forest. Not.

**2 minutes later**

Jas did act like a good bestest pally though. She came straight round with Tom and he drove us to the hospital quick as a quick thing.

Tom's rang Dave's parents. He seems pretty upset too. But he is Dave's bestest mate.

**30 seconds later **

Doctor Shepard, a.k.a "call-me-Alex" came over to speak to us.

It would be a lot easier to concentrate if he wasn't so groovy gravy looking. He reminds me of that guy off Grey's Anatomy. What's his name...McDreamy?

Yep that's one.

**5 minutes later**

McDreamy led us up to where Dave is recovering after his operation. This hospital is like a maze. We must've gone up like a zillion stairs.

My legs hurt.

**2 minutes later**

**By Dave's bed. **

**Blubbing. **

Dave is unconscious. Which is probably just as well because I don't want him to see me blubbing like this.

He's wearing one of those neck bracey thingys and has lots of needles sticking out of him. Jas got a bit squeemish when she saw so Tom took her out for a bit.

So it's just me sat by Dave the Laugh in his actual bed of pain. Only he's not really Dave the Laugh right now, he's more like Dave the Injured.

Doctor McDreamy said that Dave was in a taxi when it collided with some other car. Probably driven by a granny. Grannies are bad drivers and that is le fact.

**4 minutes later**

Jas and Tom came back in with McDreamy.

He went to look at some screen-type fandango thingy that was making bleeping noises and had funny lines across then he came over to me with a clipboard.

"So how do you know my patient Georgia?" he said all dreamily.

I looked at Dave and back again. What should I say? Friend? Girlfriend? But am I his girlfriend? He did break up with Emma. But he didn't technically ask me out.

Not yet anyway.

I realised I mustn't have spoken for a while (and probably looked like a frozen fish) because Jas cut in and said, "Friends. They met a few years ago."

McDreamy nodded and said, "Right. It's Dave right?"

I nodded.

"And what's his last name?"

I'm sorry what? Why do they need to know his last name?

**1 second later**

Hang on, what is Dave's last name?

Laugh?

Oh my god. I don't know Dave's last name. I don't know his last name!

**2 seconds later**

Blubbing into my hands.

Why am I blubbing? It's only a name.

But it's his last name. A name I should know.

"I – I – I..."

**5 seconds later**

Jas took me out into the corridor while Tom answered the rest of McDreamy's questions.

"I can't... how can I not know... I wish..."

On in all things holey, I've turned into a jabbering twit. And not un-Ellen like.

"Gee what is it?" Jas asked.

"I... I don't know anything about him Jas!"

Jas shook her head, "Don't be silly of course you do."

"No I don't. I don't know what his favourite colour or sport or music is, I don't know his birthday, I don't know where he lives, I don't even know his name. I don't know anything real!"

Jas sighed. How helpful fringey.

"Georgia listen, -"

Jas stopped. Why did she stop?

**2 seconds later**

Oh buggeration.

Emma's here.

**8.00pm**

**Back in the waiting room**

Sat with Tom while Jas went to the loo. Yes the loo. That is all she can think about at a time like this. Well that and midget gems. But then they make her need the loo so it's back there again.

Tom has his arm around me while I kind of blub into his shoulder. His top is not going to be dry for much longer that is le fact.

It's nice to have a matey-type boy fandango person. Especially one I don't have the horn for. That would just be erlack. Though I probably shouldn't say that to Po since she lobes him an' all.

Still, Hunky is a good mate. He even did a bit of snooping with the whole Emma fiasco. Though the news wasn't exactly great...

Turns out when Tom rang Dave's parents they rang Emma and she came with them to the hospital. And that's not even the worst part.

Dave never reached Emma. He never broke up with her. I.e. she still thinks she is his girlfriend.

Merde.

**5 minutes later**

Jas has finally returned from the loo extravaganza. I bet she fell down. I'm sure her gigantibus knickers kept her afloat though. They are huge like that.

"I saw Dave's parents down the hall," Jas said.

I looked up agog as an agog thing.

"And?"

"And... that means they've left Dave's room."

My god how extremely dim witted can you be?

"I mean what about Emma Jas?"

She shrugged. "Oh I don't know but I think Dave is alone now if you want to go see him." And she raised her eyebrows at me. Hmm.

Either she knows I want to go sit by Dave's bed and blub or she wants to be alone with Hunky so she can show him some pathetico fossils.

Probably the second one, though you never know.

**10 minutes later**

Po and Hunky finally convinced me to go and see Dave.

And by that I mean they forced me up out my seat and virtually dragged me down the corridor.

**2 minutes later**

Outside Dave's room.

To go in or not go in? Now that is the question.

Not go in.

**2 seconds later**

In, I should see him again.

**5 seconds later**

But do I really want to see him in this state?

**2 seconds later**

But what if he's conscious now? Then I can talk to him.

**1 second later**

No, defiantly not going in.

**10 seconds later**

By Dave's bed. And blubbing obviously.

He's still got all the tubes in him. And he's not awake yet. Typical.

But on the bright side no sign of Miss _caring _Emma.

Mmm Dave looks quite groovy for an injured person. Is that possible?

Well he does. Very groovy. Very groovy gravy.

**1 second later**

Can you snog someone when they're not awake?

**3 minutes later**

No.

Too many tricky tubes and head gear.

**5 minutes later**

Leaped back onto my chair like a leaping thing because McDreamy entered.

And not alone.

Yupp, the whole crew are here.

I.e. Jas, Tom, Dave's Mutti, Dave's Vati and Emma. Joys unbounded.

I wonder what the announcement is. Hmmm...

**3 seconds later**

Jas and Tom came and stood by me while Emma and the olds stayed on the other side of the bed. I'm sensing division but that is just me.

McDreamy eyed us all, did a bit of that coughy-coughy throat-clearing stuff then began to speak.

"I have good and bad news. Dave will make a full physical recovery with only a few scars that will barely be noticeable."

Coughy-cough.

"The bad news is that he hit his head badly and while there was no serious external damage, I'm afraid some internal bleeding did occur in the side of the brain where Dave's memory is. We can't be sure of the full extent of it yet, but it's more than likely that Dave will have lost at least a couple of years."

**5 minutes later**

McDreamy shuffled out with a blubbing Mutti and Vati, (Dave's not mine).

Everyone else is still here.

And no one has said a word in zonks.

I don't know what to say.

**5 seconds later**

Oh my god.

A couple of years.

A whole two years of his life lost. Life that he spent with me chatting and laughing and... snogging quite a bit too.

Oh no.

When did I first meet Dave?!

Please please please God don't let it be less than two years ago.

Because that would mean... that would mean...

It would mean that he wouldn't remember me.

**2 minutes later**

"I need the loo," Jas said pulling Tom out the door.

I wiped my eyes quickly and glared at her. Is her bladder the size of a pea or something?!

"We'll be right out there if you need us," She said really loudly with a lot of eyebrow raising. Way to be subtle Jassy Spazzy.

**4 minutes later**

The Vole couple still aren't back. I'm beginning to think they took off without me.

Emma is staring at me like a starey thing. Scary potatoes.

I just moved like a tineyweeny inch to sit by Dave's bed and she threw daggers at me worse than Wet Lindsey.

But it's not uncomfortable or complicated in the slightest.

We're just two blubbing girls after the same guy.

Who's unconscious.

And apparently doesn't remember either one of us.

See, simple pimple. Ish.

**2 minutes later**

Emma took a step closer to Dave's bed and looked at me in a looking-at-me way. If we weren't in such sheer desparadoes I would think she was trying the "stare-at" plan like we did with Wet Lindsey to make her think she had a lurker on her forehead.

**1 second later**

Unless I actually do have a lurker on my forehead.

Well then Emma is just being rude looking.

**5 seconds later**

"Georgia we need to talk," she said.

Merde.

I didn't say anything. What should I say?

Nothing, that's what.

"You've got to leave."

I'm sorry, I've got to whatnow?!

What in the name of pantaloons is she on about?!

"You've got to leave before he wakes up."

She's looking at Dave and not me. Not that I want her to look at me, but why is she looking at the guy who just dumped her.

Oh no wait, he didn't dump her did he, because of the accident...

**2 seconds later**

"I can't do that." I said.

She frowned. "You have to."

"Wh-hy?" I stuttered.

Uh-oh, now she has an angry face on. I thought Dave said she was _caring_?

"Why? Maybe because you turned my boyfriend into a cheating user!"

WHATTT?!

"No I did not!" I shouted at her, "And Dave isn't your boyfriend, he was going to break up with you tonight!"

Ha that got her.

She looked at me in a looking-way again then looked at Dave all sadly. Not that I care.

"I believe you," she said all quietly. "But now he doesn't know that."

"Yeah and he doesn't know who you are either!"

"But he will do when he wakes up. But he won't know you."

Ok now she's lost me.

"What are you on about Emma?"

She took a deep breath, "You're going to leave and not see Dave again. He's going to wake up and meet me, his girlfriend who he cares about and who cares about him."

Merde, she used the _caring _word again.

"What?! No! He's not your boyfriend and I won't leave."

Oh no, I feel a blub fest coming on.

**2 seconds later**

"He is Georgia. And we were happy. Happy until you kept showing up and kept making him miserable. Do you know after he'd seen you he never smiled when I was with him? You're bad for him and I'm good. He has a chance to start again and forget all the times he cheated on me even if I can't forget them. Do you really want him to wake up and learn that he's a cheater and user? He's not a bad person Georgia. Please don't make him think he is one."

Oh my Lord Sandra, why am I blubbing so much?

How can Emma's words hurt me enough to bring on the full-blown waterworks?

I can't let her win. I can't let her have Dave. I know that.

But... but... why do I see her side of it?

Why is she making sense?

**5 seconds later**

She's looking at me again. "I know you love him Georgia."

I do?

Oh... I guess I do.

Oh my giddy god.

I love Dave.

I do I do I do I love Da-

**1 second later**

Emma interrupted me.

"And I know you love him enough to let him start over again. Please Georgia. Please leave."

**ANOTHER cliffy i know! i can't resist!! :P i think i have OCD for them.. **

**ahhh well...**

**please review and let me know what you think will happen to Georgia now!! **

**can't wait to post the next few chapters! i somehow managed to make an aggers situation lighthearted... ok i cant really explain it but you will see..**

**horn's out! ;)**


	7. When Your Laugh has gone Away

**And here is chappy 6!!**

**Sorry for leaving you all on a dramatic cliffhanger! (Though you should be used to it by now coming from me) I totally deserve all the bashing - I especially got a lot from Miss Ek who co-writes "Flattened by a Laughing Camel" but I'm glad because that means you all want to read moreeeee! =)**

**By the way if you like this fanficcy go and check out "Flattened by a Laughing Camel". As you can guess from the title (unless you are extrememly dim-witted) it has a lot of Dave.**

**And as that old saying goes... a Dave a day keeps the nightmares away! Ok I made that up but the nub and gist is go and read the story its tres coolio if I do say so myself and I do.**

"**When your Laugh has gone away"**

"_...it's more than likely that Dave will have lost at least a couple of years."_

_When did I first meet Dave?!_

_Emma looked at me._

"_...Do you really want him to wake up and learn that he's a cheater and user? He's not a bad person Georgia. Please don't make him think he is one."_

"_And I know you love him enough to let him start over again. Please Georgia. Please leave."_

**Tuesday October 25****th**

**9.00 a.m**

**Assembly**

Listening to another boring rant off Slim. God I hate her.

Apparently some "childish student" has drawn bats with Viking horns on everywhere around the school.

Well she can rave on.

I am on the rack of love. And Rosie was a very keen helper.

I find distraction is the best policy. Yes siree.

Plus it's Halloween soon. So the bats were clearly a mark of ingeniosity.

I can't believe I made it to school.

Although the Viking-horn wearing bats were a bit of a perk yesterday.

But nevertheless I am still in an eternal state of miz.

After Friday and the whole hospital fandango I cried and blubbed and cried some more and blubbed some more. Well the gist and nub of it is that I did a lot of blubbing.

And real tears, not the fake ones to make Vati uncomfortable and leave.

But the wierd thing is I don't feel angry and don't want to give Emma a good duffing up.

Jas thinks it's because I have finally "matured and given up my red bottom".

But actually I have a sneaky feeling it's because Emma's right. I don't want Dave to re-join our crazy world and discover he cheated on his girlfriend... several times...

The Ace Gang don't understand it.

Especially Rosie. She was hoping for some well-plotted Viking revenge.

But alas it was not to be, she had to settle for the Viking bats.

Everyone was tres supportive though. They came and sat in my bed of pain with me and brought snacks.

Well actually I wouldn't let them in the house unless they brought snacks but it worked out ok because Jas brought her entire collection of midget gems. Do you know how many she has stashed in her house? I'll help you out – a lot.

And RoRo did promise to keep Sven away from me for a bit which I was grateful for. No one needs a handful of Sweden when your Laugh has gone away.

Although he did bound up to us after Stalag 14 yesterday but Rosie assured me it was only because he wanted to know about the bat-plan.

His exact words were, "Ahh jaja you turn zee school batty jaja!!"

But live and forgive I say seeing as he did supply the spraying stuff to draw the things with.

**1 second later**

Jas thought it was "rather immature" of us.

But she did ask what type of bats we had drawn.

Now that got a lot of eyebrow rising.

But the rest of the Ace Gang did applaud mine and the Viking one's efforts. Well it was probably out of pity since I have turned into Miss Pathetico but whatever.

I have new goals in life;

To become batwoman of the century

To own lots and lots of bats

To be a single batwoman who shows love for her bats only. And maybe her bestest pallies, who let's face it, are extremely batty themselves

Doesn't my life sound brill?!

**10 a.m**

**English**

Great, I finally escape Slim's raving chins only to be tortured by Miss Wilson and her puppet parade.

Jas is trying to veer her away from the puppets though.

She really wants to play Juliet on stage.

I can't believe she still thinks she is Juliet. And that Hunky is her perfect Romeo. Pfft.

It's a stupid story.

And they both end up dead. Where's the true love in that?

I'll tell you where. No where. Yupp.

Me, I am more realistic about things.

**1 second later**

Where's the nearest bat store around here?

**10 minutes later**

Oh joys unbounded.

Miss Wilson just announced that once again, the Foxwood lads will be "assisting" in our school production.

Great, that means more time for the Ace Gang to snog with their boyfriends and more time for me to be all aloney on my owney in a dark cupboard calling my bats.

What's more, she's thinking about letting them actually play parts this time.

Jas is soooo excited.

Jas - "Oh my god Gee isn't this news fantastic! I hope Tom gets picked for Romeo!"

Me - "I'll try to contain my joy."

**5 minutes later**

I wonder if Dave will come? Not that I'm supposed to talk to him or whatever. I'm not quite sure what the exact rules are but I think the main message from Emma was "stay away from my man bitch".

Well not exactly like that by you get the gist.

Hmmm I wonder how I can find out?

I can't seem to mention it to Jas or Rosie etc. They seem to be treating Dave as a "forbidden" topic.

They probably think I'll start blubbing again like I did that time he told me he was staying with Emma, or this past weekend.

But the strange thing is I think I've blubbed all the tears out of me.

I feel miz constantly but I'm starting to get used to it.

It's just like endless torture really.

Jealous?

**30 seconds later**

Sent a note to Jools.

_Bonjour chum, do you know off Rollo if Dave is out of hospital yet? Has he said anything about it to you?_

_Gee_

_x_

Jools is the only one I can mention Dave to. She doesn't go all shifty eyes and nervous stuttering on me like the others.

For them the word Dave is like an alarm bell and a switch that makes them all turn into Ellen.

And let me tell you this, one Ellen is enough and that is le fact.

**20 seconds later**

Jools scribbled something down and handed the note back to me.

It's a good job Jas is too preoccupied sucking up to Miss Wilson or she would be eyeing us like goosegogs.

Unfortunately though Rosie is.

"Oy whats the fandango over here?!"

Luckily Jools had a flash of the whatsit and said, "Planning what to get you, Viking Bride-to-be, for your wedding pressie."

Rosie raised her eyebrows really high. Oh not that again.

"I don't believe you, you twits," she said but kindly (I like to think), "but just for Viking's sake, I would appreciate a new beard. A longer one. Down to my knees."

And with that she swung round and began chatting to Mabs.

Fair enough.

I opened Jool's note. It said –

_I'm not too sure, I think Rollo mentioned something about coming home last night?? There was some reason that he couldn't meet up with me. He said he had some fandango going on, maybe that was it??_

_Jools x_

Hmmm interesting.

Still, if Dave did leave the hospital last night that must mean he is ok. Well minus the lack of memory for 2 years of his life. That must suck.

Poor Dave.

**1 second later**

Lord Sandra I am such a kind generous person.

I should think about becoming a Saint.

My people (i.e. bats & the furry pals) can worship me and bring me snacks and praise. A good yowl would do the job.

**Lunch**

**1.00pm**

**On the knickertoaster**

Hmmmm nice toasty warm PANTS.

"So who do you think Tom's competitors for Romeo are?"

Oh great Jas is off to Jas land on a one way ticket.

Mabs grabbed one of Jas's precious midget gems as she said, "How do you even know Tom wants to play Romeo?"

Jas shuffled a bit. Then she started mumbling, "I..mmcall...Tom, mm at ermm break mm."

What in PANTS breaking through yonder window is she on about?!

Rosie said, "What in PANTS breaking through yonder window are you trying to say woman!!?"

Wow freaky deaky mystic meg bananas!!

Jas did a bit more shuffling. "I... may have rang him at break."

Haha Jassy Spazzy!!

She will never live this down.

Not that I'm surprised. It's just like Jassy Spazzy to go running off to Hunky as soon as possible.

"So he said yes then?" Jools asked.

Jas nodded like a nodding-thing. "Of course. But he said he'd have trouble convincing some of the others to join in."

"No!" I said sarcastically, which was of course was lost on Miss Juliet.

She nodded again. "I know! He said he'd try and talk them into it though. I think Dec is quite keen. Apparently he's a really good actor." Jas said nudging Ellen which sent her into the biggest ditherspaz of the century.

What a shocker.

I won't go through the whole... sentence as I do have places to be in the next ten years (my bat cave being top on the list) but basically it was a lot of, yeas and umms and errrs and ermss and I knows etc.

**5.00p.m **

**Home**

Hmm time for some lovely tea I think I wonder what Mutti has prepared for me...

Ahh yes dried stuff with gone-off milk!

What a treat.

**Wednesday October 26th**

**3.30p.m**

**Walking home with Miss Juliet and Mr-Maybe-Romeo**

The Foxwood lads are coming to Stalag 14 tomorrow.

Slim said in assembly, "Now I want you all on your best behaviour, that means you Miss Nicolson and Miss Mees."

For some reason I think it was directed at me and Rosie. But this is only a theory.

**2 minutes later**

Oh Slim's pyjamas I think I just saw Dave and Emma walking down the street!

I say "think" because as soon as Jas saw me looking her and Tom rugby tackled me into a flowerbed!

And then Mark Big Gob and fellow blunder boys walked by and yelled, "Whey to go man, double the nungas means double the fun! Get in there!"

Oh pathetico of them.

Tom and Jas had a spaz attack and jumped away from me like I had the black death.

Charming.

And then Jas began to "rearrange" the flowers. God forbid we crush God's wonderful plants.

I don't think God would mind myself, he's too busy crushing my heart.

**4.00p.m**

**Home in the land of Swiss Family Mad**

Libby came bounding up to me when I walked through the door. Since when did she beat me home?

Mum must have to be home early to go do salsa or yoga or some other pointless activity that women going through a mid-life crisis do.

"Gingey I LOBE you!!" She said (well yelled) at me and tried to climb her way up my leg.

She is not light for a 5 year old that is le fact.

I picked her up. At least I have someone who loves me.

**2 seconds later**

Ewwww.

Libby just licked the side of my face! Then she started laughing her crazy heggy-hog laugh.

Scary potatoes.

**30 seconds later**

"Georgie is that you pet?" Mutti called, appearing at the top of the stairs in... less of an outfit than prossies where.

I said "No she is unavailable at this present time, try calling when you have found the clothes of the correct era." Which I think is vair amusant.

Mutti pretended not to hear me. She must want something.

**2 seconds later**

"Georgie dear can you nip to the shops and get Angus and Gordy some catfood?"

Catfood? What do they need catfood for? They get better meals than me from the garbage.

Mutti ran down the stairs and handed me something.

Christ on bike! 20 squids!

"Here, get yourself something pretty with the change eh?" She said and tweaked my cheek!!

Lord Sandra.

**4.45p.m**

**In boots**

This is such bribery.

But I don't care because I have 16 squids for spenderooneys.

I found the cheapest catfood possible so I have more money for lipgloss. That is the ingeniosity of moi.

Hmm what flavour to get though?

Not that it matters I suppose. There's not anyone that wants to snog me. Or that I want to snog.

Well, I suppose I can think of one...

**3 seconds later**

Oh my giddy god pyjamas! Tom and Marsupial Man (a.k.a Robbie) have just walked into boots! What in Grandvati's undersized cycling shorts are they doing here?!

**1 second later**

Oh drat they've seen me. Robbie waved and then they both started making their way over to me.

The last thing I need right now is Robbie telling me about his great relationship with Wet Lindsey.

"Hey Gee," Robbie and Tom said.

I nodded and smiled.

They're looking all weird at me. Probably like I'm batwoman. Which I am.

"Err Gee what's that?" Tom asked pointing at my shopping bags.

Oh lord. All you can see is a picture of a huge furry face.

"Erm... it's just food. Catfood. For Angus and Gordy. Not for me."

Robbie grinned, "Right. Do you want to go get something to drink?"

Uh-oh, return of the Sex God, asking me on a date.

Although, Tom is there so it can't be a date.

And even better (I think) I don't feel jelloid at all! Which means no red bottom!

But can you even have the red bottom when you don't have a boyfriend or One and Only One?

My head hurts.

**5.05p.m**

**In Luigi's sat between Tom & Robbie**

I ordered a hot chocolate, minus the whipped cream. I may not have a boyfriend but I should at least avoid the frothy moustache. That would just scare everyone away, including the bats.

"So Gee," Tom said, "How's... school?"

Oh joys he's playing the "forbidden-Dave" topic game like the Ace Gang. This is just what I need.

**15 minutes later**

This is pathetico. We have covered every inch of Stalag 14 and are now onto the English play.

I may be in a state of permanent miz but that shouldn't mean endless torture of the Stalag 14-kind.

"Jas said you're coming to Stalag 14 tomorrow to help out. Who else is coming?" I asked Tom and did a bit of wiggling my eyebrows at him.

Shuffle shuffle for Tom. Haha Vole man!

"Erm... well you know, just you know, the lads."

I frowned at him. Stupid avoider-boy.

**2 seconds later**

Robbie stared at me like a starey thing for a moment then he said, "So Tom how's Dave recovering?"

I opened my mouth like a frozen fish. Talk about getting to the whatsit.

Tom did a bit more uncomfortable shuffling. I saw Robbie sneak a glance at me and I gave him a grateful smile.

Tom glared at Robbie and said (without looking at me) "He's fine."

"Tom please," I said, "I can talk about Dave you know. Will you just tell me?"

Shifty eyes. "But Jas said..."

Robbie interrupted, "Tom she has a right to know. Now why not do the sensible thing and tell her instead of keeping her in the dark where she doesn't deserve to be?"

Wow, what amazing words of wisdom, well for Marsupial Man anyway.

**10 minutes and zonks of shuffling later**

Tom finally decided to spill.

Apparently Dave actually is "fine". Well at first he didn't know the names of Tom and co, but McDreamy said that he still felt the "emotional bond" and knew they were friends whatever that means.

And of course he knew all his family because they met before 2 years ago duh.

**1 minute later**

"How's his head?" I asked through Robbie.

Not literally duh! I mean Robbie asked it but I was thinking it. Plus Tom is more likely to answer if Robbie asks. I think Marsupial Man may have a touch of the mystic-meg about him. Scary potatoes.

"Alright. He has to keep a bandage on but he wears a bandana over the top. Thinks he's a pirate or something." Tom said grinning.

And I'm laughing. How odd. I thought I'd forgotten how to.

I won't be for long though. Now for the tricky subject...

**1 second later**

"Did he know Emma?" I asked quietly but managed to resist any blubbing extravaganza.

Tom bit his lip but answered after Robbie threw him a look. "No. But I think he's sort of with her. At least she thinks so."

Oh perfectamonda with knobs.

Robbie caught my eye and could see the teeny water droplet thingys in them; I was starting to cry.

But then he put his arm around me so I did properly start to cry.

Merde.

**3 seconds later**

"Does..." I said to Tom, "...does he remember me?"

Tom gulped. "Erm... I- I don't think so. He's not said anything sorry."

That sent me into a real blubbing spaz so Tom grabbed my hand that was shaking around my hot choccy.

Talk about pathetic. I thought I could handle this?!

**10 minutes later**

**Walking home **

Well that went well. Not.

First the blubbing scenario and then guess who walked in while I was sandwiched between and Ex-Sex God and a Maybe-Mr-Romeo?

Wet Lindsey that's who. WL who is my sworn enemy. And Robbie's girlfriend. Ish.

Anyway she saw Robbie with his arm around me and had a complete nervy b. If I wasn't in such a sheer desperadoes state it would have been vair amusant.

She marched her slimy-self up to our table and slimed out, "Robbie what in heaven's sake are you doing? You know it's not your job to babysit weeping children."

But then Robbie frowned and said "Not now Lindsey. I'll talk to you later."

She glared back and said, "Too right you will. And you can explain why you have your arm around that pathetic snivelling girl."

I felt Robbie's arm tighten on my shoulder. He was squeezing it tres tight but I thought that wouldn't' be the best time to tell him.

Robbie said (in a tres scary voice) "Go away Lindsey."

Wow that showed her!

She turned and stormed her way back out! Brillopads!

After that octopus fiasco I said a quick goodbye and am now making my way back to the Loonville residence.

**Thursday October 28th**

**3.00p.m**

Waiting for the Foxwood lads to arrive. Everyone is pressed up against the window trying to spot the bus.

Honestly, they have no digniosity. You would think they had never come into contact with the boy-type species. Which incidentally, some of the dim-witted ones haven't.

Still, live and let live. At least we got out of Stalag 14 early. Well not out out, we are still trapped in this hell hole. But we're out of lessons and away from Hawkeye which is a plus in anyone's books.

**2 minutes later**

One of the pathetic girls at the window (i.e. Jazzy Spazzy) had a sighting so they all rushed off to the Tart's Wardrobe.

I was very nearly trampled to death, they are like a herd of elephants is what they're like.

Why bother waiting squished like squished things against a window if you run off when what you're waiting for actually arrives?!

Obviously I have more digniosity.

**30 seconds later**

In the Tart's Wardbroke.

I lost my whatsit (oo-er) when I saw the lads getting off the bus. I think it's because I don't want to see Dave.

Except I do.

**1 second later**

But I don't.

**2 seconds later**

No, I do...

**1 second later**

...not.

**10 minutes later**

Hiding behind in the line while Miss Wilson talks to us all. She is useful for something at least. I can't see a thing.

The Ace Gang are all giving me the eyebrow raise, especially Rosie. But at least I can't see Dave. And he can't see me.

Not that it would matter him not remembering me an' all.

**1 minute later**

Uh-oh, we have to split off into groups to practice our "inner characters".

This should be fun. Not.

Naturally Tom and co came over to join our group (i.e. they all started snogging). Well except Po and Hunky who actually did what Miss Wilson said. How vair vair sad.

So the Vole couple are off being Mrs Juilet and Mr-Maybe-Romeo, Jools is snogging Rollo, Mabs is snogging Edward, Ellen and Dec are stuttering their way to snogging and Rosie has ran off to fetch her beard.

For the incredibly dim out there that means I am left with...

**1 second later**

"Hi, I'm Dave."

Oh pantyhose I think I've gone all jelloid.

**Ahhh a cliff hanger! It's a shocker I know...**

**But PLEASE keep reviewing I love them! And I hope this took a turn you didn't expect... but it's going to get better from here you'll see!**

**Horn's out! ;) x**


	8. I see PANTS on the Horizon!

**Hey everyone heres chappy 7!! **

**Thankyou all so much for all my reviews! This chappy is the longest so far I think so its for all my reviewers who are vair vair kind to me & leave lots of nice & funny comments...they do make me laugh! XD**

**big WOOOOO to Rosiee who was my 50th reviewer!!!!! and also to Double awesomeness with Knobs who was my 60th!!!!!! woop woop woop!!**

**I'd like to so THANKS to my fwend Jane who helped me with the ramblings in this chappy =) (she is the other writer of "Flattened by a Laughing Camel")**

**Hmmm... so yeah heres the chappy... the title is quite significant as it sets the scene for the next for chapters to come! oooo and while I remember I know Dave came out of hospital straight away when it takes however long in real life but I thought i would make him have a speedy recovery because otherwise there would be not Dave in the chapters and whats a story without Dave!?**

**Exactly. :P**

"**I see PANTS on the horizon!"**

_Miss Wilson just announced that once again, the Foxwood lads will be "assisting" in our school production. _

_What's more, she's thinking about letting them actually play parts this time. _

_I wonder if Dave will come? Not that I'm supposed to talk to him or whatever. I'm not quite sure what the exact rules are but I think the main message from Emma was "stay away from my man bitch". _

_Waiting for the Foxwood lads to arrive._

_In the Tart's Wardbroke. _

_I lost my whatsit (oo-er) when I saw the lads getting off the bus. I think it's because I don't want to see Dave. _

_Except I do..._

_The Vole couple are off being Mrs Juilet and Mr-Maybe-Romeo, Jools is snogging Rollo, Mabs is snogging Edward, Ellen and Dec are stuttering their way to snogging and Rosie has ran off to fetch her beard. _

_For the incredibly dim out there that means I am left with..._

"_Hi, I'm Dave."_

**Thursday October 27th**

**1 second later**

Oh my giddy god.

Dave here. In front of me. Talking to me.

I see what Tom meant about the bandana. It's got a flashy skull and cross bones on the front. Vair groovy bananas. Groovy bandana bananas in fact.

His eyes are the same. Browny greeny swirls. But why would they have changed? I am being vair vair dim. He had some head op, not eye removal surgery. Just as well, his eyes are too gorgey to change.

Oooo and his mouth! It looks as good as new. Not that it's old. In fact, it looks in tip top shape. I bet Dave could do some good nip lib-

"Are you ok?"

Oh got in himmel! How long was I daydreaming for?

He must think I'm extremely dim-witted like P. Green and ADM.

Merde.

**1 second later**

I gathered up my wittyness and said, "Sorry, yes, I'm err, as fine as a fine thing in fine land on a fine d-"

I stopped talking. He's looking at me all funny with eyebrows raised.

I think it's that "what a crazy mess" look. Which I suppose is dead on.

"I guess you heard about my accident then," Dave said, "but it's all good now you don't need to worry. I don't have any hideous scars to scare you with. Just this." Then he waved his arm at me.

Oh Christ on bike he's got a plaster and slingy thing on! His arm is broken! Tom forgot to mention that.

I guess I was too busy looking at his face to notice...

"No" I said, "I wasn't thinking about your accident." I was thinking about your groovy gravy face and nip libbing skills.

Dave gave me yet another funny look. I don't think he believes me.

"Yo groovsters!!" What is happening-eth over here?" Yupp, Rosie's arrived back from the loos. Brillopads.

Dave seemed pretty surprised to see a mad girl (or rather twit) in a beard but he got over it quick and said "Oh this Sex Kitten was just checking me out."

WHATTT?

I stared at Dave. RoRo stared at Dave. We both stared at him agog as two agog things.

"What?" Dave asked confused, "I was only joking, she was looking at my injuries."

**1 second later**

Rosie looked at me and we burst into laughing of the highest fake kind. In fact we sounded a lot like Libby. You know, heggy heggy hog ho heggy heggy hog.

Vair attractive I know.

Dave edged away over to Po and Hunky. I don't blame him.

When he was a safe distance (i.e. out of hearing range) away Rosie raised her eyebrows at me really really high.

I said, "He erm he, I mean did he like I mean well erm..."

Rosie biffed me across the head and said, "Georgia if you have returned to the land of the Loons that can actually string a sentence together and have therefore stopped doing a better impression of an Ellen-esq ditherspaz than the girl herself does, would you like to ask the question properly?"

I biffed her back and said "He called me Sex Kitty!"

Rosie shook her head, "No he called you Sex _Kitten _mon ami. And by the look on his face he clearly didn't have the knowledge of a whatsit on the subject. On and if you biff me again I shall set my Viking Lord on you."

I laughed.

Rosie frowned. Scary potatoes.

**4.00pm**

Still rehearsing. Man this is tiring work. I think it's true to say that my tip-top hockey days are behind me. I'm panting like a loon.

And all I did was run to the vending machine and back.

Everyone wanted snacks so me, being the extremely kind and generous person that I am volunteered to go and get them. Plus I needed stop staring at Dave.

But I don't think he's noticed that I've been watching him constantly. Which is good. Isn't it?

I wonder what Emma would do if she knew? Get to number 10 on the losing it scale deffo.

**2 minutes later**

Ow bloody ow! Just been attacked by vicious vultures of the Ace Gang and lad form. They are not very patient when it comes to the matter of snacks and that is le fact.

The only person who didn't savage my hands was Dave. And I think that's only because he (thinks he) doesn't know me very well. He is sweet. Awww.

**4.30pm**

**Walking with the lads & Ace Gang**

Finally been let loose.

Although I am now walking home sandwiched between Rosie and Sven (he arrived from nowhere as per usual). I think they are trying to stop me walking next to Dave. I would have thought that would be Jas's job but of course she is too pre-occupied with Tom.

They are probably discussing the play because they are vair vair sad. The first thing Jazzy Spazzy said after we got out of Stalag 14 was "Tom shall we go and rehearse lines at mine?"

What did I say? Sad.

Tom hasn't even definitely got the part of Romeo yet. But of course Jas thinks it's a "sure thing". Pfft, she gets chosen for a couple lead roles and all of a sudden she's Billy Shakespeare.

**7 minutes later**

Rosie and Sven have just galloped off. Probably to go snog in some bush somewhere. How romantic.

Before she left Rosie gave me yet more raised eyebrows. If she carries on doing that they will most likely get stuck there.

I said to her, "If you keep raising your eyebrows like that they will get stuck there you know."

She said "Oh I think not you twit." But she put them down anyway. Haha.

So now the mad Viking couple have skedaddled off, Mabs dragged Edward somewhere (poor boy) and Ellen dithered away with Dec so it's just me, Jools, Rollo, Dave, Miss Juliet and Mr-Maybe-Romeo.

**2 seconds later**

Uh-oh Dave has come to walk next to me. I'm surprised he's stayed within a 10 mile radius after out last encounter. But live and let live I say.

"So Rosie, she's a bit... odd."

I glanced sideways at Dave and raised my eyebrows. Oh dear I'm turning into the Viking One myself. "Yeah and my Vati has just _a bit_ of a portly belly."

Dave burst out laughing. What's funny? That is a fact.

"I hope you don't mind me saying this but you are quite sensationally mad."

I smiled. "I don't mind."

Ok so this isn't that awkward. In fact it's quite nice.

"Good," Dave grinned. "What's Vati?"

"Vati? Vati is dad. The papio. Daddy, father, pere-"

He cut me off laughing, "Right ok. So instead of saying 'I am the Daddy', I would say 'I am the Vati'?"

What in memory lane's pyjamas?! I swear on Jas's owl collection that I've already had this conversation with Dave. Freaky deaky beans.

I managed to engage my brain and nod.

"Hmm interesting," He said, "So you would be the Mutti right?"

"What?!" I said a wee bit too loud, "No no no do not call me that!"

Dave started laughing again.

"Ok Mutti."

Oh Gott in Himmel I have been scarred for life.

**10 minutes later**

Just me and Dave walking now.

Rollo and Jools went into town and Po and Hunky rambled off to practice the play. I got a bit of an Ellen stutter from Jas before she left though. It was something along the lines of "But you, what about err, are you sure you should be, hmm, you know, what are you..."

But thankfully Tom called her away. He nodded at me so I gave him a little smile.

**2 minutes later**

**Outside the Gateway to Loons (i.e. my house)**

"So this is me." I said.

Dave nodded and said, "Cool, I guess I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsals then."

"Oh yeah can't wait." I said (sarcastically obviously). "Billy has taken Stalag 14 by storm."

He laughed again. He laughs an awful lot. Not that it's awful, it's good... but you get my nub and gist. He is Dave the LAUGH after all.

"Erm, bye Dave." I said.

"Right, bye err..."

Oh Lord Sandra he doesn't know my name! How can he not know my name? We just spent the last hour or so talking! Unless I didn't tell him...

But that's no excuse.

"Georgia." I said helpfully because that is what I am; helpful.

"Georgia," Dave smiled at me, "Bye then."

**6.00pm**

**In my boudoir of boredom**

I have an urge to ring Dave.

But I can't. Because I don't know him. Well obviously I know him, but he doesn't know I know him if you know what I mean and I think you do.

He only thinks we met today. And he didn't give me his phone number so I can't call him. Plus Emma would have a nervy b if she knew. Mustn't anger the beast. I know, I live with Vati.

**30 seconds later**

The phone has somehow crept into my hand. How did it get there?!

**1 second later**

No! I must resist the temptation like Sandra himself. Not that Dave is the devil.

In fact he's a tres gorgey angel with excellent lip nibbling techniques.

Quel dommage what if Dave has lost his lip nibbling skills with his memory! No, I shouldn't think such horrible thoughts.

**10 seconds later**

Ringing Robbie.

It'll help me not ring Dave and also I need to thank him for getting info out of Vole boy the other day.

"Hello Robbie Jenning's house." Oh merde it's Wet Lindsey!

What in her slimy forehead is she answering his phone for? I know Tom said she was clingy but this is just new heights of patheticness even for her.

Time for improvisation me thinks...

"Oh HAIIII, me nam iz Gillyyyyannnn iz Sir Robbiess there?"

Wow my acting skills are tip top if I do say so myself.

"Erm of course, yes, sure." Haha I fooled the octopus.

**7 seconds & a few phone shuffles later**

Robbie answered, "Hello?"

"HAIIII," Merde, forgot to come out of character.

"Ow there goes my ability to hear. Is that you Georgia?"

How did he know it was me?

"Err yeah sorry about that. I didn't want Lindsey to know, you know after yesterdays fandango..."

"Yeah I understand, how are you?" He said.

"Oh fine as a fine thing. I just wanted to say thank you for the other day, you know, helping me find out about Dave an' all." Wow how weird is this? A normal conversation with the Sex God. Or Ex Sex God as he is now. There's no hint of jelloidness or anything. That my friend, is growth! Thank you baby Jesus.

"No problem, happy to help. Sorry about... afterwards with, you know..."

Yes I do know Robbie you mean that wet weed that you now have as a girlfriend as you have let yourself go.

I didn't say that. I said, "It's alright, I know you can't control how sad and wet Lindsey is. I think we both know she is beyond help."

Robbie coughed, "Erm..."

"I have to go now," I lied, (it was beginning to get a wee bit uncomfortable). "Bye Robbie, thanks again."

"Yeah, bye Georgia, nice to hear from you."

**10.00pm **

All snugly snugly in bed with Libbys 'fwends'. Thankfully she's not here though. And neither are the furry pals. Hmm they must be out playing that well known game of "torture the poodles". What larks.

Mutti is vair vair rude. She never thanked me for getting the food for Angus and son. Ha that sounds like some sort of company. Or maybe a secret agency.

Angus & son; licence to kill.

Oh what hilariosity the furry pals bring to the world. I think Angus has defiantly got his former strength back. And he doesn't walk round in circles any more.

I wonder if Dave walks round in circles?

Although he was in a car crash, not hit by one. But you never know with Dave...

**1 minute later**

I can't believe I'm in bed so early. This is so not like moi.

But an early to bed person is an early to rise whatsit. Which is what I am. Or will be in the morning.

**1 hour later**

I can't sleep. Why can't I sleep?

I feel a bit tingly about tomorrow actually. But in a good way.

I think I'm excited to see Dave. Hmmm how strange.

Well not really because I remember I used to be excited to see him but that was when I knew deep in my nungas that I would probably get a trip to number 6. But this time there's definitely no chance of that because we "just met" so why am I excited?

Another one of God's unanswered questions. He really needs to get his act together.

I shall never sleep again and it's all Sandra's fault.

**10 seconds later**

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

**Friday October 28th**

**8.45a.m**

Panting like a fool in a beret to Stalag 14. Which incidentally I am.

This is just typical. First of all I can't fall asleep. Then I can't wake up. I only had time to put one layer of foundation on. I hope no lurkers appear, although I do have most of my make-up in my bag. It weighs more than Angus does and that is le fact.

Jas has already gone. Of course, she probably has some before-school rehearsing to do as that is the sadiosity of her life.

But there is an upside (ish), I am so late that Hawkeye isn't at the gate to have an f.t and give me a bad conduct mark.

**9.00a.m **

**Le Anglais**

All aloney on my owny.

Everyone is in assembly but there is no chance in hell I am walking in there so that everyone can stare at me like agog things.

Instead I shall use my alone time like a productive whatsit.

**2 minutes**

**Re-doing my makeup**

Why couldn't I have had blodge first? In that room they have lots of those microscope fandango thingys with mirrors. They would be vair useful now instead of the window.

I hope Slim or any Hitler Youth don't walk past right now.

**5 minutes later**

I can hear voices.

"Yoddelyhehoooo!"

Hmm who could that be? I'll give you three guesses.

**10 seconds later**

"Georgia!" Rosie yelled as she forward-rolled into the room. No joke. "Why weren't youuuu in assembly. We had to listen to Slim rave on about whatsits and whatnots and maybe the bats again." She waved her hands around and sighed dramatically. "I'm not sure it was vair vair boring."

I nodded, "Hence why I used my amazing sense and skipped it."

She eyed me, "Don't lie you were late as usual."

I shrugged, "Maybe...-"

"Georgia! What happened last night with Dave?" Oh joys Jassy Spazzy has arrived.

"Nevermind," RoRo said quickly, "I see you have other things to share with the Ace Gang!"

**30 seconds later**

The Ace Gang are sat round me agog as five agog things. Good going Jas.

Merde.

"So what happened after me and Tom left?" Jas asked.

"Nothing." I said. "We carried on walking."

Rosie raised her eyebrows. They all did.

"Georgia you know you shouldn't do this. You need to stay away from him." Jas said.

I frowned, "What nothing happened! We just walked and talked! It is possible to not snog someone you know!"

Jas tutted, "I know that, but you don't with a red bottom of your size."

How rude! I am officially ignorez-vousing.

**2 seconds later**

Miss Wilson has arrived.

Great, back to Romeo & Juliet. The fun just keeps on coming.

**3.45pm**

**Rehearsals**

The lads are all here again. But Jas and Rosie are keeping a sharp hawkeye on me. They probably expect me to run over to Dave and jump on him and snog him. But I have more digniosity than that. Ish.

Miss Wilson is flapping around like a flapping twit (which she is) while the Romeo's audition. Jas is reading out lines with them on the stage. She tried to act all unbothered until it was time for Hunky's turn. Then she took it all seriously (like she normally does) and flipped into action.

I bet she thought she sounded all professional talking Billy lingo.

But in fact she sounded like she had a twig up her bum-e-oly.

**5 minutes later**

What larks! Dave has just auditioned for Romeo! He was actually really good which made Jas go all spazoid cos she didn't know what to do. She really wants Hunky to get it but Dave is quite talented in the acting area.

Although he probably won't get the part considering during his bit he jumped up and yelled, "Yo ho I see PANTS on the horizon!"

It was so funny we all laughed like loons on loon tablets. Well everyone except Dave. He looked vair vair confused like he didn't know what had just come out his mouth.

I said to Rosie, "Clearly he doesn't remember his obsession with PANTS."

"Clearly," she said.

**5.00pm**

**At the park**

Hmmm I remember the last time I was in the park with Dave and co. It was when he found out me and Masimo were over.

How long ago was that?! Very long that's how.

Jas and Hunky are off looking at some frogsprawn fandango thingy. Eww.

Rosie is sat in a tree with Sven. They both have on matching scarves and hats. And gloves. And beards. Oh dear indeed.

She is snogging Sven and still keeping a hawkeye on me. How does she do that?

Not that she has to worry, Dave is playing footy with the lads. He's probably forgotten about me.

**5 minutes later**

Oh my giddy god Dave has just come over!

"Can you just pass us that drink?" He said, pointing to a bottle. I grabbed it and threw it over to him.

And when I say threw I mean gave it a pathetic shove so it landed nowhere near him. But luckily he laughed and bent down to pick it up, then sat next to me.

"So Jas is your best friend right?" He asked after taking a drink.

I nodded, "Yupp her Rosie Jools everyone."

"And Jas has been going out with Tom for how long?"

I shrugged, "Zonks. They're practically married. And Rosie and Sven, they're due to be married."

"Yeah Tom said something about that. The Sven and Rosie thing, not the him and Jas thing."

I grinned, "Right." Pause.

"Should you be playing footy so soon after your operation?"

Dave grinned, "Worried Mutti?"

Oh no. Do I sound like a Mutti?

Worse, I sound like Jas.

Merde.

"I said don't call me that you know." I told Dave in what I like to think was a stern but kind way.

Dave shrugged and tapped his head, "Sorry, got a bit of a memory problem." Then he grinned. He is such a bad liar.

I said to him, "You are a bad liar Dave you can remember things after the operation perfectly well."

"Yeah that's true," he laughed then tapped his head again, no his bandana, "But it's not Dave, Pirate Dave alrighteo?!"

I stared at him in that "ok if you insist but you look like a twit and now you are acting like one" way. I think he got it.

"Oh no..." Dave said.

"What?" I asked, he looked rather worried.

And that's when he jumped on me.

**1 second later**

Not in that way you rudey dudey people.

He just pushed me out the way because a certain tall blonde Viking-type folk fell out the tree.

Christ on bike I'm lucky Dave did that or I would be a squished Sweedish sandwich right now.

**3 seconds later**

Laughing like a loon on tablets.

I do have fun with Dave. And we aren't even snogging.

Hmmm... why can't we just be friends?

No wait Emma would flip out and possibly kill me, I can't be friends with Dave.

**1 second later**

Dave just grinned cheekily at me. Jelloid-alert!!

**1 second later**

Ok maybe I just won't tell her...

**I think this is the nearest thing you are going to get from me that's not a cliff hanger! but it still kind of is one =D this chappy is more light-hearted than the others have been I think but I hope you all still liked it!**

**Please keep up the amazing reviews & i promise i will try to write super speedy for you all XD**

**horn's out! ;)**


	9. Gone a bit Batty

**It's here!! The next chappy!! =)**

**first though... shout out to _LaughKittyKatForEver _who was my 70th reviewer!!! fabness! XD**

**also special thanks to _Double Awesomeness With Knobs_ who said she was my biggest fan :P & to _LaughLvr_ who said this is her new fav fan fic XD and to all my other reviewers who take the time to leave a comment I love you all (in a non-lessie way obv.)**

**I have to say my fav review for this chappy was from _Sara_... you made me laugh like a loon :P & don't worry you didn't give away a spoiler! (not one I had planned yet anyway!)**

**Anyway on with the story folks, this is my longest chapter yet! woop!! **

**Horn's out! ;)**

"**Gone a bit Batty"**

_The lads are all here again. But Jas and Rosie are keeping a sharp hawkeye on me. They probably expect me to run over to Dave and jump on him and snog him. _

_But I don't think he's noticed that I've been watching him constantly. Which is good. Isn't it?_

_I wonder what Emma would do if she knew? Get to number 10 on the losing it scale deffo. _

"_Right, bye err..."_

_Oh Lord Sandra he doesn't know my name! How can he not know my name?_

"_Georgia." I said helpfully because that is what I am; helpful._

_Laughing like a loon on tablets. _

_I do have fun with Dave. And we aren't even snogging. _

_Hmmm... why can't we just be friends? _

_No wait Emma would flip out and possibly kill me, I can't be friends with Dave. _

_**1 second later**_

_Ok maybe I just won't tell her..._

**Sunday October 30****th**

**In my bed with Libby. And Gordy. And Sandra and every other one of Libby's fwends.**

Up at the crack of 11a.m.

I am vair vair tired and when you are vair vair tired there are better ways of being woken up than by your mad toddly sister and her army of shredded loons.

Although she's hardly a toddly folk anymore. For a 5 year old she is rather large. She's taking up more of my bed than I am which is rather selfish since I have newly-hurt toes and achy legs.

I think I spent a zillion hours shopping yesterday.

Me and the Ace Gang went into town to get our outfits for Rosie's Halloween party tomorrow night. I am feeling a bit nervy-ish about it because Dave will be invited I think, (not that I could ask the Viking One on the "forbidden topic".)

It should be a larrrrf though. We are all going to wear matching bat outfits. It was Rosie's idea of course and she forced it on all of us.

I picked out a groovy cat outfit but the Ace Gang all raised their eyebrows and stared at me like agog things.

"What?" I said to them.

Then Rosie leapt forward and ripped the dress type thing from my hand. She is about as gentle as a rhino. I.e. not gentle at all.

"Gee we know what you're doing." Jas said all wise-like and fringey. Shut up fringey.

"I'm not doing anything," I said.

"Wrong mon ami!" Rosie shouted.

Jas said, "You're dressing like a cat and hope that Dave will call you Kittykat or Sex Kitty or whatever and then remember you."

Merde she got it.

"No I'm not." I lied. "Actually Mrs Vole I have two Kittykats at home that you may well know of and so like cats myself so since I like cats I think it's perfectly acceptable and nothing to do with a certain Laugh that I dress as a Kittykat as I do in fact like the animals."

Wowzee all that without a breath.

Rosie jumped up in my face. Not literally in my face but near my face, you get the nub and gist of things. "You hate animals."

"I do not!" I lied again.

"Do too!" Mabs chipped in.

"Do not!"

And that's how it went for zonks until Rosie actually rugby tackled me out the store. And while I was being savagely attacked the others bought bat costumes for us all.

So bats it is.

**2 minutes later**

I suppose I'm not too bothered. Me and Rosie did have fun painting bats all over Stalag 14, seems only fair to them that we follow up and be Viking bats ourselves.

But I was kind of hoping Dave might just remember me...

**11.30am**

Downstairs eating a nutritious breakfast of cheesy puffs. Libby is sat opposite me stuffing her face. No wonder she is so big she eats like an elephant.

Even Gordy is eating with us. Well actually he's sat in a bowl on the table and Libby keeps throwing cheesy puffs at him. He is vair vair dim and can't work out where they are coming from.

Although it is quite funny to see him have a spaz attack every few seconds. He is not the cat of his Vati and that is le fact.

**1 minute later**

I said, "Bibs I think Gordy has had enough breakfast now, why don't you let me take him-"

Ow bloody ow!!

Gordy just bit my hand! Libby is laughing like a loon.

I was only trying to rescue him from the clutches of the crazy child but if this is how my generoisity gets repaid I shall let him suffer.

**30 seconds later**

Gordy is all curled up on Libby's lap and she is feeding him cheesy puffs.

Ok so maybe he's not suffering.

In fact they look vair vair cute together. Awwwwwww.

**2 minutes later**

Where are Mutti and Vati?

They are forever abandoning me and Libs to go and cause havoc in the neighbourhood.

Not that I care, in fact I much prefer them when they are not here.

**2.15pm**

**Phoning Jas**

"Hello?"

Hmmm that voice sounds a tad to masculine for Jas.

"Jas?" I said.

Laughing. "No it's Tom, is that you Gee?"

"Yupp, is Jas there?"

Tom said, "No she's out with her parents."

"Erm ok... so why are you at her house?" I asked. Maybe he's a burglar. But surely that's against the rambling code. And since when did burglars answer the phone?!

"I'm waiting for her to come back. I have a key."

Oh my giddy god Hunky has a key to Po's house?! They are practically married! How serious are they? Unless it's just part of the rambling association.

But hey ho I guess I can use Jas's absence to my advantage.

"Cool beans, so how are you?" I asked kindly.

"I'm fine thanks, Jas is going to bring a jar of-"

"That's great!" I interrupted, "How's Dave?"

"Erm... Gee I'm not sure-"

I said, "Tom come on you know what Robbie said, I deserve to know. And Jas isn't there to biff you or anything."

**15 minutes later**

Tom is rather a ditherer on the phone and that is le fact.

But I found out some more stuff. Tom said Dave is confuzzled over why he has an obsession with PANTS which I think is vair hilarious. And he's definitely invited to Rosie's Halloween party which is a plus!

Hunky also said some stuff about the hospital checkups and treatment and recovery etc but I tried my best to zone out the boring bits.

"Thanks Tom," I said when I feared the rambling side was soon to come out and Tom would start talking to me about earwigs, "I really appreciate it. See you tomorrow night."

"Yeah, err no problem, I think." Tom said. "Bye."

Haha I bet he feels like he's betrayed Jassy Spazzy. He's probably worrying that she'll ask for her key back if she finds out. Tehe...

**5.00pm **

**In my chambre**

I have put on some vair loud music since the Olds are not in to complain and am dancing around my room in a crazy fashion which is tres amusant.

Tis a good way of releasing all my stress after Libby decided to potty train Gordy and use my handbag as the potty.

It was my channel handbag as well.

**1 second later**

Well actually it's Mutti's which is probably why I am feeling stressed as she is sure to strangle me once she finds out. But alas it is her own fault for leaving me and Libby alone.

And also partly Gordy's fault. But Mutti's mostly.

**½ hour later**

Leaning out my window. Mr Next Door is gardening in his garden (he is vair vair sad) so I decided to entertain him by pretending to be falling.

"Oh nooooo!" I yelled in my best desperadoes voice. "Oh please someone help meeeeeeee." And I tucked my feet under the radiator as I waved my arms around outside.

Mr Next Door looked up at the damsel in distress (a.k.a moi) and said, "Be quiet up there I'm sorting out my spuds!"

But I like to think he was sick with worry on the inside. This is what I like to think.

**Monday October 31****st**

**Panting to Stalag 14 (a.k.a hell)**

So I thought I'd be late this morning for a change. I am no early bird as I do not like worms.

Oh merde, Hawkeye isn't at the gates will her usual cheeriness, which normally I'd be thrilled at, only there stands the octopus queen herself.

"Nicolson you're late." She spat at me frowning. Hmm when she frowns it makes her forehead look even smaller. In fact it may be disappearing altogether.

"Oh how jolly nice to see you too Lindsey old pal," I said smiling at her, "Be sure to turn that frown upside down sometime this year yeah?"

Wow I sound like something out of Billy Shakespeare's stuff. Jassy would be so proud.

Lindsey just had that confuzzled look on her face. Maybe I spoke to fast, she is vair vair dim after all.

"Take a bad conduct mark for your cheek and go to the Head Mistress' office now."

Slim's office for being friendly a perhaps a teensy bit late? That's a bit steep even for her.

**5 minutes later**

**Slim's office**

I walked in to find Rosie sitting down opposite Slim in all her chin-ness. I sat next to Rosie.  
I wonder what Slim could possibly want with us two?

She opened her mouth to speak. Lord Sandra that is huge, she could swallow me and Rosie whole. Though I hope she doesn't.

"I have no doubt you know why you are here."

I blinked. Rosie blinked.

"No?" Slim said.

I shook my head. So did Rosie.

"So it's not you two that have been drawing voles all over my school then?!" Slim bellowed.

I shook my head again. Best plan is always denial.

I waited for Rosie to shake her head but instead she said, "Actually that wasn't us Miss. Do you think we have been converted into the rambling folk? Those voles are not voles they're bats. They have wings," she pulled both her arms up and flapped them by her side, "So they can fly. They were around in Viking times you know."

Uh-oh Slim looks vair vair mad. I think Rosie may have angered the beast.

**3 minutes later**

We got away with a week's detention and a letter home explaining our abusive behaviour towards school property. Rosie said Sven will eat hers, which is probably one of his most useful qualities.

I'm sure I can "accidentally" drop it down a drain on the way home. Not a problemo.

**1 second later**

RoRo is tres annoyed about the detention tonight though.

"How am I supposed to get everything organised in time now?" She said talking about her Halloween party.

"You'll still have a couple of hours. How long does it take to set up everything?" I asked.

Rosie just raised her eyebrows, "Attention to detail my friend."

Of course.

**1.00pm**

**Lunch**

Can this day go any slower? I am being tortured by pathetic spindly fools and their sadistic mates wherever I go.

Lindsey caught up with me again at break and decided to personally punish me. Apparently it was for the bat incident but her life is so unbelievably dull she probably thought annoying me would spruce it up a bit.

She is wrong. Vair vair wrong.

"Nicolson!" She shouted at me.

I carried on walking down the corridor.

"Nicolson!" She yelled again.

I walked a bit faster.

**3 seconds later**

Lindsey has just panted up to me (her face is not an attractive colour, but then it never is) and pulled me round by the shoulder.

"Nicolson!" She shouted again.

I put on my best shocked face and said, "Oh hello Lindsey, I'm sorry did you mean me?" which I thought was tres hilarious of me.

She didn't.

"Shut up or I'll give you another bad conduct mark. Miss Stamp has asked me to send some prefects" *cough* hitler youths *cough* "to watch over the p.e. department during break and lunch. Unfortunately all my prefects are occupied so I volunteered you and your erm, _friend _to help out." She smiled slimly at me like the slimy thing she is.

But I shall be the one who laughs last the laughest.

She still doesn't know it was me who rang Robbie the other day. Well not yet...

"Ok Lindsey how kind of you to offer my services, byzzzzzzz now, say HAIIIIII to Robbie for me!" I said, giving her a wink before running off.

Haha that'll show her octopus head!

Yes yes and thrice yes!

**1 second later**

No no and thrice no!

I have to guard the p.e blocks from lower school titches in the freezing cold! Corr it's nippy noddles enough inside on the knicker toaster nevermind outside!!

Wait till I tell Rosie. She will be as mad as a mad thing in mad land...

**5 minutes later**

**Just told Rosie**

"Brillopads mon ami!"

What in Wet Lindsey's slimy forehead?

I said, "Excuse me?! What in Wet Lindsey's slimy forehead are you happy for?"

Rosie smiled at me, "We have been granted permission, and control, into Miss Stamp's lair!"

Oh my giddy god.

"Rosie are you on the turn?"

She biffed me on the head. "Don't be a twit you fool. We haven't painted any Viking bats over that part of Stalag 14 yet! This is perfect! Definitely a sign from the Big man himself."

"Oh yeah a sign. A fab 'come freeze your nungas off' sign."

Rosie biffed me again. "Don't be so negativeeeeeeee."

**3.30pm**

**Yes! In detention!!**

This is me being positive.

With not a hint of sarcasm. Not a hint.

**5.10pm**

After escaping the clutches of Slim me and Rosie legged it home and I got ready in record timing.

Well technically I'm not ready yet, but my outfit is pre-chosen which saves zonks of time.

So just my hair and make-up to do. We decided on going for the smoky spooky look seeing as we are bats who are tres smoky spooky indeed.

**45 minutes later**

All done! My eyes look tres groovy if I say so myself and I do. Decided to risk the boy entrancers seeing as there is zero chance of a snog. Well unless I sink to sheer desperado levels and work sticky eyes on some random Foxwood boy like in the past. Though the consequences of getting a dribbling puppy are not as good as they sound.

The party doesn't start till 7 and I am all ready! This is a first and that is le fact.

I suppose I could paint my nails black for that tres sophis look. Not that people will see it'll be dark.

Yeah there's really no point.

**30 seconds later**

Painting my nails.

**7.30pm**

**Rosie's Halloween bash**

How is it I still managed to be late after being ready zonks in advance?! Ahh well live and let live I say...

The party is a bit miz so far. And by that I mean Dave isn't here.

I wonder why? Maybe Emma told him not to come and he'd listen to her I guess, her being his girlfriend and all. Poo.

**1 second later**

The decorations are tip-top to the highest standards indeedio. I think Rosie must have ordered a truck full of bats they're hanging from every spare inch of ceiling. It's like that incredibly naff black and white oldies film "The Attack of the Killer Mushrooms."

Only here it's "The Attack of the Killer Bats." But not so much "Killer" bats as friendly groovy gravy bats who like to boogie on down.

**10 minutes later**

Woo! Just finished a round of the Viking Bison Disco Inferno Dance with the Ace Gang! Rosie magically appeared with 6 pairs of horns (!!) god knows where from. None of us dared to ask.

Anyway everyone was dancing along to Jingle Bells it was tres tres fun and brillopads extraordinaire. I even forgot about Dave. Well for the 2 minutes we were dancing anyway.

**1 minute later**

Just got a drink. All this dancing is tres thirsty work.

HA there's ginger beer! What is this Famous Five? I must have died and woken up in the 1940's.

I bet Jas brought it. That is the sadiosity of her life to bring a drink from a book.

**10 seconds later**

Drinking ginger beer. This stuff's great! I can't believe I've never tasted it before. Not that I am open to a gigantibus selection at my house. Water is about as varied as it gets.

**5 minutes later**

Still drinking ginger beer.

Some random guy is staring at me from across the room. It's probably because I look groovy gravy in my Viking Bat ensemble but still, freaky bananas.

Hmmm he's not bad looking. Well from what I can tell in the darky darkness. He's probably trying to do sticky eyes with me but I keep looking away. Ha!

Uh-oh Sven is bounding over to me with Rosie on his back. She has her arms out so her wings (yes we have wings) are flying about. Hehe brillopads!

"Mon ami!" She yelled, "What-eth are you doing over here when he," she pointed to the lad across the room, "is over there?!"

I gave her my best "what-in-pantyhose-are-you-on-about" look then remembered it was too dark for her to see.

"I'm fine over here thanks!" I shouted above the music.

"You are going to boogie on down with him now or I shall set my Viking ride on you!" She yelled.

I laughed. She wouldn't. Would she?

**30 seconds later**

Dancing with what's-his-face. I do not want Rosie to unleash Sven no sir-ee.

He is quite fit in a fit looking way. But he keeps staring at me. Like full on staring. It's almost like he tried sticky eyes and actually got stuck. Forever.

"Are you okay?" I asked but I don't think he heard because he just grinned madly and danced closer to me which would be fine only I still have a bottle of ginger beer in my hand and I don't fancy getting it all over my bat costume.

I took a step back and motioned to my drink, "I'm just putting this down." I said and did that really naff miming thing that everyone does through windows.

He nodded at me but didn't stop staring. He's rather scary that is le fact.

**3 minutes later**

I escaped into the front room which is freakily quiet compared to the rest of the house. Hopefully what's-his-face won't come and find me.

**10 seconds later**

Oh my giddy god! Dave is walking down the path with Emma! He's dressed as a spooky pirate and looks vair marvy indeed! Jelloid alert!

I think I'll just crouch down by the window so they can't see me...

**4 seconds later**

Dave just rang the doorbell. Emma is hanging on his arm like... like a hanging thing. Tres pathetico. Why is she here anyway? She wasn't invited. I don't think I can stand to see her flaunt Dave around the place.

Ooo Rosie and Jas have just opened the door. Fab. Jas will probably welcome Emma with open rambling arms.

**2 seconds later**

"Can we help you?" Jas asked. She doesn't sound very Jas-ish. Hmmm...

Emma frowned, "This is the party right?"

Rosie stepped forward and shut the door behind her and Jas. "Yes it is. But I don't remember inviting you and my Viking memory is tip-top."

Oh Lord Sandra this could turn into fistcuffs!

Dave looks vair confused. I guess Emma hasn't mentioned anything to him then.

"What's wrong? Rosie? Jas?" He asked looking between the two.

They did a bit of shifty eyes. Uh-oh.

**1 second later**

Why am I walking towards the door? What am I doing?! Stop feet stop!

**3 seconds later**

"Rosie, Jas," I said after opening the door, "It's ok, let them in."

They stared at me incredulously. Rosie said "But...what, no we can't, she..." Good god Ellen's got her tongue, I've never seen Rosie struggle for words.

I looked at Emma and she avoided my eyes. Charming after I just saved her butt.

**5 seconds later**

Emma just edged past us gripping Dave's hand.

She was right to keep her distance. Rosie looks like she's about to bite her head off. Jas is even throwing her daggers. Wow.

Dave gave me a funny look as he passed. It made me feel a bit queasy actually.

**2 seconds later**

Uh-oh I am being goggled at. I wonder if I can just leave...

"What just happened here Gee?" Jas asked.

"Well I, erm..."

"Spit it out," Rosie said which I think is a bit hypercritical myself.

"I just thought she should come in that's all." I managed to say.

"Why?!" Jas and Rosie shouted together.

"I think you've gone a bit batty mon ami." Rosie said, "Come on she stopped you from seeing Dave and is lying to him about you two! And now you want to play nice and let her groove at my party?"

"Hold on a flying pigging second!" I shouted, "You two haven't let me hear or speak about Dave after the hospital fiasco! I thought you were on Emma's side!"

"Gee," Jas said quietly, "we were trying to help you get over him. What Emma did was horrible and wrong. We all know how much you two should have been together, and we were all rooting for you, even me," she smiled sadly, "but Emma did what she did and now he's with her. We just don't want you to get hurt that's all. I know it's hard to accept, and I wish it wasn't true, but Dave doesn't remember you. I'm so sorry Gee."

**1 second later**

My eyes have filled with tears to blub. Why am I blubbing? I thought I was past that stage.

Unless I'm not crying about Dave.

In fact, I think I'm crying about Jas. And Rosie. But happy crying if you get my nub and gist.

Jas and Rosie leaned forward and pulled me into a big bat hug. It feels strangely nice.

**2 seconds later**

"Thanks," I said quietly, "I... I love you two."

Jas said, "But not in a lezzie way right?"

I grinned, "Right."

**9.30pm**

Ok so the party isn't so bad. Rosie and Jas have managed to refrain themselves from biffing Emma and we had a few more goes at the Viking Bison Disco Inferno Dance and for piece of resistance the Viking Disco Hornpipe dance! Rosie had even made special bat ear-shaped ear muffs for us to wear and gave us paddles with little bad wings attacked! That is the cream of the whatsits if there ever was one.

I like to think Dave was very impressed with our sophisiosity. This is what I like to think.

Well at the end when we all cried "Land AHOYYY" he laughed like a loon and then joined in! He probably thought we were being Pirates or something so felt quite at home.

**2 seconds later**

I had a bit of a nervy-b around 9 when I saw Dave dancing vair vair close with Emma. If they weren't carefully they would knock each other out on the fast parts.

Jas had asked, "What's up Gee?"

I thought as quick as a quick thing and pointed to my bottle saying, "I've ran out of ginger beer."

Jas smiled kindly, "I think I saw some more shall I get it?"

I shook my head, "No that's ok I think I've had enough alcohol I feel a bit dizzy actually."

Jas laughed.

"What?"

She said "Gee, ginger beer is non-alcoholic."

"Oh."

**10 minutes later**

I went to cool off outside. I am sweating like a bat in a bat costume and that is le fact.

What with all the drama I didn't have time to sort out my makeup so I used a window to re-do it.

**10 seconds later**

Oh Sandra's PANTS I think I just had a heart attack!

I was putting on some more lippy when Dave's face popped up in the window! And being the amazingly cool cumber that I am I fell back into the flowerbed like a twit.

And so now my botty hurts.

I shouldn't be surprised really. Dave always manages to make me hurt my bum-e-oly. Though normally it happens when we're snogging...

**5 seconds later**

"Are you ok?"

Uh-oh Dave is stood above me holding his hand out. It is vair vair dark out here.

I reached for his hand and he pulled me up straight.

"Erm sorry about that," he laughed, "its Halloween an'all so I thought I'd do a bit of spooking."

"S'ok." I said wiping the mud off my outfit. "Just caught me by surprise."

"Yeah," Dave said laughing again, "that was the idea."

"Erm, well then, err, well done." I said and offered him my hand to shake.

What in Miss Stamp's moustache am I doing?!

Dave grinned (I think) and shook my hand thankfully. It felt weird. But good weird. In fact I think jelloid weird.

**1 second later**

I've just noticed how close me and Dave are. I think if I went on my tip-toes and forward a bit I could reach Dave's mouth...

Oh no my lips have puckered up! Bad lips! At least its tres dark out here.

Dave leaned forward for like a teensy second (or I imagined it) and I thought he was going to snog me!!

But then he said in a vair mysterious voice, "Right well I should get back in now," and turned and walked inside!

You have got to be kidding me Big G.

**Just before I forget - a quick disclaimer - I do not (unfortunately) own the Famous Five or famous ginger beer *sob* but live and let live...**

**so what did you think of this chappy? this cliff hanger is a tad more subtle but Gee didn't get what she wanted :( and believe me I am just as miz about it as you lot! (but I know the plot mwhaaaaa)**

**this chappy, (although you may not have realised) is quite significant to the plot so i hope you paid attention ;)**

**please share your thoughty whatsits and let me know EVERYTHING you are thinking XD**

**horn's out!! ;)**


	10. The Viking Fire Dance

**Wooo chapter 9 already! And this one is super cool because it has a new dance! (as you've probably guessed from the title unless you are unfortunately vair vair dim) anyway i made the dance up myself indeedio and shall be making a vid and putting it on youtube before long because i am that cool. Ye-ah. **

**What I'm planning for this fanfic is for it to finish on xmas day! which i think is a great pressie for everyone! XD**

**i shall put a new chappy up everytime my fan fic falls into 10th or higher if you get my drift. this should give everyone a good time to see it has been updated and hopefully review (?!) but of course if i get lots of reviews beforehand i shall update faster XD**

**to _xbabimiax_ - Dave didn't remember Emma after his crash, but he just went out with her anyway because she told him she was his girlfriend**

**BIG THANKS to _darcyLOVESmarissa_ who was indeed my 80th reviewer!! woop woop!!**

**and a big WOOP to _nat3brian_ because your review was deffo my fav for this chap it made me smile XD**

**anyway sorry for the rambling.. horn's out for moi ;)**

"**The Viking Fire Dance"**

_Tom said Dave is confuzzled over why he has an obsession with PANTS which I think is vair hilarious. And he's definitely invited to Rosie's Halloween party which is a plus!_

_Hunky also said some stuff about the hospital checkups and treatment and recovery etc but I tried my best to zone out the boring bits. _

_Dancing with what's-his-face. _

_He is quite fit in a fit looking way. But he keeps staring at me. Like full on staring. It's almost like he tried sticky eyes and actually got stuck. Forever..._

_Oh Sandra's PANTS I think I just had a heart attack!_

_I was putting on some more lippy when Dave's face popped up in the window!..._

_I've just noticed how close me and Dave are. I think if I went on my tip-toes and forward a bit I could reach Dave's mouth..._

_Dave leaned forward for like a teensy second (or I imagined it) and I thought he was going to snog me!!_

_But then he said in a vair mysterious voice, "Right well I should get back in now," and turned and walked inside!_

_You have got to be kidding me Big G. _

**Friday November 4****th**

**Stalag 14: Lunch**

**Freezing my nunga-nungas **

Corr its vair nippy noodles out here!  
Yes me and Rosie are stood outside the p.e block like idiot twits slave to the Wet one's torture. Since we have had rehearsals pretty much every day this week Slim changed our detentions to Wet Lindsey's suggestion of p.e block monitoring as stand-in prefects during lunch and break.

I have never been so freezing in all my life.

I can't even see Rosie. She has a gigantibus coat on with a hood that coverings all her head and gloves and a scarf. She claims it's because that's how Vikings used to dress but I know she is just nippy noodles to her core like moi.

We did have fun on Tuesday when our punishment first started. But that was mainly because all we did was paint Viking bats around the p.e buildings. But then the novelty wore off when we had no where left to paint and remembered Halloween was in fact over.

**3.30pm**

**Rom & Jule Rehearsals **

Shivering like shivering thing on shivering tablets.

Me and Rosie have officially entered the valley of the nippy noodles and can't find a way out. We spent the whole of blodge with our bum-e-olys attached to the knicker toaster but alas it did no good.

**2 minutes later**

"Are you two ok? You look a bit cold?"

Oh full marks to Jazzy Spazzy.

"Shhhuuuttt U-upp." I said and Rosie biffed her.

Well tried to biff her, her arm got stuck halfway.

**10 minutes later**

Dave is avoiding me. Well not that we really talked much anyway. But the point is he hasn't spoken to me since the Halloween party which was like a zillion days ago.

Well actually 4 but you get my drift.

I wonder why not? Does he not want to be my friend anymore? He seemed keen the other day.

I bet it's my nose. That'll but anyone off.

**2 minutes later**

I crept over to Tom, "What's up with Dave?"

Hunky went all shifty and looked around to make sure Jas wasn't watching. He is soooo paranoid.

"I'm not sure, he hasn't really been around much since Monday night."

I frowned, "What do you mean?"

He gulped and looked uncertainly at me, "Well he's been with Emma."

Ahh.

Merde and also poo.

I sulked back over to the Ace Gang.

"Emma's keeping Dave locked up somewhere so he can't see me." I said to no one in particular.

Rosie turned to me and I think she was frowning. (It's hard to tell when her face is frozen in one place.) "Youuu-u watch i-ttt."

Pfft.

**4.15pm**

All finished. Jas is overjoyed. Guess who got the part of Romeo?

I'll give you a clue, it starts with a 'H' and ends in 'unky'.

I have been demoted to "behind-the-scenes" which is another way of saying "bugger-all". I don't mind though. Should be a laugh since Dave is also there.

Well if he decides to talk to me that is. Hmm.

**2 minutes later**

Everyone is ready to leave.

Rollo shouted, "Dave you coming?"

Dave (who was over the other side of the room) rubbed his head and said, "Erm well I err, I'm not sure..."

Hmm, the phrase "having an Ellen moment" comes to mind.

Rollo waved his hand, "Look mate you coming her not?"

Dave muttered something to himself then shouted, "Yeah, yeah wait up."

**3 minutes later**

Walking home. Me and Rosie are shuffling along like frozen cod pieces. How attractive. Not.

"Have you two not warmed up yet?" Jas asked.

We turned to glare at her.

"I guess not then," She said quietly shuffling over to Hunky. Pa-thetic.

Dave is at the back. He's still not said a word to me.

Should I go over and talk to him?

No that would make me as pathetic as Mrs Juliet.

**1 minute later**

Walking next to Dave. Rollo shifted off home with Jools.

"So... you see the footy scores recently?"

What in Sandra's name am I talking about?!!

Dave laughed and said, "Sure."

"Good good." I said, "Me too... So you've been a bit quiet recently." I said because I'm le idiot.

Dave shifted a bit, "Yeah well, you know how it is busy with work and stuff. Especially since I've lost two years of my education."

I raised my eyebrows. Dave worried about work? Even a car crash can't do that to him.

"Ok maybe it's not work." Dave said grinning.

"Ok. What is it?"

"I'm not sure I should be telling you." He said, "It's, kind of private I guess."

I went off on one, "Oh right yeah because you don't know me since we just kinda met but you obviously know Emma so much better even though technically you only just met her as well but whatever you-"

I stopped.

Dave is looking at me funny, "You know Emma?"

Merde.

"No not really. Well I know her like heard of her and stuff but do I know her know her? Nope."

That should clear it up.

"Errr right."

"Right."

**In the lounge of chez moi**

It's official, Dave thinks I'm a twit of highest orders. Why did I mention football? No good things can come from mentioning football that is le fact.

"Georgia move out the room me and Eddie want to watch the footy!"

See what I mean.

**10 minutes later**

I have been ran out my own house. How rude.

I am now sitting on the wall freezing my botty off yet again. Even Angus and Gordy are inside probably in the airing cupboard with Libby. Do you know how hot it is in there?!

A lot hotter than out here.

Brrr nippy noodles.

**2 minutes later**

Oh my giddy god someone is walking down the street! And by someone I mean a certain lad going by the name of Dave. Oh gott in himmel.

**3 minutes later**

What in the name of Dave's pirate bandana?! He has just walked straight past me! Straight past! He didn't even look or smile or turn or speak. Maybe he didn't recognise me.

How can he not recognise me?!

**2 seconds later**

Was it Dave that walked past?

**30 seconds later**

"Georgia?"

Oh my Lord Sandra. Where did he come from?!

"Errr hi Dave."

"What are you doing out here it's freezing?"

"Yeah," I shivered, "I know. My Olds locked me out."

"Ahh, that's too bad."

I nodded like a nodding dog. "So why are you ... wandering the streets?"

Dave rubbed his head again. He does that a lot these days.

"Just... am I guess. Need to get a little space."

"Oh I totally understand I am constantly trying to get away from Mutti and Vati and the rest of the clown troupe which is why I'm sat out here freezing off my bum-e-oly instead of battering the door down."

Dave looked at me and grinned, "No, it's not my parents. It's... well it's my erm, girlfriend I guess."

He said girlfriend weird. He definitely said girlfriend weird. I wonder what merde and suckish turns his relationship has taken? I wonder if it's all arguments and fighting and hatred?

This is great!

**2 seconds later**

"Emma right?" I said acting as cool as le cucumber.

"That's the one," Dave said eyeing me suspiciously for a moment then relaxing. Phew.

"Well do you want to erm, you know, talk about it?" I asked.

Dave shook his head. "No, I probably shouldn't."

**5 seconds later**

Dave has joined me on the wall.

"It's just awkward if you get me."

I nodded in agreement. "Yupp, I've been down that road."

"You have?" Dave said, "What happened?"

Normally I would biff him and tell him to stop being such a nosy bugger.

But I won't as its Dave. And I want info off him too.

"Well I used to go out with this guitar plucker and after we broke up it was awkwardness-a-go-go cos he started going out with a wet weed but now we're matey mates so everything is brillo-pads."

Dave laughed. What's funny?

"So you broke up with him?" He asked.

I shook my head, "No he just chose to go snog wombats in Kiwi-a-go-go land instead of me."

"Oh." Dave said.

Oh indeed.

**30 seconds later**

"So what about you?" I asked wondering whether he would answer or call this his "private business".

He shrugged, "I guess I'm not really sure. She's nice and everything, but when we're together it's just a little..."

"Awkward?"

He nodded. "Plus it's not as if you had a choice." I said in a wise way that reflects me best.

Dave frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Well, and this is just what I heard," I added just in case, "you came round from your accident and suddenly you have a girlfriend there all ready and waiting."

Dave nodded.

"And well... you may not even want to go out with her but you couldn't really say no so..." Oh Christ on bike Dave is full on glaring at me. Uh-oh.

He jumped off the wall.

"What are you saying?! That I don't want to go out with her? She's my girlfriend you can hardly expect me to just dump her after what she's been through."

What she's been through?! The only thing she's been through is plotting and scheming to get me out the way.

I didn't say that. I just sat on the wall as quiet as a mouse.

Dave is shaking his head, "That's just, it's... it's not very-"

"Caring?" I said and Dave nodded.

Of course. The 'C' word.

Merde.

**8.00pm**

**In bed**

I think I may stay in bed for the rest of my life while I lie on the rack of love.

It is vair tiring business this stuff.

Dave left pretty soon after realising he had said too much about Emma and quickly scampered off. Probably back to Emma. To tell her how much he _cares _about her and how he loves that she is so _caring_.

Double poo with knobs.

Well I don't need _caringness._ I have my furry pals.

That's right, Angus and Cross-Eyed Gordy will stick with me till the bitter ends of endingness.

Well unless I throw them out first as they are currently attacking my slippers. While I am wearing them.

**2 seconds later**

OW BLOODY OW!

**Saturday November 5****th**

**In bed**

**9.00am**

What sort of ridiculous time is this? A vair ridiculous one that is le fact.

I see my feet survived the night. I'm surprised Angus and Gordy didn't rip them to shreds. Still, it must be a good sign to still have my toesies.

I can hear stomping downstairs. Sounds like a herd of elephants.

Libby must be awake.

**1 minute later**

Ahh its bonfire whatsits night tonight. Joys unbounded.

The furry pals will be pleased. The Prat Poodles will not. Good.

**30 seconds later**

I told the Ace Gang I would go with them to some fire-fandango on the back fields tonight but I really don't want to go.

I suppose I can just ring Jas and tell her I have the painters in. She should understand, she's always off cos of that. Rosie won't be happy though. She was planning on showing us all her new-invented Viking-Fire Dance.

In fact she will probably come and drag me out.

Merde.

**5 minutes later**

Eating a nutritious breakfast of pop tarts.

I nearly had a heart attack when I opened the cupboard – we actually have cereal in! But Gordy has eaten his way through the box so there are now rice crispies splattered everywhere. But live and let live I say, Mutti will have fun not clearing it up.

I'm sure Libby will eat her way through them soon enough. Speaking of the little toddly folk, or rather hugmongus toddly folk, where are the Swiss Family Mad? They normally start ruining my day much sooner on.

**2.00pm**

Rosie has come round.

I think she must have a touch of the mystic meg about her and knew I was thinking of skipping the bonfire whatsit. It's like she is keeping me under close eye-arrest until it's time to go. She won't even let me go to my room on my ownsies.

It's worse than having Vati around.

**1 second later**

No I take that back.

**3 minutes later**

Rosie is blocking my way.

"And where are you going Missus?" She asked me in a vair vair suspicious way.

I raised my eyebrows, "The piddly-diddly department you fool now get out my way."

She shrugged and let me past but then followed me all the way to the bathroom. She is not coming to the piddly diddly department with me that is le fact!

I said to her, "You are not coming in here with me you lessie."

She biffed me.

Ow.

**1 minute later**

Well this is freaky bananas.

Rosie keeps talking to me while I'm on the loo. Probably to check I've not sneaked out the window or something. As if I would do that I'm like 100 metres above the ground and unlike super cat Angus I do not have the sense to land on my feet.

Probably my head.

**5 seconds later**

"So where are your olds?" Rosie shouted through the door.

"They went to some pathetico party at one of Mutti's _friends_ houses."

Rosie said, "Your Mutti has friends?"

I said, "I know, it's a shock to me too."

**4.00pm**

**Sinking in lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of mud**

Did I mention there's lots of mud on this field?

Why am I here? Why am I here?

I said to Rosie, "Why am I here?"

She grabbed my hand and pulled me through some more... yep you guessed it, mud.

"Because you are a very good chum and if you don't I will be forced to eat your face."

Eat my what now?!

**3 minutes later**

We have arrived. Apparently.

From what I can tell it's exactly the same as where we were five minutes ago. There's a field. And mud. And a bit more field. And then some more mud. In the words of the recycle man; the possibilities are endless. Not.

And it's tres nippy noodles out here so I'm wearing zillions of layers to get me toasty warm.

Except I'm not toasty warm. I am vair vair cold.

**5 minutes later**

Sat around the crappest bonfire known to humanity.

It's like a couple of sticks and a teensy flame. The fire at the camping fiasco was better.

The rest of the Ace Gang have arrived and are shivering along with me. It's like a shivering fest if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Jas is sat snuggled up to Hunky opposite us. She actually looks quite warm. Tis just the selfisosity of her nature to be the only one not freezing their botty off. I bet she has her gigantibus knickers on as well. Typical.

**2 seconds later**

I wonder if Hunky knows about her knickers? Would she tell him stuff like that or consider it "inappropriate" or some other malarkey.

Although this is the same girl who got a love bite on her toe...

**15 minutes later**

Oh hell's bells Mark Big Gob has arrived with a load of blunder boys! Brillopads.

And I've just remembered, this is basically the same field where he tried to molest me that time! Ew ew ew!

But Dave gave him a duffing up afterwards like a proper boyfriend should.

**1 second later**

No wait Dave wasn't my boyfriend when the attack of the Gob happened.

And yet he still duffed him up for me.

Awww.

**5.15pm**

Panting like a loon on loon tablets.

Rosie wanted to show us her Viking Fire Dance so she pulled Jas away from Tom and we went away down the field. Jassy had a spazzy and went ballisiticisimus. It was vair vair funny to watch.

Anyway after Jas had rearranged her fringe (she is so vain) Rosie started teaching us the dance.

I have to admit that it is actually quite tip top on the hilariosity scale and a vair good invention for the Viking One.

I even thought about telling Rosie this but then she made us practice it for half an hour straight without a break. Now that my friend is cruelty to the highest level.

Ellen looks like she is about to collapse. I think its lack of oxygen. Ahh well.

**40 seconds later**

We did one last rehearsal before going back to the fire.

It's to the tune of "match of the day" and has very nearly made me quite like footy. Very nearly. But not quite.

It goes –

Jab right arm to the left four times (this is how Viking's used to light fires by grinding stones together)

Jab left arm to the right four times

Push right arm forward 2 times (Viking's throwing stuff onto fire)

Push left arm forward 2 times

Push down with both hands 4 times (pushing the wood and crap down on the fire)

Wave arms to right (being the flames)

Wave arms to left

Wave arms to right again

Wave arms to left again

Prance round in a circle (Vikings chanting round the fire)

Throw horn's into the crowd

**10 seconds later**

Sat around the "fire" once again.

Jas is having a nervy b because Hunky has disappeared.

I said, "Maybe he has found a new species of stick insect."

She threw daggers at me. Charming, that's what I get for trying to help.

**5 minutes later**

Oh pantyhose! Tom has just returned with Rollo and Sven and Dec and Ed and... Dave!

They were all carrying wood (I think for the fire but you never know...) and looked rather like those shepardy folks coming to bring Sandra his gifts. Freaky bananas.

Jas ran up to Hunky (she has no pridiosity) and tried to hug him but he said, "Careful Po, I've got some pretty sharp twigs here."

Everyone laughed like loons on loon tablets and me and Rosie shouted, "OO-ER!"

So now Jas is ignorez-vousing everyone but Tom. But it was so worth it.

**2 minutes later**

Sat on a log. In a field. In a puddle of mud. Freezing my nungas off.

The fire is actually a bonfire now with all the wood the lads brought but it is still vair vair chilly out here. And its tres darky as well. Actually it has been for a while. Where does the sun keep buggering off to these days?

**2 seconds later**

Rosie has just brought out six pairs of horns from her coat. I thought it looked a bit hugmongus...

She threw them to us all and said, "Come on Viking pallies! Time to warm out nungas and show everyone the Viking Fire Dance!!"

We all groaned.

Mabs said, "Sorry Rosie I'm stuck to the ground."

"Well I shall just have to come over there and un-stick you then!" Rosie said wiggling her eyebrows.

Mabs shot up as quick as a quick thing.

**5 minutes later**

Wooooo! We are awesomeness personified!

Everyone was clapping along! Even the blunder boys! And at the end when we through our horns off mine accidentally/on purpose landed near Dave.

Oh well, guess I'll just have to go get it back...

**10 seconds later**

"Here you go," Dave laughed handing me back my horns, (oo-er).

Hmm he seems happy. Maybe he's forgotten about the other night when I may have slagged off his _caring _Emma. Or maybe it's because of the sheer amazingness of the Viking Fire Dance. In fact, we are all now rulers of the flame.

**2 seconds later**

"Thanks," I said sitting down next to him. "You having a good time?"

Dave nodded, "Yeah it's a good laugh."

Hmmm yes you are a good laugh Mr.

Dave has a funny look on his face. I think he's... thinking. Gott in himmel.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Well a lot of people keep saying that to me."

"What?" I said.

"A good laugh. They keep calling me Dave the Laugh."

"Really?" I said putting on my best shocked impression. I think I may look like a goldfish.

"Do you mind?"

He shook his head and grinned, "Na it's kinda like a cool nickname. Plus, let's face it, I am the life and soul of a party."

I raised my eyebrows, "Sure, you've really got this place rocking."

Dave laughed, "All in good time." He winked.

"So what about you, do you have any nicknames? Anything I should call you?" Dave asked.

Hmm Sex Kitty... Kittykat.

"Nope."

Dave rubbed his chin in what he probably thought was a wise way. It wasn't.

"Well we'll have to do something about that." He said and I smiled a proper full-on nostril-flaring smile. Perfect. Not.

**½ hour later**

Everyone is munching on hot dogs that some kind old folk brought. They are groovy gravy it has to be said. Sven decided to put a bucket load of ketchup on his. Ew.

**3 minutes later**

Some of the oldies are lighting fireworks for us all to watch. The blunder boys are off playing with matches (as you do) and the Ace Gang are all snuggled up to their boyfriends. Which leaves me and Dave as two spare whatsits at this bonfire fandango.

I keep glancing at Dave and I think he's looking at me too but I can't be sure because every time I look at him he turns away vair vair speedily.

**A few head dodgings later**

Dave whispered, "Are you cold?"

Of course I'm cold! Everyone is cold here in this tres nippy noodles weather. Well everyone except the Ace Gang who have someone to keep them warm...

Oh.

**2 seconds later**

"Yusnug."

What?! What in Sandra's undergarments is yusnug?!!!

Dave laughed and scooted over slightly. "I'll take that as a yes." He grinned and I smiled at him remembering to keep my nose sucked in.

**3 seconds later**

Oh my giddy god Dave has his arm round me!

Everyone is probably looking agoged at me but I'm not going to check cos I'm too busy staring at Dave. He is marvy looking beyond belief and that is le fact.

And his arm feels vair vair luurrrrly around me.

I wonder if he will mind if I lean into him so we're cuddling properly.

**2 seconds later**

Preparing self to lean over.

**1 second later**

Leaning head over to rest on Dave's chest.

**1 second later**

Ow bloody ow!

Just as I bent my head over Dave's phone went off so he moved his arm to reach it and hit me in the head!!

Owwwwwwww!

**3 seconds later**

Dave asked, "Are you ok?"

I smiled and said. "Oh yeah everything is fi-ne."

The stutteryness is due to the fact that my eyes are full of tears. Thank Sandra it is dark so Dave can't see.

**10 seconds later**

Dave no longer has his arm around me.

He just put his phone back in his pocket and is looking rather miz. Maybe he's worried about my health?

**1 second later**

"Right I guess I'm off now." Dave said in a very un-laugh way for someone who has basically just been re-Christened a laugh.

I was about to ask why but Dave has already gone! He's just disappeared in the darky darkness!

**5 seconds later**

Update –

Sat on a log in a field of muddy hell

Freezing my nungas off

Dave the Laugh has once again ran away

This sucks.

**This was my longest chappy so far! Are you proud?! I think you should be!**

**And sorry for holding off on the kiss etc. but it's getting there as you can probably tell! but i want to make it realistic so bear (sp?) with me please XD**

**See if you can guess why Dave buggered off rather speedily...**

**horn's out! ;)**


	11. New PANTS of Life

**Ok I know I said I was going to wait till my fanfic reaches 10th or higher but... screw that I'm posting this now! XD**

**Thanks to all my old & NEW reviewers! And I don't mind if the reviews are long infact I love them :P**

**Shout out to _Dave-4-Gee_ who was in fact my 100th reviewer! Yes you read that right... 100! The big 1-0-0 :P XD I am vair vair happy as you can tell!**

**Yeah you all guessed it was Emma who texted Dave... but what she said isn't that important... its just that she has bad timing :P and bad existance as far as Dave & Gee are concerned :P**

**I'll let you read now...**

"**New PANTS of Life"**

_He shrugged, "I guess I'm not really sure. She's nice and everything, but when we're together it's just a little..."_

"_Awkward?"_

_He nodded. "Plus it's not as if you had a choice... you came round from your accident and suddenly you have a girlfriend there all ready and waiting... and well... you may not even want to go out with her but you couldn't really say no so..."_

_Oh Christ on bike Dave is full on glaring at me. Uh-oh._

_Sat around the crappest bonfire known to humanity. _

_Oh my giddy god Dave has his arm round me! _

_Ow bloody ow!_

_Just as I bent my head over Dave's phone went off so he moved his arm to reach it and hit me in the head!!_

_Update – _

_Sat on a log in a field of muddy hell_

_Freezing my nungas off_

_Dave the Laugh has once again ran away_

**Monday November 7****th**

**Rom & Jule Rehearsals**

**3.30pm**

I'll give you three guesses as to who's not here.

No two, three is just generous. Well unless you are vair vair dim. But in that case you probably won't get the answer at all.

I'll just tell you because I am that kind.

It's Dave. Quelle suprise. He seems to have a habit of disappearing after I talk to him. Maybe he is actually scared of me. Am I a scary person? (I mean like Libby and Vati scary). Hell's bells that would be merde.

**2 minutes later**

Rosie and Jas are bounding over to me looking as happy as Angus when he's playing "chase" with my feet.

This can only mean bad news.

**30 seconds later**

Being stared at by two scarily happy folk.

"Hey Gee!" Jas said and did that really naff thing where you nudge the shoulder. "Guess who's here?"

Blumin' heck she is overflowing with excitement. I should tell her to find a container for her joy. It is just rude to be happy in front of people who are clearly miserable when Laugh's aren't around.

**1 second later**

Wait a flying Jassy second! Did she just say who's here? Oh my giddy god has Dave arrived!!

"Who?" I said playing along (because I am that nice as to entertain my pallies).

**1 second later**

"Eric!" Rosie shouted.

I'm sorry what?!

"I think his name is Dave you fools." I said.

Rosie biffed me and said, "No not Dave," bit of eye-brow wiggling, "Eric!"

I frowned, "Who in Jas's gigantibus knickers is Eric?"

Jas tried to go in a huff with me but she can't for long because I can see she is dying to tell me who Eric is. Should I know an Eric?

No, I don't know an Eric.

**2 seconds later**

Jas flicked her fringe a bit before saying, "Eric is the lad you were dancing with at the Halloween party."

Merde.

"Oh." I said in a wise way, "Well what's he doing here?"

Rosie said, "You foooool he goes to Foxwood doesn't he? How else did you think I knew him?"

I shrugged but fringey said, "She was too busy staring at Dave these past rehearsals to notice anyone else."

I glared at her. Shut up fringey. Although she does have a point...

**30 seconds later**

"You are going to talk to him mon pally." Rosie said.

I shook my head. "No thanks I'm good right here in my circle of singliosity." I drew an imaginary circle around myself because I am that cool.

Jas frowned, "Come on Georgia you need to start dating, everyone agrees."

"No I don't. And who does what now?!" Who the bleating sheep has been discussing me without me?!

Jas waved her arm around like the fool she is, "It doesn't matter. Me, Rosie, a few other people. The point is you need to move out your... _circle _of single...ness and find a cute lad to date."

Good point. Well made. Not.

"And what if I like being single?" I said folding my arms.

Rosie said, "I bet you would let Dave into your circle."

**10 minutes later**

I am being set up with a stranger of the un-laugh kind. It was the only way I could get out of the Dave-circle-fandango situation.

Luckily though (or not) I get to leave early from rehearsals because I have to babysit Libby while Mutti goes out yet again with her "friends" – also known as menopausal sadists. But on the plus side I get out of "chatting" with Eric.

**2 seconds later**

But then again is it really safe to leave Jas and Rosie, Queen of the Clinically Insane, to sort out my "date" with Eric?

Jas says he's really lush. What in Sandra's beard (and Rosie's for that matter) is lush?

A vair vair sad word for a vair vair sad vole girl that is what.

**15 minutes later**

Walking home as lonely as a clud. There is no way I am going out with lush boy and that is le fact.

**4.30pm**

Currently watching Libby play the drums on Mutti's over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. They are gigantibus to the extreme.

I can't believe I only got 5 squids for this. It is like torture of the cheapest kind.

**2 minutes later**

Phone is ringing.

I suppose I'd better answer it considering Libby is, well... Libby and therefore incapable of normal human interaction unlike me who is tres sophis and mature.

**10 seconds later**

"Oh HAIIIII?"

"You! Eric! Wednesday! 7.30pm! Cinema! Be there or be square!"

Oh gott in himmel.

No no I refuse to go.

Not a chance in hell am I going

**Wednesday November 9****th**

**7.29pm**

**Walking to meet lush boy**

How did this happen?!

I have become feeble girl who lets her so-called "mates" force her to do stuff.

And its vair nippy noodles.

I wonder if I can claim I got frostbite and run home before Eric sees me.

**1 minute later**

"Hey Georgia."

Merde.

**2 seconds later**

"Oh hi erm, Eric."

He smiled. Ok so it's not a horrible smile. In fact it's quite groovy. And his hair is ok, dark and mysterious. But still...

"You alright?"

I said, "Oh yeah, I'm as alrighty as an alrighty thing. Well you know besides the frozen toes and fingers and nungas-"

That was too much information. Ahh well live and let live Eric just looks a tad confused.

**1 hour later**

**In the cinema**

**Sat at the back**

**Merde**

Does he know these are the snogging seats?

I bet he does because when I said "Let's sit at the front I have eye problems," he just dragged me up the stairs saying, "Don't worry I won't be watching the movie much either."

So either he is vair vair forward (and rather scary) or actually doesn't watch movies. In which case he would listen to them. Which really beats the point of going to the movies in the first place.

**2 seconds later**

I think it's the forward thing.

But then again we have been in the cinema for a longish time and he hasn't tried to snog me yet.

**5 minutes later**

Lush boy leaned over (uh-oh) and said, "This movie sucks. You wanna ditch?"

Does by ditch he mean leave the cinema and go have a snog fest?

"Err, well I don't know."

**10 minutes later**

Walking down some street somewhere. It is tres darky dark out here. I hope Eric knows where he's going because I certainly don't.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

It just doesn't have the same effect as when Dave said it.

I shook my head even though I am nippy noodles to my inner nungas.

Eric took off his jacket anyway and wrapped it round me. Aww that's kind of sweet a guess.

**4 minutes later**

Lush boy has his arm round me now. I thought about shaking it off but its making me warmer so really if I told him to bugger off that would just be vair vair stupid.

**In the park**

How did we get here? I can hardly see in front of me never mind follow directions.

Me and Eric are stood under a tree (I think). The moon is shining onto him and I have to admit he looks quite fit. Not in a Sex-God or Luuurve God way and definitely not in a Laugh kind-of way but fit nonetheless.

Oh no, he's leaning over me. He's going to snog me. He's definitely going to snog me.

**2 minutes later**

Snogging lush boy.

I was right with my first flash of the whatsit when I said Eric was forward. He is beyond forwardness. Didn't even bother for a bit of warmsy-upsy but jumped straight to number 5 on the snogging scale! And this is our first date-type fandango!

**30 seconds later**

Number 6! I think this boy is trying to eat me alive! He should be called slush boy not lush boy.

**1 minute later**

I leant back and pushed Eric away slightly.

He frowned and kept his arms wrapped around me, "You ok?"

I nodded, "Err yuppo, just taken by surprise." I said giving a small smile.

Eric laughed and said, "Ok, I'm going to snog you now ok?"

What? Normally I'm not one for romantico crap like Jassy Spassy but this is just scary potatoes.

**1 second later**

So why am I nodding?

**9.15pm**

**Sat on my wall**

Slush boy is walking away down the street. He wanted to wait until I'd gone inside but there is no chance in hell I am letting any member of the Swiss Family Mad see him.

Based on tonight he will probably try and snog Mutti. Ew.

We snogged in the park for quite a while. It was ok, not the best snog of my life. But then again I was concentrating on keeping upright – Eric is rather forceful and kept nearly pushing me over!

I could see us going further up the snogging scale so I told him I had to get home or Mutti would flip.

Which she would. If she even knew I was out in the first place.

**5 minutes later**

"PANTS!"

Oh my giddy god what in Slim's gigantibus chins was that?!

**3 seconds later**

Sat on my botty. On the cold ground.

Yes I just fell off the wall.

**30 seconds later**

Ahhhh Dave is leaning over the wall with a grin on his face! How does he always manage to see me when I'm on the wall?

Or off it in this case.

**10 seconds later**

Dave held out his hand. "You want a bit of help there?"

I grinned (remembering to suck my nose in of course) and took his hand.

Oh my god it's so nice I think I've just gone jelloid and all Dave's done is pulled me up off the ground!

I must control myself. Think inner yoga. Ommmm.

Ommm... mmmm he is so groovy looking it is untrue.

**2 seconds later**

I managed to get my brain to link to my mouth (which is actually a bad idea but whatever...) I said, "So you like these walks?"

He nodded still smiling.

"You got some more stuff to think about?" I asked in a nosy-but-it-doesn't-seem-it kind-of way.

Dave grinned (jelloid!) and said, "Actually, I think I've sorted that now. I've got new PANTS to try."

Uh? Why is he smiling so widely? Freaky bananas.

"Dave what have you done?" I asked.

Dave shrugged and jumped up to sit on the wall with me.

"I just made a few... adjustments to my PANTS of life."

"Dave shut up about PANTS what have you done?"

He said, "No can do you see, it's a disorder I got with the crash. PANTS is one with me. I am one with me and my PANTS."

I biffed him. "Liar."

Dave is still grinning. Grrr.

Maybe if do a bit of ignorez-vousing then he will tell me.

**3 minutes later**

Ignorez-vousing plan is undergo.

But I don't think its working. Dave is just humming to himself.

Hmm I think it's "the hills are alive with the sound of PANTS."

Nevertheless, I shall keep up my acty whatsit and show the amazing patience-ness.

**2 seconds later**

"Oh just tell me you fool!" I said and biffed him. But maybe a bit too hard as he fell off the wall.

Ahh well I've done it before its only his turn.

**3 seconds later**

Leaning over the wall to look at Dave. It seems the tables have turned! He who has the last laugh will be a she as it will be me so I will have the last laugh and... yeah you get it.

**1 second later**

"You need a hand Mr Laughy Man?" I said without thinking.

Dave looked confused but then just shrugged and nodded, "I guess."

I leant out my hand. Dave grabbed and I began to pull him up.

"So," he said, "I broke up with Emma."

**1 second later**

"OW!"

Oops. I think I just dropped Dave back down on the ground.

Correction – I defiantly dropped Dave back down on the ground.

"Erm, sorry, I erm, slipped?"

Oh thank Sandra Dave is laughing.

"I'll forgive you," he said as I helped him up again, "if you go on date with me."

**1 second later**

"OW!"

Err yeah, I dropped him again.

**10.30pm**

**In my bed of heaven**

Oh my giddy god I have a date with Dave the Laugh and his new PANTS of life!!

Although I don't actually know when the date is...

You see Vati made a surprise appearance at the door shouting, "Georgia get your bloody arse inside this house this instance!"

How caring. Not.

So after that I said toodaloo to Dave (not those words exactly as he would think I am a complete idiot which he should find out on his own) I scampered inside and was in such a good mood I didn't even make a comment about the Portley One's portly tire he calls a stomach.

**2 minutes later**

I never thought I would say this but I can't wait for Rom & Jule Rehearsals tomorrow!

I am so excited I don't think I will ever sleep again.

**3 seconds later**

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

**Thursday November 10****th**

**2.45pm**

**Blodge**

This day is going so slowly when will it end?! I swear I've been sitting in blodge for zonks. Which I probably have.

I got up vair vair early this morning to give me time to prepare my Sex Kittyness. Not that Dave calls me that anymore. But maybe if I drop a hint he will...

Anyway my hair is full of bounceability, I am lurker and orang-utan-gene free, I used my brillopads makeup that is still in tip-top condition now and I am ready for my Laugh to come pick me up on his camel. Perfectamondo.

**30 minutes later**

Waiting for the lads to arrive. As always.

Jas has decided to really get into character and is dressed as Juliet dressed; i.e. like a prat.

I am stood with her and was about to tell her about Dave dumping Emma when she started rearranging her hair. Which is basically her fringe. She has a head full of fringe. Fringey.

"I think you got it there Jas." I said because otherwise we would be here until Vati shrinks a trouser size and I think you all know how long that would be.

"Really?" She asked whilst fringe flicking. Yes, she can do TWO things at once.

Really? To lie or not to lie? To make a quick escape or wait for a huffy fringey pal? To be helpful-type folk or be honest?

"No Jas. Of course you didn't get it. You will never get it unless you get it off."

Jas is staring at me all funny. I think she's trying to work out what I just said. God she is vair vair dim.

**20 seconds later**

Oh she's finally got it. And is now in a huff with me. Like I didn't see that coming. She really should open the box with her creativiosity. Or is it think about a box? One of them.

**5 seconds later**

Jas said, "Right, I am going to see Tom so we can do something constructive."

"Is that snogging by any chance?"

Jas gave me a wierd look. Kind of like she had a twig up her bum-e-oley and didn't know how it got there. "Georgia some people do more than snog."

"Oo-er!!"

"Oh grow up." She pointed behind me. "Please at least think about what you say to him. Just don't go with your instincts." Then she stormed off!

How rude! I am officially ignorez-vousing her. And giving her the cold shoulder. And in a huff with her. And a nervy b with her. And everything else on the losing it scale.

**0.1 seconds later**

Wait, did she say him?" Who's him? Dave? Please let it be Dave...

**0.2 seconds later**

"Hey Georgia."

Merde. It's Slush boy.

"Oh hi Eric, it's nice to see you." Not. I hope he doesn't try and snog me now. I should keep my mouth closed.

"Yeah you too," he said eyeing me funny, "I had a great time the other night. It's a shame you had to get back so early."

I nodded said, "Mmm, me tmmm, mmmm, yemmm."

**1 second later**

"Camel got your tongue?"

Oh my giddy god! Dave! He's just appeared next to Eric! And he heard me talking like an utter twit. Brillopads.

I said, "No I was humming."

Well I started to but only got to "No" because then Slush boy said, "Hey Dave, how's it going?"

Dave said, "Pretty good, you?"

Then Eric nodded and they did that naff thing lads do which is like a handshake and a hug and a smack on the back all at once. Why can't they be normal like girls? We don't hit each other. Well except Jas when she's in a huff. And Rosie when she's excited. But those two aren't really normal anyway.

Shut up brain! I need to get back to the fiasco of Dave and Slush boy. Does Dave know I went out with Eric? What if he finds out? Will he not want to date me? He must not find out and that is le fact!

**2 seconds later**

Eric said, "Yeah things are good. Especially last night right Georgia?"

WHATTTT?!

"Cinema!" I shouted, then said in a really teeny voice, "We went to the cinema."

Dave nodded and Eric laughed. Then he said. "Right I gotta go, see you around."

**5 seconds later**

As soon as Slush boy left Dave said, "So are you and Eric together?"

"No!" I said, "We just went out once. Last night actually. But just once. Not together." Am I even making sense? Wait that's a stupid question I never make sense.

Dave grinned, "Calm down Gee," aww he called me Gee. Sex Kitty would be better, but I suppose Gee is ok. "I only asked you out, I didn't say we were exclusive or anything. I think it's healthy to see more than one person."

Merde. "You do?"

He nodded, "Yeah, that's why I broke up with Emma. I don't really think I'm the kind of guy that gets serious. I just wanna have a laugh."

"Oh," I said really quietly.

"Yeah I'm going out with, erm, Grace this weekend. You have fun with Eric." Dave said then ran off!

**1 second later**

Oh gott in himmel. Dave wants to see more than one girl? Meaning me and lots of other people? And he thinks I'm sort of seeing Slush boy?

Is this taking the PANTS or what?!

**Ok I have good news for you all! (I think) Because I want to post the last chappy on xmas day I am going to have to hurry along and post the next few chapters quite close together... (like 2 or 3 days apart) so I wanted to let you all know so you can regularly expect updates and review! Because I would hate to lose reviews because people don't have chance to read :( **

**until next time... horn's out! ;)**


	12. Fish Flying

**Here's a quick update as promised!**

**Thanks to qwertyuiop098 for your AMAZING reviews (I love the long ones XD) and to everyone else who is constantly reviewing I wouldnt' be able to carry on without you! :)**

**Horn's out! ;)**

"**Fish Flying"**

_Snogging lush boy. _

_Number 6! I think this boy is trying to eat me alive! He should be called slush boy not lush boy. _

_I leant out my hand. Dave grabbed and I began to pull him up._

"_So," he said, "I broke up with Emma."..._

"_Erm, sorry, I erm, slipped?"_

_Oh thank Sandra Dave is laughing. _

"_I'll forgive you," he said as I helped him up again, "if you go on date with me."_

_Does Dave know I went out with Eric?_

_Eric said, "Yeah things are good. Especially last night right Georgia?" _

_Dave said, "I only asked you out, I didn't say we were exclusive or anything. I think it's healthy to see more than one person."_

_Is this taking the PANTS or what?!_

**Monday November 14****th**

**12.00pm**

**German**

I don't feel so good. I am vair vair tuckered. And I think my lips are about to fall off.

I went out with Slush boy last night. Again.

God knows why, I don't even like him. Well I do like him but I don't like him like him. Still, I had to go. Because otherwise Dave would be the only one dating someone else. So I have to date someone else too, even if Slush boy does like to stick his tongue down my throat a lot. And not in a good way.

**1 second later**

But then again I'm not actually dating Dave am I? Sure he asked me out but we've not got round to the "going out" part yet.

Maybe he had such a fab time with _Grace_ that he's just forgotten about me. Merde.

**2 minutes later**

I saw him yesterday. While I was with Eric. And while he was with Grace. As you can imagine that was tip top on the hilariosity scale. Not.

We were having coffee at Luigi's. And quelle surprise Dave walked in with some stupid looking twit who I guessed was Grace.

And when Dave said, "What do you want to drink Grace?" that pretty much confirmed it.

She was tiny. And I mean tiny. Like almost as small as the titches. In fact she's probably one of the girls Mark Big Gob used to corner.

**1 minute later**

Dave didn't see me for quite a bit. But that's probably because I put all the menus up on the table in front of me and Slush boy.

Eric said, "You ok?"

I nodded (while having my head like flat against the desk). I must have looked like a tree hugger. But hugging a desk. So in fact a desk hugger. Jas would be proud.

"I err, want some privacy." I said which is sort of true I guess. I did want privacy from Dave and Grace, just not so much with Eric...

But obviously Slush boy got the wrong idea.

So he started snogging me.

Right there. In the middle of the cafe. And not just a number 3 or 4. Apparently they don't exist to Eric. He's just all about the 6s. Ew.

**2 seconds later**

And of course while I was having my face snogged off was the perfect time for God to bite me in the botty and have Dave notice us. Perfectamondo timing. Not.

**30 seconds later**

So I pretty much skedaddled away after that as quick as a quick thing with Eric behind me. He was a bit confused at first because I was sort of attached to his lips when I sprinted away but he got over it quick and began snogging me outside again!

It's like all we do is snog. And we've only been out twice! Three times if you count RoRo's party. Which I don't. So two it is.

Normally I wouldn't mind. And by normally I mean if it was Dave. Which is isn't.

**10 minutes later**

My Lord Sandra I'd almost forgotten I was in the land of the Deutsch loon. I.e. Herr Kamyer's classroom.

You can imagine my excitement now I am back to reality to be faced with 30 minutes of German left. It's like brillopads at Christmas.

**2 seconds later**

"So Mizz Georgia," Herr Kamyer said, "You agree do youssss?"

Oh merde what was the question? No worries, the answer to everything is to smile and nod.

**1 second later**

Smiling and nodding.

I said "Oh yaaa."

**3 seconds later**

Why is everyone laughing like loons on loon tablets?

I turned to face Jools and asked, "What's the matter with you all?"

She giggled and said, "You just agreed to go fish flying with Herr Kamyer."

"What in Slim's over sized chins is fish flying?!"

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Does it matter? Herr Kamyer likes it!"

Good point. Well made.

**4.00pm**

**Walking home from rehearsals**

Miss Wilson had a flash of a whatsit and let us out early. It's just as well, everyone was about to give Jas a good duffing up. She was driving everyone to the brink of craziness (and for most people past it) with all her stage directions since she believes she is actually Juliet and Billy Shakespeare combined. It's vair vair sad. But I can't spend my time on hopeless cases.

I have bigger fish to fry. Or fly apparently, as Herr Kamyer likes to do.

**3 minutes later**

Dave is walking next to me. How did that happen?

Oh yeah I remember, I pushed Mabs out the way so there was a space. She didn't mind though, she just shuffled off with Edward.

"Did you have fun yesterday?" Dave asked with a grin on his face.

I decided to play innocent bystander, "Yesterday?"

"Yeah you know, at Luigi's with Eric. You seemed pretty stuck on each other if you asked me."

Oh gott in himmel.

Everyone has just stopped and is staring at me agog as agog things can be. Rosie and Jas are smiling smugly. Do they actually think I like Slush boy? I must remind myself to tell them how very wrong they are.

**10 seconds later**

Managed to attract all eyes off moi.

I said to Dave, "It was alright."

Well I started to, but I only got to "It" because then Dave said, "So you fancy doing something tomorrow night?"

Oh thank the fish flying Jesus'! Dave has finally asked me out like properly!!

I wonder what my extremely glaciosity reply should be. Yes yes and thrice yes springs to mind!

But I should probably stick with the classic yupp.

"Yupp." I said.

Dave nodded, "Cool. How about I pick you about 6ish?"

"Surrrre," I managed to say "I'll be on the wall. My wall that is, not any wall." There goes my rambling brain again. Shut up!

**1 second later**

Oh my giddy god I'm going out with Dave!!

I must prepare myself, this could take a while.

**25 hours later**

**A.k.a. Tuesday November 15****th**

**5.30pm**

Ok I think I'm just about ready. Just.

I am orang-utan-gene free after a LOT of shaving yesterday. I used Vati's razor though so now my legs are smoothy smooth! I'm sure he won't mind. As long as he doesn't find out.

But hey ho life goes on I'm sure he can live with a few measly cuts on his face...

**2 minutes later**

I am hugemungusly proud of myself. Do you want to know why? I will tell you why. I am already in my outfit! Normally it takes me zonks to decide!

Well actually it did take me zonks to decide. But I decided last night.

And then changed my mind this morning... and this afternoon... but the nub and gist of things is that I am in my outfit now ready for my date-fandango with Dave!

I'm wearing this long, black dress-toppy thing over black leggings and groovy *cough* Mutti's *cough* boots.

I look tres magnifique if I say so myself and I do.

**5.50pm**

On the wall. Waiting for Dave.

Where is he? Why isn't he here?! He should be here. I hope he isn't having second thoughts about me.

**5 minutes later**

Thank the heavens I can see Dave coming up the street. Should I go inside so as not to act too keen? I must keep my pridiosity afterall.

But then again I did say I'd be on the wall.

**2 seconds later**

To go in or stay out?

**1 second later**

To stay out or-

"Georgia."

Oh bleating hell Dave is in front of me! And I look like a confused twit. Which incidentally I am.

Ahh he's got his mouth open in shock at my amazingness!! This is fabbity fab fab!

**1 second later**

Oh Sandra's PANTS!

I've just seen what Dave's wearing. I'll tell what he's wearing - JEANS and a HOODY!!

Bloody jeans and a bloody hoody! And I look like I'm dining with the queen! Oh man alive I'm the biggest prat in the history of prats! I have to go change!

"Errr," I said in that wise way that suits me best, "I'll be right back." I said jumping off the wall.

Dave grabbed hold of my hand and said, "No you're not you're coming with me."

Oh giddy god Dave's holding my hand!

**3 minutes later**

I think I've got brain freeze. Or permanent jelloid-ness. Dave's still holding my hand. Tis so sweet.

I hope my hand doesn't get sweaty though, even if it is like minus 100 degrees out here. That would just be grim.

"Where are we going?" I asked Dave when my mouth finally decided to work.

Dave grinned and squeezed my hand, (eek!) "To Luigi's, you seem to like it there."

Wait a cotton-picking second! What does he mean by that? Does he think I am a cheeky red-bottomed mi nx who likes to constantly snog in cafes?

Oh dear Sandra I sound like Jas.

**15 minutes later**

**Luigi's**

So we sat down and I planned to order a very sophis drink to avoid a case of the scary moustache. (Nobody wants to look like Miss Stamp that is le fact.)

Only when the waiter came over Dave ordered us both a hot chocolate with everything. And when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING.

This beast has squirty cream and chocolate sprinkles and cinnamon sticks and umbrellas (though you can't eat them). I don't know where to start! It's like a hot chocolate parade!

**1 minute later**

Dave saw me staring at my hot choccy and said, "You know it's a drink right?"

I thought of a really amazingly witty comment to say back to him but then he grinned and my brain went flop. So I ended up smiling madly at him – full nostril flaring and everything.

**30 seconds later**

Tucking into my fandango of a hot choccy.

Screw the hamster-sipping palaver. Dave has his all over his face so why shouldn't I? And it is vair vair nice.

**A while later**

**In the Tart's Wardrobe**

Oh Christ on Bike I look like a hot choccy machine threw up on my face!

At least I packed as much makeup into mine (Mutti's) bag so I can make myself tres magnifique again.

Thank God my dress isn't ruined. That would be merde.

**5 minutes later**

All spruced up and ready to shine.

So why do I feel like a twit of highest waters looking in this mirror?

I think its possibly because I got really dressed up expecting a posh night out with Dave that I've waited for for ages and ages and ages, longer than Vati's waited for some of his hair to grow back, and instead Dave turned up in chav clothes and took me to a cafe to drink hot chocolate.

But that is just a hunch.

Great, and now I feel miz.

**2 minutes later**

Just left the loos.

Dave had already paid by the looks of things and had my coat in his hand.

"You ready to go?" He said.

I frowned. I don't think I want to go anywhere right now unless it's with Dave.

He handed me my coat and I put it on.

I was about to make some excuse up about not leaving yet when I went a tad jelloid as Dave held out his hand for me.

**1 minute later**

Walking through town with Dave. Holding his hand I might add.

I wish we weren't where there are loads of starey eyed people thought. Because one I want the snogging to begin and two I look like a complete twit in all this formal palaver next to Dave.

**10 minutes later**

Nearly home.

Why hasn't taken the snoggers detour through the park? Or round the back of the fields? Or some place we can snog the life out each other?

Unless he's planning on doing that in front of my house which I can tell you right now my Vati will not appreciate.

Merde merde merde.

**2 minutes later**

Outside chez moi. How did we get here so fast? I don't want to go now I've hardly left! I need more time with Dave and that is le fact.

Dave let go off my hand. Quit letting go of my hand!!

"So this was fun," he said.

"Yeah, yeah it was. A barrel of funosity."

Dave grinned and took a step closer to me.

Oh my giddy god he's going to snog me! My first official snog with Dave the Laugh since however long ago it was since he had that accident that I don't want to think about cos it makes me miz but I really need to think about what is happening right now as I am about to kiss Daveeeeee!

**0.5 seconds later**

Oh in all thing's holy I've just had a flash of the whatsit! What if when Dave kisses me he will remember everything? It'll be like one of those really naff fairytale things only it won't be naff it will be double awesomeness with triple knobs on because he will remember how much we liked each other and we will be happy and lardy-dahh for ever and ever!

**9.00pm**

**On the rack of love**

Bloody stupid silly fairytale!!

Dave didn't snog me! Not even a little bit, not even a number 3!!!!

After stepping vair vair close he then stepped back and took hold of my hand again and gave it a teeny peck before saying, "Goodnight Georgia. I had a really good time. S'laters."

Then he buggered off the fool!

**2 minutes later**

Actually it was really romantic. Like not in the fairytales but in those really old black and white films with all the posh gentlemen in.

Dave would look vair vair groovy in a suit and top hat. Mmmmm...

**3 minutes later**

Still, I can't believe he hasn't snogged me yet. I mean we have spent a lot of time together. It didn't take him this long before.

Merde.

**1 second later**

Unless we got to number 4 ½? But does a goodnight-hand-peck really class as 4 ½ (handsnogging) when he hasn't even kissed me on my mouth yet?

Screw that I'll say it does.

**Thursday November 17****th**

**3.30pm**

**Rehearsals**

I've decided to tell Eric I can't go out with him anymore.

I've pretty much been dreaming about a certain Laughy man since Tuesday night so I can't really see someone else as well can I?

**1 minute later**

What in the name of Grandvati's cycling shorts is happening to me?! Am I growing out my red bottom?

Am I turning into Jas?

**2 seconds later**

Whoa what am I scaring myself like that for?

I will never turn into a Vole-lover like Jassy Spassy and that is le fact.

**5 minutes later**

I think I may have to kill Ellen. That's if Rosie doesn't do it first.

She has been a complete ditherspaz (like more than normal if that's possible) for the last two days because Dec is playing the part of Mercutio (the role that I so kindly gave up because I am full of generosity).

Anyway Ellen keeps fawning over him like he's some sort of acting God. Which he isn't. Although he is quite good.

Me and Dave are still "helpers" backstage. And by that I mean we mess around for an hour or so. Dave kept grinning at me and making jokes yesterday it was so groovy. It's like he hasn't changed at all.

Well apart from the lack of memory for the last two years...

**10 minutes later**

I'm gonna do it. Break up with Eric that is. Well not really break up because we aren't technically going out but I'll tell him that I'm not gonna see him anymore.

He's in front of me now.

**2 seconds later**

I was just about to tell him when he tried to snog my mouth off again! Erlack!

**3 seconds later**I

I removed Slush boy from my face and said, "I don't think we should go out together anymore."

He frowned and said, "Why not?"

Merde. I had hoped he wasn't going to ask that. Well hey ho I guess I can tell a lie...

**5 seconds later**

"Well it's because I think I like someone else kind of a lot and it's not really fair for me to lead you on is it?"

Oh Christ on Bike did I just tell the truth?! Where did that come from? Where are all my new fandangos coming from?!

Am I turning into Lord Sandra himself?!

**1 second later**

Does this mean I get free wishes off BG?

**5 minutes later**

Eric's finally retreated away, far away from me.

Yippee no more nightmare snogs! I think it may take zonks for my lips to recover.

I had better start treatment on them for Dave.

See there I go again! Me and my generosity.

I am like the new Saint Sandra.

Oh yeah, that suits me.

**Yeah so no need to worry about Slush boy he was pretty much there just to get the ball rolling with Dave XD**

**Keep the comments coming pleaseeee**

**love you all,**

**horn's out! ;)**


	13. Hugemungous Rambling Lecture

**Hey guys thanks to everyone who constantly review these chapters! I love you all very much. **

**And I really appreciate it through the chapters when everyone is dying for the snogging to begin! Trust me, it takes a LOT of self restraint not to just write that Gee jumps on Dave!**

**Please bear with me I do have each chapter planned and I know when everything is going to happen....**

"**Hugemungous Rambling Lecture"**

_Bloody jeans and a bloody hoody! And I look like I'm dining with the queen!_

_Dave didn't snog me! Not even a little bit, not even a number 3!!!!_

_After stepping vair vair close he then stepped back and took hold of my hand again and gave it a teeny peck before saying, "Goodnight Georgia. I had a really good time. S'laters."_

_I've decided to tell Eric I can't go out with him anymore._

_I said to him "Well it's because I think I like someone else kind of a lot and it's not really fair for me to lead you on is it?"_

**Saturday November 19****th**

**10.00am**

**In bed**

Up at the crack of dawn. Libby and her fwends have decided to join me in my room but I let them being the Saint I am.

I've even let Libby use my makeup on Gordy. Now that is pretty Saint-ish behaviour. Obviously it's not my proper makeup... just the crappy stuff you get from flee-bitten relatives who still think you're five years old. Which would make me Libby.

Scary bananas.

**10 minutes later**

Back in bed with a nutritious breakfast of cheesy puffs.

Libby is clearly taking Gordy's makeup seriously because when I offered her one she slapped my hand and said, "No bad Gingey! Gordey needs prettinglynesss!"

I didn't offer her another one.

**30 seconds later**

I haven't heard from Dave since... what day was it that we went out? Tuesday? Yes it was Tuesday. I haven't heard from Dave since Tuesday. Whyyyy?

Does it really take that long to get over my amazingness and ask me out again?

I didn't see him on Wednesday. Well I did but I only saw him talking to that stupid Grace I didn't actually see him see him. And then on Thursday and Friday there wasn't any rehearsals because we have a lot of "important" practices coming up and needed a break. Pfft.

**4 minutes later**

Dave said the classic "s'laters" to me on Tuesday as well. That can only mean bad news.

But it can also be good. If he actually does mean "see you later" in an "I will see you later" kind of way and not just a "see you later" as something to say at the end of a date.

I hope it's the first one.

I'm sure it's the first one. Got to be.

**15 minutes later**

**Sat on my wall**

Dun de dunn de de de de dun dun dunnn de de dunnn dun de dun de dunn dunnn dunnn.

This is me keeping busy.

Dunnnnn deeeeeeeeee dunnnnnnnn deeeeeeeeee.

I am vair tuneful if I say so myself.

**30 seconds later**

No one has walked past yet. How has no one walked past?!

Why has no one (and by that I mean Dave) walked past yet?!

Poo and also merde.

**2 minutes later**

Oh my giddy god I can see someone walking up the street! Tis like fate from the heavens (me being a Saint an' all).

**5 seconds later**

Tis a lad, definitely a lad.

**3 seconds later**

Tall, dark hair. Sounds about right so far!

**5 seconds later**

Ahhh crap.

It's not Dave.

**1 second later**

"Hey Georgia."

Oh hi wombat boy. "Oh hi Robbie." I said.

He smiled at me, "It's not like you to be out here in the morning."

I shrugged, "Oh you know, I'm... enjoying the wonderful outdoors."

He laughed. I know I am hilarious.

"So where are you off to?" I asked him.

"The park," Robbie said. "Playing footy with the lads."

Lads?! Does Dave class as lads? I wonder...

"And the lad's are..."

"Oh you know, Tom, Dom, Rollo, Da-"

Robbie stopped and is now grinning at me. Brillopads. Not.

**1 second later**

"So how's things going with you and Dave?" He asked.

Oh buggeration.

"Well you know... we've said hi... and said hey... and..."

"He asked you out yet?" Robbie said. Talk about jumping to the whatsit!

"Well ermm..." I began superbly wisely if I do say so myself.

**5 minutes later**

I've just told Robbie everything. And I mean everything. Well everything concerning Dave and me since the accident not everything everything in the world that would just be vair stupid.

It actually felt kind of good to tell a lad and get a lads perspective. Because that is what Robbie is; a lad. Not a handbag weiling girly like Masimo. Booo.

**2 seconds later**

"So he's not called you since Tuesday night?" Robbie asked and I nodded like a nodding dog.

"But that's probably because he doesn't have my number."

Robbie grinned, "Right, that would hold him back a bit."

**3 seconds later**

Oh my Lord Sandra I've had a flash of the whatsit!!

"Hey you're going to see Dave now right? Could you maybe casually... you know... give it him?"

Robbie said, "Yeah I guess I can. You know, casually." And he winked.

I smiled, "Perfectamondo! Thanks Robbie!"

He gave me a quick hug then I made him scoot off to play footy and, ahem, make Dave call me. Brillopads!!

**5 minutes later**

Back inside.

Why does it suddenly suck here more than usual?

Ahh it's because Dave is not here. Hmmm...

**30 minutes later**

**In a bush**

**In the park**

Yeah ok so this may be classed as me stalking Dave, but I prefer to think of it as being interestingly observant.

Plus he does look fineeeee playing footy! He looks vair vair groovier than all the other lads there, even the Sex God! Or rather Ex-Sex God who is now a matey mate.

I think I could stay here all day. Swooooon.

**10 minutes later**

Blimey O'riley its vair nippy noodles out here.

I may have to leave soon my fingers and toesies are about to drop off and that is le fact.

I wonder whether he's given Dave my number yet?

Wait, what if he calls me and I don't answer it because I'm not there I'm here!

**1 second later**

But how can he call me from here? He probably has a mobile unlike moi due to my unfair and badger-wearing Vati.

I should head back homeyyy so that I can answer the phone when Dave calls me. Otherwise he may call and I won't answer because I will not be there in which case Libby will answer it, or worse Mutti or Vati! Oh mon dieu!

**5 minutes later**

Pant pant puff puff...

**2 minutes later**

Wow that has got to be me home in record timing.

Although now I think I'm about to collapse. I hope Dave doesn't ring now, I don't think I'd be able to talk properly.

Not that I talk properly anyway, my brain just rambles on like a rambling rambler like... like I'm doing now.

Ahh well hey ho live and let live I say.

**1.20pm**

Time for lunch after a stressful morning talking chatting stalking and running me thinks.

If only there was actually something edible in the house. Ha. Fat chance.

I think it would be a vair good idea for Mutti and Vati to invest in a cook. I may suggest it to them. Then at least I would not die of starvation.

Not that the Olds really care. They probably wouldn't even notice seeing as they're too busy trying to recapture their youth which will be about as successful as Ellen giving a speech in assembly. I.e. not successful at all.

Speaking of the Swiss Family Mad, where are they? I've not seen them since I came back from pant land, or the park as some people call it.

**10 minutes later**

Spoke too soon. They've returned. Brillopads.

"Georgie come down here for a moment can you," Mutti shouted up at me. No "how you doing?" No "I've got you a present." No "We're moving out so you can finally rid of us."

**1 minute later**

I forced myself to go downstairs seeing as I am a Saint an' all.

"Yes mother?" I said so politely and sweetly.

She raised her eyebrows, "What do you want?"

What do I want? What do I want? What sort of answer is that?! Pfft how rude.

I smiled, "Nothing mother, as I recall, it was in fact you who called me down here was it not?"

Mutti shrugged and walked into the kitchen while saying, "I was wondering if you could look after Libby this Monday after school, I'm going to see Uncle Eddie perform-"

"Stop right there Mutti, I do NOT need to hear anymore."

Mutti smiled, "So that's a yes, fantastic! Thanks Georgie."

What? No! I didn't say that! Did I?

"Err Mutti don't you think I might have plans of my own?"

"Sorry what was that?" Mutti said walking out.

It's a wonder I turned out to be such a caring soul considering Vati and Mutti's appalling behaviour. What a bad example. Diiiiisgraceful indeedio.

**4.00pm**

So it appears I'm now babysitting Monday night. I wouldn't really call it babysitting though. Maybe devil-sitting. Libby is a gigantibus handful and that is le fact.

**2 minutes later**

Doorbell's ringing.

Why is the doorbell ringing?

Oh my giddy god's pyjamas I bet it's Dave!!

**5 seconds later**

Puff puff pant pant to the door!

...Opening door...

"Hel-... huh?" It's not Dave it's just bloody Jassy Spassy and Rosie. Merde.

Ouchy they look mad. Vair vair mad. I wonder what Owl's bitten their tongues...

"Err can I help you two starey agoggers?" I said.

Rosie folded her eyes. Jas folded her eyes. Rosie frowned. Jas frowned. What is this simon-says?!

"Hello?!" I shouted, "Do you guys talk or just look like that permanently?"

**2 seconds later**

Ow bloody ow!!

Jas and Rosie just pulled me outside vair vair roughly! They have clearly not heard of the gentle touch. Or they just ignore it.

And its nippy noodles out here and I only have one layer on! Brrrr!

**5 seconds later**

The grumpy twins still haven't spoken.

"What do you want?!" I shouted.

They looked at each other then turned back to me to glare some more. Great, so what else is new?

Rosie said, "Why didn't you tell us?" I'm sorry? What?

Jas said, "Why didn't you tell us about Dave Georgia?"

Oh crap. Busted.

I frowned back at them. "What do you mean?"

"Well first of all you didn't tell us that Dave had broken up with Emma," Jas said.

"And then you didn't tell us that YOU went out with Dave!" Rosie finished.

What nosy buggers they are! Tis not their business!

**5 million hours later**

Finally managed to cool Jas and Rosie down explaining that it's not really a big deal about Dave and Emma and I am handling the new turn of events in a tres sophis way. A lot better than Jas and Rosie are doing now.

I think they need to show a bit of maturiosity like moi.

**1 second later**

Jas said, "Well I hope you've told Dave."

"Err," I said, "Tell him what?"

Rosie biffed my head (Ow!) and said, "About everything."

"Oh thanks, that clears it up."

She biffed me again. Jas is now looking at me as though my head as fallen off, (which it hasn't by the way).

Jas screeched at me, "You HAVEN'T told Dave about you two before his crash?!!!"

"What?!" I said a wee bit too loud, "You told me that I had to stop trying to make Dave remember me!"

Rosie shook her head like a shaking thing, "No that was before."

Oh my Lord Sandra I'm so confused.

"Before what?"

Jas did one of those really huge naff sighs and turned to Rosie before looking at me again. "Listen," She began. Oh Christ on Bike that's the sign of a hugemungous rambling lecture coming my way. Prepare to be bored beyond the valley of the clinically depressed.

**0.5 seconds later**

Whoa Jas's mouth is gigantibus and that is le fact!

**15 seconds later**

Rosie and Jas moved us so we could sit down on the wall.

Jas said, "Listen, we only didn't want Dave to remember you before because it would have been too hard on you Gee." Then she rubbed my shoulder. Get off lezzie! "Dave was with Emma, and it would have been bad for everyone if he had found out the wrong way-"

Rosie chipped in, "Exactly but now he can find out the right way because Emma's gone so you can tell Dave everything and just say that it was Emma that was lying to him. Which is true-eth anyhow."

My head hurts.

"So let me get this right," I said, "You want me to tell Dave everything that has happened between us... EVER?"

Rosie raised her eyebrows. Here we go again.

"Well maybe not everything," she said, "like the red herring fandango isn't a necessity. But like the important stuff."

Oh well said Viking One. Not.

**2 minutes later**

I said quietly, "I can't tell him."

They both frowned at me again. "You can." They said.

"No. I can't and I won't."

"You will!"

"I won't!"

"Will!"

"Won't!"

Jas stared at me incredulously, "He'll find out eventually Georgia. Then what will you do?"

I shook my head, "No. No. NO!"

**7.00pm **

**Hiding in my room**

I finally got rid of the annoying twits. I can't believe they want me to tell Dave like everything! Are they barking maddddd?!

I should get Angus to give them a good biffing, he sorts the Prat Poodles out good and proper.

I can't tell Dave everything that is the actions of a vair vair stupid girl. That I am not.

I don't want him to know that I was a red bottomed minx under the influences of the horn. That would be tres bad.

**30 seconds later**

He doesn't need to know. We are getting along just fine. Been on one date. And he has my number now. We definitely don't need my red bottom ruining things.

I am right right and three times right. Jas and Rosie are wrong. So wrong. Wrong wrong and thrice wrong.

**1 second later**

Definitely not telling Dave.

That is final.

Final as a final thing can be on a final day in final universe.

**10 minutes later**

Oh my giddy god the phone is ringing!

Pant. Pant. Must. Answer. Before. Family. Of. Loons.

**10 seconds later**

Praise Sandra I made it!

Now to answer... is this the time for a "hey" or "hi" or "howdy" or maybe just the classic "hello"?

**seconds later**

Hmmm I think I'll go with "Hi."

"Hi."

"Hey is that Georgia?"

OH MY GIDDY GOD'S PANTS! It's Dave!! Yessssusss! Yippeee yupppppss!

**0.01 seconds later**

"Err yes, hi Dave." Merde. I should have asked who it was to show my glaciosity side.

Ahhh well live and let live.

"Robbie gave me the right number then." He laughed. Awwwww.

I nodded. Then remembered he can't see me so added, "Looks like it."

"So are you busy on Monday?"

Yes yes for youuuu I am!

Oh crapola I've got Libby to look after! Merde Merde and thrice merde!!

"Sorry I am being sentenced to house arrest to guard an insane child that I am forced to call my little sister."

Dave laughed again. "No worries Gee, I'll see you Tuesday at rehearsals then."

"Err, yeah, yeah you will."

"S'laters Georgia."

"Bye Dave."

**1 minute later**

Oh BG I'm in phone heaven!

Talking with Dave is a million times better than listening to Vole woman and the Viking One rant on and that is le fact.

I could listen to Dave for hours and hours and hours.

**1 minute later**

Is it too soon to ring him?

**Again, sorry for not writing what I know you want to read! But it's building up to it... I want it to be as realistic as possible :)**

**Please keep reviewing :) & I shall post the next chappy on monday! **

**Horn's out!! ;)**


	14. Jelloidnessagogo

**You guys have good questions but I can't answer them cos it'll ruin the plot if thats any help... which it isn't... but hey ho... **

**I know the last chappy wasn't very good & it didn't get many reviews compared to my others :(**

So thanks a lot to Rosiee Posiee, LaughKittyKatForEver, qwertyuiop098, Trampy Mouse & xHoHuMpIgSbUmx who took the time to review! This chappy is dedicated to you 5! and it's a bit fluffy if that's a clue ;)

**Hope you enjoy! Horn's out! ;)**

"**Jelloidness-a-go-go"**

_It's Jas and Rosie..._

"_So let me get this right," I said, "You want me to tell Dave everything that has happened between us... EVER?"_

_I don't want him to know that I was a red bottomed minx under the influences of the horn._

_**1 second later**_

_Definitely not telling Dave. _

_That is final. _

_Final as a final thing can be on a final day in final universe. _

**Tuesday November 22****nd**

**11a.m**

**Blodge**

**Dissecting... stuff**

Now what is the point of blodge? It is clearly not going to help me with my future. My ambitions do not involve dissecting bits of frog and that is le fact.

Jas is refusing to do anything. She has taken her wise woman of the forestness to new levels. Well actually she has taken it to new corners. As in the corner of the classroom. Apparently from there she "cannot witness the monstrosity of the class's behaviour".

**1 minute later**

This is disgusting. D-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g.

Rosie seems like she's having fun. But its kinda hard to tell with the evil glares she keeps throwing me. Her and Jas still haven't forgiven me.

But they are wrong not me.

It's just common sense not to tell Dave our history. Although apparently to Jas and Rosie I'm now the "evil liar" which is worse than having the horn. According to them. But what do they know? They've never had successful relationships.

**2 seconds later**

Oh no wait that's not true. They are actually the ONLY ones who've ever had a successful relationship.

Merde.

**30 seconds later**

Still, they don't understand Dave like I do.

**Lunch**

Still being ignored by the Voley and Viking Ones.

They have formed their own naff group and have even moved to a different knicker toaster. This is serious.

Mabs got out a bag of cheesy puffs and said, "What's up with them?"

I shrugged, "Oh you know this and that."

Jools folded her arms, "Like what?"

"Err like... like issues with their Oldies and worried about dissected creatures and Viking troubles and hating me, can I have a crisp?"

**1 second later**

Jools, Mabs and Ellen are staring at me like agog things.

Ellen said, "What do you err... I mean erm,why would they... err, are you sure?"

Oh pantyhose I do not have the patience for Ellen's stuttering stuttyness right now.

"Basically they want me to tell Dave EVERYTHING, like EVERTHING, but I don't want to so apparently I'm now out of the Viking Queen's favour and all the voles want to eat me."

That pretty much sums it up. I said it loudly so Jas and Rosie could hear. They just glared some more then went back to being all aloney on their stupid knicker toaster.

Mabs is frowning. Ahh crap I hope she's not on their side.

"But you're not going to say anything to Dave?"

I shook my head.

**4.00pm **

**Rehearsals**

Miss Wilson made us go through the whole play fandango today. Which is another way of saying I have done nothing but sat backstage and messed around.

I would much rather be elsewhere. Well actually I wouldn't because Dave is here and I'd rather be with Dave. He made me (and by that I mean asked once and I agreed instantly) dress him up in as many clothes as possible. Like Joey does on Friends. He can't move his arms or legs or neck or any part of his body right now. He has to roll around to get places. It's so funny Ellen has been knocked off her feet at least three times. That girl does not learn.

**5 minutes later**

Oh what larks, Jas has just fallen off the stage after trying to make a dramatic exit. Tip top hilariosity. She stalked past me and Dave in a vair big huff. It was tres amusant. Her face was all tomato looking like Vati when he eats too many chips. Haha!

**15 minutes later**

**Walking home**

Just. It took this long just to get Dave out all his clothes. Oo-er!

Jas and Tom have gone looking at some nature crisis. So joys unbounded for them.

Rosie and Sven are... doing what they normally do – snogging each other's faces off. There is no way they are only at number 8 on the snogging scale. But I can't really ask Rosie now she will bite my head off. Literally.

**5 minutes later**

Just me and Dave walking now. He casually linked his arm in mine and my heart went all jelloid. I managed to stay upright though. Just about.

"So," he said after a bit, "I heard some interesting news the other day."

"Oh yeah?" I said moving a tad closer to him in a sneaky way. "What's that?"

He grinned and looked straight ahead as we walked. "Oh I just overheard a certain person telling another person that they couldn't see them anymore because they realised they liked someone else. A lot."

Oh hell's bells!! Dave heard me telling Slush Boy it's over!! Ahhhhh!!

"So are you going to tell me who this person is?"

"Nungg what?"

Dave laughed, "Who's the person that you like a lot?"

Oh no. What do I say? Should I say its him? Won't he be scared off?! He hasn't even kissed me yet! He musn't like me. Oh no oh no oh no oh no!

**5 seconds of silence later**

"Is that a no?" He asked.

Stay silent. Don't talk. Do. Not. Say. A. Word.

"Well that's a shame," Dave said, "Cos I've just told Grace the same thing."

I stared at him. He's still looking forward.

"You... you said to Grace that, err, that you like someone else? Err, a lot?"

Dave nodded, "I did." Then he sighed dramatically. What's with the sighing?

**1 second later**

Oh right. That was the signal for me to admit that it was him I was talking about to Eric.

We've stopped walking now cos we've reached my house.

He turned to face me head on. Ok here goes... "Ok maybe I can tell you."

He smiled widely. Oh mon dieu jelloidness-a-go-go!

"Great," he said, "go on."

He is a meany boy. But a groovy looking one too.

"It's... err," cough "you," cough.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that can you repeat it please Gee."

I biffed him. "No you heard fine Mr Laughy man!"

Dave laughed and reached forward to give me a playful punch back.

I biffed his head.

He ticked my stomach.

Haha tickly bears with Dave! Haha! So much better than with Cousin James.

Ew get out my head incest boy!!

**5 seconds later**

Dave grabbed me as I spluttered with laugher and pulled me close to him.

Oh my giddy god's pyjama's I've just realised how close we actually are! His nose his like touching mine! Almost.

We've stopped laughing now. It's gone a wee bit un-laughish. But in a good way.

"I like you too Georgia."

Oh my god.

He leaned in really slowly and then... and then...

**0.5 seconds later**

...kissed on the cheek!

Bloody hell.

What is bloody wrong with my lips?!

**4.45pm**

In the bathroom looking at my lips. I can't see anything wrong with them. Fair enough they're a bit on the generous side like my nose but that's a good feature in lips. I think.

So Dave has held my hand, done linksies, had his arm round me, kissed my hand and kissed my cheek. By those accounts we should technically be married. And yet he won't snog me!!

**1 minute later**

I wonder if he's snogged Grace? Maybe it didn't go too well so he's nervous.

No that can't be right Dave is an excellent snogger with or without a car crash.

He doesn't really seem nervous... just, just... oh I don't know. It just seemed like he did actually want to snog me but then some little man went off in his brain or something so he stopped at last minute. Unless he's just waiting...

But for what? I'm right here!! He knows where I live! Come! Snog me!

**20 minutes later**

Phone rang so I legged it downstairs to answer it.

It was Dave the Laugh! Yes!

He's asked me out for Friday. Apparently it slipped his mind before. He said he was preoccupied. Which I took to mean as him thinking too much about snogging me to concentrate.

I can't wait for Friday! Our 2nd official date! Brillopads!

Only three days to go!

**Wednesday November 23****rd**

Two days to go!!

What larks at rehearsals today. Me and Dave discussed his "camel" issues.

Yes, he's remembered that he loves camels as well as PANTS. He wasn't half as scared as he was when he got to grips with his PANTS fettish again.

In fact he looked vair pleased with himself. The love for camel shines through. Ahh bless.

**Thursday November 24****th**

One day to go!!!

I would write something extremely funny and witty about today's events but one, nothing interesting actually happened and two, I would rather get to tomorrow to mine and Dave's date.

**Friday November 25****th**

No days to go!!!!

**6.00pm**

Dave told me at rehearsals to meet me in town at the clocktower at 7. So I will. And I will be ready.

And when I mean ready I don't mean my usual readiness I mean the new readiness for Dave.

I was a complete and utter twit last time dressing up all fancy so this time I'm wearing my scruffy jeans and a t-shirt with spongebob on. Me and Dave will look perfect together in our casual entourage!

I even did my makeup in a casual natural way. Just two layers of mascara, a bit of eyeliner, concealer, one layer of foundation and a hint of blusher for that natural healthy look.

My hair is luuuuurvly and bouncy for once and looks vair gut if I say so myself and I do.

I am all spruced up and ready to go!

**6.50pm**

**At the clock-tower**

I'm early. Why am I always early for my date's with Dave?

No wait that's a stupid question.

**5 minutes later**

Oh PANTS in heaven I see Dave! He's got something in his hand.

**30 seconds later**

Oh FOR BLOODY PANTS SAKE!

It's happened again!!

What is Big G trying to do to me?! I must be his only amusement in this world with my screwed up life.

**2 seconds later**

Let me fill you in.

Dave arrived – good. Only he was dressed in a SUIT! Yes, a SUIT!!

I wear what Jas does her vole watching in and he goes and dresses up like BRAD BLOODY PIT at a movie premiere!!

I think I need to blub.

**1 second later**

Dave is looking at me funny. I'm not surprised. If could see what I was wearing right now I would be looking at me funny too.

If he keeps staring at me like that I will definitely start blubbing.

**2 seconds later**

Dave's face just broke into a huge grin. Ok staring is one think but laughing at me is as cruel as Big G!

Dave held out his arm. Oh my giddy god! He's got a rose at the end of it! For me! I hope.

"Here you go beautiful," he said. Awwww.

"Please don't look at me." I said, "I'm an idiot with knobs on."

Dave smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek before taking my hand. "Nope," he said, "I think I'll stick with beautiful."

**10 minutes later**

**At a restaurant**

A posh restaurant.

A really posh restaurant.

I could not be more out of place if I was on stage in the West End during the Sound of PANTS.

Dave doesn't mind. He doesn't seem to notice the amount of people staring at me and what I'm wearing.

In fact all he's doing is staring at me. Now that I don't mind.

**12 minutes later**

Starters are here. How groovy is it to say that? Starters! Start-ers! I'm lucky if I get a piece of mouldy bread at home and now I'm eating starters! Wow.

Yummy yum yum.

**2 minutes later**

"You enjoy that?" Dave laughed.

Fair beans. I did just gallop my chicken wings down all at once. They were lurrrvly though.

I nodded, "Indeedio I did."

**15 minutes later**

**Main Course**

I ordered a pizza, seeing as this is an Italian Restaurant. I like to think I'm rubbing my Laughy success in the Italian handbag's face. Even though he isn't here. But they're all his cousins working here probably so it's the same thing.

Now would actually be a good time to here one of Dave's jokes about the Ex-Stallion. But of course he can't. Because he doesn't know him. Or at least he thinks he doesn't.

Dave has a pizza too. And he has everything on it. And I mean EVERYTHING. Mine's just a margarita. Dave's got ham and tuna and pineapple and pepperoni and baked beans. Yes, they do beans on pizzas now. Ew.

**1 minute later**

Just tried a section of Dave's pizza with beans on and I have two words to say: Yum-eyyy!

That is brillopads to the extreme!!

**20 minutes later**

All done with the main course. I ended up trading half my pizza for some more of Dave's beans. Oo-er! I am as stuffed as a stuffed person can be. But it was vair vair groovy. Groovy gravy in fact.

Dave said, "What you fancying for desert?"

Hmmm are you on the menu Mr Laughy Man?

"Actually I think I'm a bit full now." I said which is true.

Dave nodded in agreement, "Yeah me too, maybe we can grab an ice cream on the way back or something."

I said, "It's November. It's freezing."

"Well then we won't notice the coldness of the ice cream will we?"

Good point. Well made.

**8 minutes later**

Walking somewhere eating an icecream.

When we left Dave did this vair marvy thing... he shook the hand of the waiter and tipped him! You know when you put the money in your hand and slide it into the other person's.

I wouldn't have known only when he did it Dave dropped the money. Now that was tip top hilariosity and what made it so marvy!

Me and Dave just burst out laughing like loons then legged it from the restaurant.

Now we're licking our ice creams. I got strawberry and Dave got chocolate. Yummy yum.

**2 minutes later**

Dave took my hand again and we bounded down the road. I bet we looked vair cheesy with our ice creams and happy smiles. Joys unbounded. And for once I mean it literally!

**1 minute later**

I have no idea where we are. And I don't care. Because I'm with Dave. Davey Davey Dave.

**2 minutes later**

We stopped... somewhere. I'm too busy concentrating on being with Dave than anything else really.

I finished my ice cream finally but my teeth are now chattering. Dave moved round to face me and noticed. "You ok?" He said.

I nodded and tried to say, "Yess-usss," but it came out all stuttery.

Dave smiled all crooked-like and it made me go jelloid-esk.

"Still, maybe I can help." He said and then he... yes he...

**0.5 seconds later**

HE ACTUALLY KISSED ME!!!!!!!!

Praise all the heavens and Gods and Sandras and Call-me-Arnolds and Vikings and even the VOLES!

Oh my giddy god Dave just kissed me! Blissness to the extreme!

It was only a number 3 but it was sooooo nice! And I wasn't expecting it so it was so much better!! He just leant in slowly and pressed his lips lightly to mine. Jelloid knickers jelloid knickers!

**2 seconds later**

And now I'm stood gaping like a frozen fish while Dave is chuckling at me. I shut my mouth quickly but then Dave leaned in again and kissed me again! This time for longer too!

When he stopped Dave said really quietly and sexy like, "You taste like strawberries."

I laughed but bit my lip. Don't want a laughing spaz to ruin the moment.

"You taste like chocolate." I said back to him and he wrapped his arms tightly around me. My lord I'm not cold anymore. Not one teeny weeny bit cold.

Dave grinned and bent down again and said, "So I was thinking, you don't want to see anyone else. And I don't really want to either. So..."

"Yes!" I said quickly and Dave chucked.

"Gee let me ask!" He cleared his throat like he was making a speech or something. Vair amusant. Then he said, "Will you be my partner in Laughs?"

How about in snogs too?

I nodded and grinned my spastic full-nostril flaring smile. I hope it doesn't put him off.

"Why of course Mr Laugh."

Dave grinned and kissed me again on the lips for ages. Number 4! Woopy woop!

**15 minutes later**

Dave walked me home and had his arm round me the whole time. It was just as well, I probably would have collapsed otherwise. My legs are in a state of permanent jelloid I feel soooo happy. Just spending time with Dave is making me grin like a loony.

"I'll call you yeah?" Dave said at my wall.

I nodded like a nodding thing, "Yupp that sounds perfectamondoey."

"Good. Cos I would have called you anyway." Dave said then kissed me lightly again on the lips. Brain-freeze brain-freeze! Am I gonna stop working like this every time he kisses me?

Not that I care. In fact its vair fantabbytastic!!

"Night Gee. Camel's away."

I laughed, "Yeah, goodnight Dave."

**Saturday November 25****th**

**10a.m**

Up at the crack of dawn cos I was woken up by Libby singing a new rendition of "Sex Bum" and dancing with Gordy. But I don't even care because I am now the girlfriend of Dave the Laugh!! Yes yes and thrice yes!

Everything is fabby!

Well apart from Rosie and Jas not talking to me. In fact I really want to ring them right now and tell them everything. That's what I'd normally do. You know, if they didn't hate my guts for "lying" to Dave.

Tis a sham an' all. Why can't they get over it already me and Dave are happy. And I really miss them.

Not that I'd tell them that.

**2 minutes later**

Breakfast of clean fresh air! Tip-top parenting from Mutti as usual! Quelle surprise.

**30 seconds later**

I suppose I could ring Ellen to spread the brillopads news of me and Dave. But I really would like to get off the phone in the next week. Despite what Vati says.

Dave hasn't rang me yet. But then again he is normal (for a Laughy man) so is probably doing the right thing and sleeping right now.

But then again he doesn't have a little annoying sister/devil like me.

Unless... does he? I don't actually know. I don't know if he even has any siblings.

Oh no flashback to the hospital when I went all blubberly because I didn't know anything 'real' about Dave. I guess I still don't. But... but I know that I like him lots.

And I know that we have fun when we're together.

And I know I'm now his girlfriend.

And I know I no longer have the cosmic horn or any horn at all except for Dave.

In other words... I have finally lost my red bottom!!

I am so proud.

**Ok so that was sort of what you guys have been waiting for... don't worry though there will be more of that!! :P **

**Hope to hear all your thoughts XD**

**And also I need your help... it says on my document manager fandango that I can't upload any more files because there is too many in "story" format.. **

**anyone know how to change formats? I can't find it :( or do you know if the chapter will be deleted from here if i delete it from my documents?!**

**Horn's out! ;)**


	15. Steamroller over Me

**Thanks for reviewing the last chapter everyone! You certainly let me know how much you all lurrrrrved it so I shall write more like that!!**

**Special thanks to _mbmimi, SoBo113 & rarax1 _for your help with the documents... I've deleted some so I can post all the new chapters! woop!**

**Mention to _qwertyuiop098_ for once again posting a fab review that makes me laugh & smile XD**

**here's another chappy!!! ... enjoyyy mes amiesss :)**

**Horn's Out! ;)**

"**Steamroller over me"**

_HE ACTUALLY KISSED ME!!!!!!!!_

_Dave grinned and bent down again and said, "So I was thinking, you don't want to see anyone else. And I don't really want to either. So... will you be my partner in Laughs?"_

_I nodded and grinned my spastic full-nostril flaring smile. I hope it doesn't put him off. _

"_Why of course Mr Laugh." _

_Dave grinned and kissed me again on the lips for ages. Number 4! Woopy woop!_

_Everything is fabby!_

_Well apart from Rosie and Jas not talking to me. In fact I really want to ring them right now and tell them everything. That's what I'd normally do. You know, if they didn't hate my guts for "lying" to Dave._

_I really miss them._

**Sunday November 27****th**

**11.45a.m**

Just got off the phone with Dave. He has such a groovy gravy voice. And groovy hair. And face. And superb lips. Swooooon. He is like the ultimate groovy gravy boat personified.

Yummy scrumboes.

We talked for at least 20 minutes. It was like phone heaven.

I had to hang up eventually though because even Vati's badger was flushing red. He said, and these are his exact words, "Get your bleeding arse off that phone or I will disconnect it once and for all!"

Isn't he lovely? And not at all rude. Or vair dim considering that if he disconnects the phone then no one will be able to use it. Including him.

But then again he has no friends so that's not really an issue.

**10 minutes later**

Walking into town. Why I do not know. Well actually I do know it's because Mutti told me to but why I accepted, that I do not know.

I think it's possibly because I'm all happy now that me and Dave are a couple. But really, being Mutti's slavery girl? That's just sad.

Still hey hum pigs bum I'll get over it. I'll just make it up to myself by borrowing Mutti's leather jacket some time.

**5 minutes later**

What was it Mutti wanted?

I had a list somewhere...

**30 seconds later**

Hair spray

Leather pants

Black shoes

What is she doing, auditioning for Grease?!

I suppose I'll get a good chuckle out of it anyhow.

**3 minutes later **

**In River Islands**

Looking at shoes for "Mutti" which for the vair dim means for me.

They are black at least just as Mutti said. They're just more... my taste than hers. I.e. nice.

I wonder if I can pass off a pair of silver strappy ones for knee-length black boots? Probably not, even Mutti would notice that. Just.

They are nice though. Vair vair nice.

**30 seconds later**

Oh Christ on Bike Wet Lindsey's just walked in the shop.

This should be a barrel of fun. Not.

**10 seconds later**

"I wouldn't get them if I were you. Don't kid yourself, you can't pull them off."

Oh five guesses as to who that was.

I turned round and gave her my best I'm-looking-at-a-wet-weed look. I even managed to stare at her none-forehead for a wee bit. Well done me.

I said, "Actually I was thinking you should buy them. They'll highlight your knobbly knees in a fab way."

"Nicolson you are so childish, why don't you move along to that kid shop, what's it called again? Oh yeah, mothercare."

Is it bad that I've actually shopped there? For Libby. But still.

"Sure can you give me directions? I heard your best friend works there." ADM that is. Haha blew up in her face!

Wet Lindsey went all red then and stormed off in a different direction. Blimey she has about zillion bags on her arms. She must get a load of squids from her Mutti and Vati. I bet she's rich. She should think about spending the money on food though. Her legs are quite literally thinner than sticks which is sehr thin. Ew.

I put down the shoes before Lindsey could come back and backed off away.

**3 seconds later **

Just backed into a clothes rack. Ow, I hurt my head.

"You ok Georgia?"

What? Who said that?! Show yourself!

**2 seconds later**

Robbie has just appeared from behind the clothes rack. How long has he been there?

"How long have you been there?"

Robbie chuckled and looked a tad embarrassed. "A few minutes. Sorry about Lindsey. Again."

What so he just waited in safety of the weed while I got a full bashing? He is vair lucky he is not my One and Only has he would so be dumped. I suppose I can still give him a good duffing up though...

**1 second later**

"How's it going with you and Dave?" He asked. Probably to stop the duffingness. Or to get the convo away from the Wet One.

"It's going great thanks." I smiled. How come I always smile when I hear Dave's name?

Robbie grinned, "And how's Jas and everyone? I haven't seen her much recently."

You and me both.

"Err, I guess she's alright. Well apart from the gigantibus stick stuck up her gigantibus knickers." Oops maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Robbie looks confused. Good.

"Are you and Jas ok?"

"Of course." I said. "Well a bit. Ok not really. We haven't spoken in a while."

Robbie sighed but in a nice I-know-how-you-feel way. "What's up?"

My turn to sigh, this could take a while. But at least I'm surrounded by pretty clothes.

"Well basically Rosie and Jas don't like that I'm going out with Dave and not telling him that we've, you know, been out before cos they say I'm lying to him and worse than Emma but in fact I can't tell him can I cos then he will know what... sort of person I was and won't like me anymore and I need him to like me cos I really like him, you see?"

Robbie nodded.

What? He got that? Even I'm still trying to work out what I just said.

**30 seconds later**

Robbie said, "You never get an easy ride do you?"

What's that supposed to me?

"Why didn't you tell everyone about Dave?"

Huh? "What?" I said.

"Well when I gave your number to Dave everyone wondered what it was about so Dave explained how you guys had been out once or twice or whatever. My brother in particular was really shocked."

Oh my bloody hell Sandra. That's how Jas found out! Tom must have told her!

Merde.

**1 minute later**

"Robbie! Robbie! Where are you I'm ready to go now oh-"

Oh brillopads the weed has returned.

"What are you doing talking to _her_!"

Lovely to see you again too.

Robbie frowned, "Lindsey calm down I'm allowed to talk to Georgia she's my friend."

Ha! I smiled at Lindsey.

"No she's not! Not while I'm your girlfriend."

Oh man she's digging a hole. And weed's can't climb.

Robbie said, "Well then maybe you shouldn't be my girlfriend anymore."

**3.00pm**

In my room.

Robbie has broken up with Wet Lindsey. I think. After he shouted at her she scambered off pretty quickly. I left too as Robbie seemed kinda wierd. He invited me to a Stiff Dylans gig next Saturday though. That should be good. I'll be going with Dave of course.

I wonder if Masimo is still with the Dylans? I hope not. I hope he's gone gone gone far away to Pizza-a-go-go land will all the other slimy handbag carriers. I don't know why I used to go in a huff when Dave called him that, it's strangely refreshing.

**2 minutes later**

Phone's ringing.

Pant pant puff puff.

**5 seconds later**

"Hello home of the fearlessly brave."

"Oh well hello darling! How are you dear?" What larks it's Dave putting on a granny voice! He's scaring good...

"Oh I'm jolly good old bean and are you tickity-boo?"

"Of course I am you silly fool I'm talking to you my sweets."

Awwww

He said, "So are you free for a quick canoodle anytime soon?"

Cheeky cat!

"You cheeky puppy you know I'm an innocent little girl what would your mother say?"

Haha I can hear Dave laughing down the phone!

"I won't tell her if you don't." He said then hung up!

What larks we should talk like this more often! He's getting more rudey dudey by the day!

**Tuesday November 29****th**

**11.20am**

**English**

Or the land of Rom and Jule.

Jas and Rosie love this lesson as it makes it more easy for them to ignore me. Basically they just spend time "reading" over their lines. What crap. Rosie can't read.

**1 minute later**

I think Wet Lindsey is very certainly on the war path. She was marching like a bat out of hell down the corridor. (see what I did there?). In fact I very nearly had a steamroller over me. Ouchy.

Luckily due to my amazing reactions I managed to skip as quick as a quick skipper into the classroom.

Unfortunately it an English classroom. And I ended up being five minutes early for lesson. If I'm not careful I will ruin my reputation.

Better get a bad conduct mark or something, that should set things straight.

**Lunch**

Still being ignored. By Rosie and Jas that is. But the others are staring to act weird as well. Either that or they are turning vair vair dim.

Mabs turned to me and said, "So you and Dave are going out like officially?"

I nodded. How many times do I have to tell them?

Ellen said, "So he's like erm, properly like, err, crushing on you err, then?"

Jools giggled.

"What's funny?"

She said, "Well you've gone from like... crashing PANTS to crushing camels."

Hmmm

**10 minutes later**

Uh-oh I see a Wet weed growing on the horizon.

"Nicolson you horrid rat!" She screamed at me. Even Jas and Rosie turned to look.

I said, "I prefer bat if you don't mind We- ... Lindsey."

I saw Rosie laugh out the corner of my eye. Too bad she's having a permanent nervy b with me otherwise she could join in the weed bashing fun.

"Shut up shut up! Stop ruining my life you retched child! Leave Robbie and me alone!" She shouted then stormed off leaving me staring at Jas and Rosie's open mouths.

Fab.

**1 minute later**

Mabs asked, "Gee what's going on with you and Robbie? You just said you and Dave were together."

"We are! Nothing's going on with me and Robbie! We're just friends!!"

She raised her eyebrows. They all did. I bet Rosie and Jas are as well but I refuse to look.

"It's the truth."

They don't believe me. Quelle surprise.

**Thursday December 1****st**

**4.00pm**

Life sucks.

Well except the Dave part of my life. Everything else sucks. Sucks sucks sucks.

No one is talking to me. And by no one I mean Ellen Jools and Mabs.

I should make a list there's that many.

I have a hunch it's because they think I'm cheating on Dave with Robbie.

Well actually I know it's this because they told me yesterday.

But they're wrong. Robbie's just a matey mate. I like Dave sooo much I would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever... ruin that.

They might though.

They keep staring at me and Dave at rehearsals. I'm scared potatoes that they're going to say something to him.

It's like they've excluded me from the Ace Gang and it's not nice.

I have no girl-type mates anymore.

As I said, life sucks.

**20 minutes later**

Walking home with Dave. I made him wait until the others had gone home so as to avoid any awkwardnessnessness.

He didn't get it but didn't ask too many questions luckily.

I like walking home with Dave. It's like the same everyday but still fun. And when we reach my wall he always gives me a marvy number 4. Yummy scrumboes.

It's weird with Dave this time. Before it was all about the snogging really but now I just love being with him. And the snogging is still great obviously.

But a number 4 makes me go jelloid everytime. It's like I'm not even bothered about the snogging scale anymore.

Which is just as well seeing as I don't have anyone to talk about it with. I could get to number 10 and still be a lonely clud in the friend department.

**5 minutes later**

"So you heard about the gig on Saturday?" I asked Dave as we swung our arms along. (Connected to our arms, not on strings beside us.)

Dave nodded, "The lads mentioned something about it. You going?"

"Only if you are." I smiled and Dave grinned at me and pulled me into a quick kiss right in the middle of the path.

"Guess I'll just have to go then. Don't want to deprive you of my amazing company."

I said, "No you don't."

**1 minute later**

At my wall now.

Great. Not.

Dave leaned in to kiss me like he normally does.

Oh my lord Sandra jelloid knickers!!

"I'll pick you up on Saturday then." He said, "See you at 7."

**Saturday December 3****rd**

**7.00pm**

Waiting for Dave. I put on my denim skirt with tights (cos its vair nipply noodles outside) and a long toppy thing on top. Groovy bananas if I do say so myself. I'm wearing heels too so I can reach up to Dave better, he is vair vair tall these days.

Mutti's got her friends round and I can hear that naff oldies music from the stone ages.

**1 second later**

Tis quite catchy though.

Comma comma down doo be doo down down... comma comma down do be doo down down...

**2 seconds later**

Door bell!

Thank the heavens. Saving me from myself. Or from Mutti's music.

Opening door...

**1 second later**

Oh my giddy god Dave wearing groovy pants and a marvy open collar shirt fandango. He is quite literally sex on legs. Not that I'd do anything that rudey dudey with him.

Unless he asked.

Shut up brain!!

**1 second later**

He's staring at me. I'll take that as a good sign.

"Wow. You look, erm, nice."

I laughed, "Thanks, you too-"

Mutti cut me off marching up to us. This could be trouble, she's definitely been on the vino.

"Oh Daveee! So glad you recovered after your accident, how lovely to see you around here again young son."

Definitely trouble. And what is she on about young son? He is sooo not her son. That would mean he is my brother. And that would be like incest and that is like too grim to even think about.

**1 minute later**

Walking (linksies) with Dave.

Got rid of Mutti finally. She is sooo embarrassing, starting cracking up over some lame ass joke with her "hip" friends. I doubt any of them even have their real hips.

And if they do they're due for an op soon.

Dave looked at me then away again then said, "Gee, why did your Mutti say it's great to see me _again_?"

Oh merde merde merde with knobs on.

"Err, well err," think think think brain!

I said, "Well you know she probably saw you through the window when we walk home together."

"Oh... right." Dave said. I don't think he believes me though.

Merde.

**9.00pm**

What a gig! Totally awesome night with all the groovy Ace Gang dances and fabby music and a marvy time in general!

**1 second later**

That is what I would be saying if the Ace Gang were talking to me. But they're not. All night (so far anyway) they've just been in a corner of the dance floor with their boyfriends.

Well I have one!

I just don't have any mates. And it sucks.

Jingle bells even came on (it's December now) and I really wanted to do our dance. I knew the others did too cos they were twitching and stuff so must have been eager to dance.

Apart from Ellen who twitches anyway.

But they just stayed away in their stupid corner of the stupid room. Grrr.

I think Dave is worried about me too. He keeps asking if I'm alright.

And he's looking a bit funny himself too. Hmmm...

**9.30pm**

Robbie's just done a set with the Stiff Dylans. Masimo is nowhere to be seen tonight thank Lord Sandra. I would not like Dave to meet him.

It was really groovy everyone was bopping along. Me and Dave had a good boogie on down to the music. It even cheered me up for a wee bit.

Robbie saw me and Dave dancing together and winked at me which made me laugh. But then Dave saw and went a tad jealous I think.

He's vair hot when he's jealous though. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and he dropped it for a bit. But then he kept looking from me to Robbie, Robbie to me and back again.

It was sehr hard to dance with him when he was doing that. I had to like grab his arms and move both of us since he was preoccupied.

I hope Dave does not have a touch of the homosexual about him. I know Robbie is groovy looking but surely not?

That would just be really taking the biscuit. And I've got all the biscuit I need in Dave thanks.

**25 minutes later**

Sitting down with Dave.

He's staring at me funny. I don't like it.

"Are you ok?" I finally asked him, sipping at my drink for something to do.

He sat up and leaned over towards me. Oh crikey his eyes are all serious. And vair attractive. But I must not leap on him. Must not must not must not.

**1 second later**

"Georgia, why didn't you tell me it was Robbie that dumped you to go to New Zealand?"

Oh gott in himmel you've got to be kidding?!

"Well I err, I, you know, didn't think it would be that important." Merde merde merde.

Dave frowned for ages and kept opening and closing his mouth like a fish about to say something.

After a while though he leant back again and sighed. "I'm sorry. You're right. I guess it's not important. Cos you're just mates now right? Like you said?"

I nodded like a nodding do. "Exactly like I said. Just mates. I happen to like you a little bit you know." I said smiling.

Oh thank Lord Sandra Dave's grinning back.

Phew.

Problem over.

**2 minutes later**

Maybe not.

I asked Dave, "How did you know? Did Tom tell you?"

Dave shook his head and rubbed it like it hurt, "No he didn't I... err, I'm not really sure... err, no one told me erm, I just... err, you know, knew."

Great he's swallowed Ellen. Not the best trait I want in my One and Only.

Oh Christ on Bike I've just realised what he's trying to say! He remembered that me and Robbie used to date! How can he remember that but not remember me from before?! He must have that selective hearing thing but for his memory.

I get that a lot at home. Especially when Vati asks me if I used his razor.

**2 seconds later**

"You remembered?" I said quietly and Dave nodded enthusiastically.

"I guess I must have seen you round at Tom's house when I was there. You know, when you and Robbie were going out."

I nodded until my head was about to fall off. That explanation will do me just fine.

"Did we ever talk?" He asked.

Crap. To lie or not to lie?! Not to I think. Honesty is the best policy as the Queen says. Or at least I think she does.

"No."

Oops to late.

Dave shrugged and stood up holding out his hand for me, "No problemo miss, we shall just have to make up for lost time now right?" He grinned.

Jelloid moment!!

"Nunng." I said. That means yes is jelloid speak. Dave seemed to understand as he led me to the dance floor.

I hope he holds onto me, my legs are about to collapse.

**I've just realised I've been forgetting about my regular cliff hangers! silly me! although this is kinda one if you think about it...**

**I shall let you ponder it!**

**let me know what you think everyone! I have a lot more people on fav stories list and alerts list and would love to hear from you guys to see what you think of my story!**

**thanks again, **

**Horn's out! ;)**

**p.s hopefully next chappy on fri/sat!**


	16. Marsupial Man to the Rescue

**Hey guys I know I said I'd update on fri but instead of 3 short chapters I've changed it to 2 longer ones XD so theres this one then the one on xmas day which is the last of this story!! woop! or maybe an un-woop I'm not sure :P**

**thanks again guys to everyone who commented :) **

**enjoy...**

**horn's out! ;)**

"**Marsupial Man to the Rescue"**

_Mabs asked, "Gee what's going on with you and Robbie? You just said you and Dave were together."_

"_We are! Nothing's going on with me and Robbie! We're just friends!!"_

_She raised her eyebrows. They all did. I bet Rosie and Jas are as well but I refuse to look. _

"_It's the truth."_

_They don't believe me._

_No one is talking to me_

_I have no girl-type mates anymore. _

_Dave looked at me then away again then said, "Gee, why did your Mutti say it's great to see me again?"_

"_Georgia, why didn't you tell me it was Robbie that dumped you to go to New Zealand?"_

_Oh gott in himmel you've got to be kidding?!_

"_You remembered?" I said quietly and Dave nodded enthusiastically. _

"_I guess I must have seen you round at Tom's house when I was there. You know, when you and Robbie were going out."_

_I nodded until my head was about to fall off. That explanation will do me just fine._

"_Did we ever talk?" He asked. _

_Crap. To lie or not to lie?! Not to I think. Honesty is the best policy as the Queen says. Or at least I think she does. _

"_No." Oops. _

**Wednesday December 7****th**

**8.30pm**

Walking to Stalag 14 all on my owney own as usual since Jas (and the rest of the Ace Gang for that matter) have dumped me.

You would think they would show some consideration for moi since we have been Bessie mates for Sandra knows how long but nooooo. They are so selfish.

They've avoided me all week. At pretty much the same time that I've been avoiding Wet Lindsey. I'm pretty sure she'd pummel me if I stood still long enough.

In fact if it wasn't for Dave and his laughs after school I don't think I'd bother going to Stalag 14. It's quite literally a place of personal hell at the mo. And believe me that is not pleasant.

is over the moon though. She thinks that since I am now a newly formed billy-o that she is instantly my best friend. And that is so not the case.

I shall have to break it to her gently.

Bugger off springs to mind.

**9.15 a.m**

Qu'est-ce qu'il le point of assembly?

I mean other than for BG to show off to everyone that I have no mates and have to sit at the back on my bil.

And this torture is all for Slim to rave on about how _proud _she is of the Rom and Jule cast. I can practically see Jas's fringe blushing with pride. Slim said something about when the first date of the play is. I think she said the 14th of November.

Or was it December? That seems more likely.

**20 minutes later**

**German**

I never thought there would be a day when German was boring. But this past week even Herr Kamyer's stunts don't seem amusant when there's no one to laugh with.

I try explaining them to Dave after school but it's just not the same since he's not there when the action happens.

But on the bright side Jas and Rosie and everyone don't look like they're having fun either. That's something... right?

**Lunch**

A.k.a: prolonged time of torture where I have to now escape from not only a Wet Weed but also avoid the Ace Gang (who are not the Ace Gang without me) and my new tag along P. Green.

I would much rather have the titches and that is le fact.

**3.30pm**

**Rehearsals**

Thank Lord Sandra another day of misery is over.

Dave is here now with me back stage and we are playing "this is what my brother or sister would look like".

Dave makes quite a hot girl type folk. In a strictly non-lessie way of course.

He has put on a wig with blonde pigtails and I put a ton of blusher on him and four eye-liner dots for freckles on each cheek. Hahahahaaaaa.

Yes I fell about laughing when it was done.

And then Dave pouted so I had a laughing spaz to end all laughing spazzes.

**30 seconds later**

Dave said "Your turn!"

Merde.

**10 minutes later**

Stood in front of a mirror. With my eyes shut. I really don't want to look at the boy-type version of myself.

"Come on Gee you look good." But this was then followed by an explosion of laughter.

I turned to glare at Dave but then accidentally saw myself in the mirror.

**20 seconds later**

Oh in all things holey!

I have a really short wig on and it actually looks like I have short hair (my hair is underneath) but my fringe pokes through so it does look vair amusant.

I also have a badger stuck above my mouth. Ew. It's bushier than Vati's. Double ew.

Oh my giddy god I'm wearing lederhosen!!

But the straps aren't fastened. Yet.

**10 seconds later**

Yep, Dave has just put the straps over my shoulders and clicked them in place.

Brillopads.

I actually look scarily like a boy.

**5 seconds later**

"Dave!!" I shouted but he just pouted again and flicked his pigtails.

What larks.

**30 minutes later**

Walking home with Dave as per usual.

P. Green walked in while we were our... other selves. She didn't recognise us though and went up to Dave and said, "Do you know where Georgia is?"

I stood behind P Green and shook my head for billio. In fact I shook it so hard that my wig flew off. I scampered as quick as a quick thing to put it back on while Dave tried not to laugh.

He didn't succeed.

"She's... *splutter* ... not... *chuckle* ...here..."

I think P. Green was vair vair scared as she left soon after that. Although it did take her about an hour to get through the door with the size of her and everything.

**1 minute later**

It feels good to be me again. And that's girl-me not boy-me who is in fact not me at all. Well maybe a tad, but only if you squint really hard.

Dave is swinging my arm and I keep laughing like a loon. It's vair amusant. We have definitely developed a case of the giggles since rehearsals.

**2 minutes later**

Quite near my house now. Boo.

I still haven't let Dave come anywhere near the door since the Mutti revealing incident. And no that's not Mutti revealing her indecent-self to him (though I wouldn't put it past her) but it's because Mutti let it spill that she recognised Dave.

I managed to clear it up thought... I think.

Anyway so far I've managed to escape another fiasco with my amazing sneakiness. Which basically means I give Dave some pathetico excuse as to why he can't come in. Yesterday was "I need to feed my cat," which is clearly a lie as Angus can feed himself. But Dave doesn't know this. I hope.

He is getting rather suspicious though.

**1 minute later**

**At my wall**

Sat on the wall. With Dave next to me.

"You busy now?" Dave asked.

Oh merde he's trying to get in my house again!

"Err, well I have an appointment with... Doctor Clooney."

Dave raised his eyebrows at me, "Doctor Clooney?"

"Well erm, that's not his actual name but he looks like err..."

Wait if I say the doctor looks like George Clooney is that displaying a hint of red bottomosity?

**1 second later**

It's alright I didn't have to answer because Dave butted in and said, "Well speaking of appointments. I have one at the hospital tomorrow."

"Oh yeah?" I said calmly though I was secretly thanking BG and Lord Sandra for the change of topic.

I let Dave ramble on for a bit about his check-up about his progress and what-not. It wasn't that interesting so I didn't really pay attention until it sounded as though he was nearly finished.

"...so I could get it all back at some point."

I said, "That's great." Though I didn't have a clue what he was on about. Maybe I should have listened. Ahh well...

"What time is your appointment?" I asked.

"Half 3."

"What?! No you can't go!" I yelled.

Dave frowned, "Why not?"

I waved my arms around like the loon I am. "Because then I will be lonely as a clud at rehearsals."

"You'll have Jas and Ellen and everyone." Dave laughed. Yes I know I'm the devil I haven't told him they're not speaking to me. But only because then I would have to tell him why.

I shook my head, "They'll be on the stage."

Dave put his arm round me, "You'll be fine. Plus you know where that wig is now."

I tried not to laugh but couldn't help it. Dave did have a good point.

**2 minutes later**

Dave stood up off the wall, "Well I guess I'm off then."

I jumped up as well and nodded.

"You've got your appointment thing now right?" Why do I get the feeling I'm being interrogated?

I nodded so my mouth wouldn't let anything slip.

Dave sighed. I think he knows I'm lying.

He leaned in to kiss me. A number four like normal. Only this time it wasn't nearly as long as normal. Merde.

"S'laters then Georgia."

Oh no not the s'laters thing.

**Thursday December 8****th**

**1.00pm**

At home.

Yes I know I told Dave I was going to Stalag 14 but there is no way I am being a lonely clud for the whole day with no Laugh at the end as a reward.

So I didn't go.

I pulled a sickly. Luckily Mutti was in a rush this morning (later as per usual) so she didn't ask too many questions, she just tutted a bit then walked out the door.

Brillopads!

A whole day to do tonnes of interesting stuff like...

Err.....

There must be something I can do!

Only boring people get bored.

**2 minutes later**

Am I boring?

No I'm not boring. That's just stupid.

**Friday December 9****th**

**9.00a.m**

**In bed**

I think I had the most boring day of my life yesterday. Boring as billio.

So why am I taking today off as well?!

I guess it's cos seeing as I'm playing a sicky I might as well take full advantage.

And Mutti and Vati are out at "work" again which is a plus in anyone's books.

I'm all snuggled up in my bed with Cross-Eyed Gordy and Angus who, for once, are not savaging at my feet. Maybe they feel my pain. They are vair smart after all. So they know I now have no girl-type mates so are keeping me company.

Because let's face it, Gordy is basically a girl cat.

I think he still has makeup on that Libs put on him yesterday. It does take the focus off his dodgy eye though. But I like him being cross-eyed. It's different and interesting. Not boring. Without that he's just... just... Gordy. Pfft.

**15 minutes later**

Ow bloody ow! I just got dressed and kindly offered to take Gordy's makeup off for him when he basically tore my hand off!

That's the gratitude I get for trying to restore his masculinity!!

What did I say? Girl.

**2 minutes later**

Hungry.

I wonder what marvellous food snackies Mutti has bought from all those shopping trips she goes on every night.

On no wait, that's what a normal Mutti does.

Mine waits for food to go off and for social services to ring before she buys any decent food.

And they haven't rang yet by the way. Which is why there is no decent food.

**Several hours of starvation later**

Screw it I'm getting a takeaway. Mouldy cheerios can only satisfy me for so long.

Chinese or pizza? Indian or Fish & Chips?

Hmmm...

**2 seconds later**

Oh my giddy god Robbie is standing outside my house!

What in his wombat loving self is he doing here?

Thank Sandra I'm already dressed now I only have to make my hair and face not too scary bananas...

**2 minutes later**

Door bell rang.

Merde. I've only done one layer of foundation!

**1 minute later**

Running down the stairs. Pant pant pant.

**10 seconds later**

Opened the door.

"Hey Georgia."

"Oh, hi Robbie," I said putting on my oh-I-didn't-expect-to-see-you face.

Robbie held out his arms and handed me a box of chocolates. Wow.

He must have seen my confused face because he said, "To help you feel better."

Huh?

Oh right! I'm _ill. _Of course.

"Err thanks." I took the chocolates. At least this'll save me a few squids from ordering a take-away.

Robbie said, "Can I come in for a bit Georgia?"

What? Is this "can I come in for a bit of a snog" or just "can I come in"? I thought we were matey-mates?! Oh no please don't let my red bottom come back I've only just scared it off!

**2 minutes later**

Sat on the sofa with Robbie. I'm on the arm though (of the chair not of me) so no accidental snogs can happen. I hope.

"Listen, it seems I've caused you a lot of trouble."

I frowned, "What do you, err... what?"

"You didn't want Jas and your friends to know about you and Dave did you? And I let Tom know."

I gulped and Robbie continued, "When you mentioned you hadn't spoken to Jas in a while I asked Tom about it and he told me... everything."

Oh of course Radio Jas would have been transmitting all my supposed "red-bottomness" and "evil lies" to Hunky.

"I want to fix this." Robbie said. "I think maybe I should talk to Jas, or Tom if you prefer, and explain that you and Dave are... good together?" He said as a question.

I nodded.

Robbie smiled awkwardly, "He also said that Jas said you were... cheating on Dave with me."

WHATTTT?!

"I err, no! I haven't... I didn't... she's lying!"

Robbie laughed. "Georgia relax. I'm the one you're meant to have been cheating with. And I obviously know there's nothing going on."

Sandra, I am a twit of highest waters.

"I'll clear that up too though." Robbie assured me, "Everything will be fine."

I sighed and slid down to sit on the sofa properly.

"Thanks Robbie. But... err, why are you doing this for me?"

Robbie smiled at me. He has a nice smile. It doesn't make me go jelloid anymore, but it's still nice. "Because you're my friend and I care about you."

Uh-oh. "Care about me in... a matey kind of way right?"

Robbie laughed, "Yes, a 'matey-kind of way'."

Phew. This is actually nice. Me and Robbie talking that is. Plus if he says he's going to sort everything out then its super duper triple knobs nice!

**2 minutes later**

Door bell.

Robbie said, "I'll get it."

Wow, slavery boy. "Ok." I grinned and Robbie laughed as he went to get the door.

I opened the chocolates. Which one to eat first? Hmmm...

**10 seconds later**

I heard Robbie open the door and say "Oh, err hi."

Oh, err hi?! What does that mean?!

Scamper scamper to the door...

**1 second later**

Oh gott in himmel!

It's Dave! Dave at the door! With a box of chocolates! While I am here with Robbie and my own box of chocolate!

Merde merde merde!!

**3 seconds later**

Oh crap Dave's just turned and walked off! He does not look happy.

I ran to the door, "Dave come back!"

I started to go after him but Robbie pulled me back. "Let him cool off Georgia."

Cool off I'll let you cool off Mr.

I tugged for Robbie to let me go but he wouldn't.

"I have to get him back." I moaned.

**9.00pm**

Well if I wasn't ill before I definitely am now. I can't believe what Dave saw that must have looked vair bad.

I tried ringing him but as soon as he heard my voice he just hung up. Normally I would be ignorez-vousing him for that kind of behaviour but it seems he's beaten me to it.

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse the Swiss Family Mad returned home. Luckily Robbie had just left but a dose of Libby after a miz moment with a Laugh is not a good remedy for anyone.

**2 minutes later**

I shall never get to sleep now.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

**Saturday December 10****th**

**10am**

It's the weekend now so I can recover from being "sick". Maybe Vati will even give me some squids to spend to help me feel better.

Not that I would go into town by myself that is vair sad.

**2 minutes later**

Mutti just barged into my room. How rude.

But then again did I really expect her to knock? That would be too much like a good Mutti.

"Oh good you're awake Georgie, I need help, please can you fasten me up."

Excuse me?!

**3 seconds later**

"Please Georgia I'm late enough already," Mutti said.

Oh my bleating goat. She's wearing that leather outfit thingy!! Ewwww! No way can I let her go out the house like that!

I shook my head, "Sorry Mutti I think an outfit like that is where they get the phrase "crime to fashion" from."

Mutti sighed, "Do you always have to be so difficult?"

"I'm not being difficult. I'm being truthful."

Mutti did a bit more sighing combined with tutting then left the room saying, "I'll get your father to do it then."

Sure go run to the portly one.

**11.00am**

I thought I'd ring Dave again.

Which since yesterday afternoon really means me ringing Dave and him hanging up on me. Great.

**2 minutes later**

Ring ring.

"Hello?"

"Dave! It's Ge-"

He hung up. Shocker. But at least I got past "dave" this time. That's progress right?

**1 minute later**

Ringing again. Screw the glaciosity I need to speak to him.

He's not even picking up!

I think I've gone back a step in progress then.

**4.00pm**

It's four o'clock and it's dark as a darky thing outside. Where did all the day go? Ahh well, I guess I'll just have to catch up on my "sitting on the wall" another time.

Mutti hasn't returned from her... err... where was she going again? Well anyway she's not back yet. Not that I'm complaining.

Although it would be nice to have someone to distract Vati. He's been moaning on all day at me about random crap like "on the phone too long" and "don't use my bloody razor" and "sort you stupid cat out".

Which I think is rather harsh as Angus is ten times smarter than Vati. He learnt how to ride bare-back on the Prat Poodles in five minutes. Now that is the markings of a smart cat.

**10 minutes later**

Phone just rang so I lept on it as quick as a leaping thing; i.e vair vair quick.

"Hello house of horrors here, scream if you need me."

I heard chuckling down the phone. "Dave?" Please be Dave please be Dave!

"I'm sorry Dave's not here. But you might be able to find him outside."

What?!

**5 seconds later**

Looking outside.

No one's there! But it was Dave calling. Hmmm...

**2 seconds later**

Oh!! Dave's just come out of the phone box! He looks happy. Or is it sad? I can't tell from here.

Time to go down and see Dave I think!

They always come laughing back. Hahahahahahaha

**3 minutes later**

Dave is sat on the wall. I stood opposite him.

No one's spoken yet. Should I? Is he going to?

Dave spoke finally, thank baby Sandra.

"Look, I think I may have overreacted."

I gulped but didn't say anything. My mouth would just get me in trouble no doubt.

"Robbie came round." Dave explained, "Told me that you guys were just talking."

Wow, marsupial man to the rescue.

"I guess I just... you know, jumped to conclusions after finding out about you two before..." Dave trailed off.

"We're just mates." I said.

"There's something else," Dave said.

"Yeah?"

"Well I mean, he was in your house Georgia."

I frowned. Does he think I don't know that?

"You never let me near your house, never mind in it. I thought maybe it was because you just didn't like having people over or something. But then you let Robbie in. Why? Why him and not me?"

Oh crap crap and merde.

"It's just... well, my family are... they're embarrassing beyond the valley of sadness. My Vati is a portly stress-head with a badger on his face and my Mutti is an over-basooming loon with under-sized clothing and then there's my little devil-chid sister who-"

Dave held up a hand to stop me. "So you thought I wouldn't like you if I met your family?"

I nodded glumly. But at least it wasn't a lie. Just not the whole truth. In fact about 20% of the truth but hey ho pigs bum...

**1 second later**

Dave gave a small smile, "You're an idiot."

Huh? I would prefer "You're beautiful and stunning and amazing".

"But you and Robbie..."

"We're just mates." I said again, "I promise."

Dave smiled, "I think I believe you."

I grinned, "You are vair smart you know."

Dave pulled me over to sit on the wall with him. "Oh, I know."

Then he leaned in to kiss me. Lovely number four!

**4 minutes later**

Ok maybe a bit longer than a number four! Not that I'm complaining! This is vair vair good.

Oh my god oh my god oh my GIDDY GOD!

Number 5!! With Dave the Laugh!!!!!

Oh! My! ...

**5 seconds later**

Ow!!

I am now on the ground. Why am I on the ground? How did I get here?

Christ on Bike.

**1 second later**

Dave is leaning over the wall at me. Deja vu or what?

He's chuckling "What happened to you?"

"I... I think I... err, I'm not sure..."

Duh it's because he moved to number 5!! It was just normal to faint. Ish.

Dave laughed and jumped down to join me on the ground.

"Do you want to come out with me tomorrow?"

I nodded and just remembered to say, "Yus-nung."

"Good stuff. Do a bit of Christmas shopping yeah?"

"Yeah that sounds good. And err, maybe you can come back to mine for a bit after."

Dave raised his eyebrows, "Really?"

I nodded, "Yepp. Sure as a sure thing in sure land."

Dave grinned and moved closer to me.

This is so jelloid territory!

**2 seconds later**

Snogging Dave! Number 4 and a bit of number 5!

And this time I didn't faint or fall off or anything!

**So just one more chapter left!! Do you guys want it straight away in the morning on thurs? You see I normally wake up around 7 cos im a lil kid at heart :P so I can post it then if you want or maybe around lunch? let me know in your reviews..**

**also keep on reviewing for this chappy because I'm going to mention every single one of you guys that review in the last chapter.. and a few special mentions to the regular reviews XD **

**hope to hear from you! and also I'll have some drawings for you as ANOTHER present :P !**

**horn's out! ;)**


	17. Out of the Crazy Tree and into the

**Final chappy up as promised! Actually even earlier than promised as its like half 1 in the morning... but I actually can't sleep because I am just a little kid inside XD**

**Thankyou for all your reviews, you actually made me double take on whether I should change the ending to this... but I stuck to what I planned in the end and the rest will come in a sequel (??)**

**This is the longest chappy out of the whole story but please make sure you read it all and don't skip to get to the end... all is important!**

**I shall let you get on with it now...**

"**Out the Crazy Tree and into the Whirlwind of ****Ballisiticisimus****."**

"_I want to fix this." Robbie said. "I think maybe I should talk to Jas, or Tom if you prefer, and explain that you and Dave are... good together?" He said as a question._

_I nodded._

_Robbie smiled awkwardly, "He also said that Jas said you were... cheating on Dave with me."_

"_I'll clear that up too though." Robbie assured me, "Everything will be fine."..._

_Dave held up a hand to stop me. "So you thought I wouldn't like you if I met your family?"_

_I nodded glumly. But at least it wasn't a lie. Just not the whole truth. In fact about 20% of the truth but hey ho pigs bum..._

_Number 5!! With Dave the Laugh!!!!!_

_Oh! My! ..._

_Dave laughed and jumped down to join me on the ground. _

"_Do you want to come out with me tomorrow?"_

_I nodded and just remembered to say, "Yus-nung." _

"_Good stuff. Do a bit of Christmas shopping yeah?" _

"_Yeah that sounds good. And err, maybe you can come back to mine for a bit after."_

**Sunday December 11****th**

**9.00am **

Up at the crack of the cows so I can be ready for my date/shopping trip with Dave. We said we'd meet in town at 11.00am which I thought was a tad early but I didn't say anything.

Only two hours to get ready which is not nearly enough time but I shall work with what I have.

And moan a lot. That helps too. Despite what Mutti says. Vati wouldn't have given me that extra 30 squids if I hadn't moaned. It always pays off. Well most times anyway.

**2 minutes later**

What to start with? Hair? Makeup? Clothes? I think my outfit will take about an hour to pick so I'd better crack on with that.

But then again shouldn't I go in the shower first so I have time to dry and sort out my hair? I do not want it looking like I've stuck my finger in a socket. Or like Mutti in other words.

**1 minute later**

Clothes. Must dress to perfection and show my glaciosity and maturiosity sides.

**30 seconds later**

Running water for a shower. Better to have nice hair than nice clothes.

**2 minutes later**

Stopped the water. What am I thinking? If I have crap clothes on then that will just cancel out the fab hair. Deffo pick clothes.

**5 minutes later**

Black skinny jeans or denim skirt with tights?

Glam kitty or cute girl?

**1 minute later**

Glam kitty. Tis good to show the rock-esk side once in a while.

**30 seconds later**

No better play safe and appear innocent and sweet. Especially after all the fiascos.

**10 seconds later**

Black skinnys.

**5 seconds later**

Denim skirt.

**2 minutes later**

This is too hard!! Why am I picking my clothes first?

**1 minute later**

In the shower.

**25 minutes later**

Shower done and hair dry. I shaved my legs as well (with Vati's razor) so they are smoothy smooth.

My hair isn't too bad either surprisingly. It's vair bouncier than its usual self. Big G must finally be on my side.

Do you think he would give me a mobile for Christmas if I prayed vair nicely?

**10.00am**

Right I really need to decide now.

Skinnys or skirt? Skinnys or skirt? Skinnys or skirt?

Skirt!

Skinnys!

Skirt!

Skinnys!

**2 minutes later**

In my denim skirt and pink tights and a pink jacket. Vair cool beans.

Now makeup... cute and simple to go with my outfit I think.

So that's just a few layers of foundation, some blusher to give me that healthy winter glow and... ooo wow I've just found this fabbity fab eyeliner! It's a liquid purple one. Vair marvy.

But it won't go with my pinkyness...

**10 minutes later**

In black skinny jeans, purple top, and groovy eyeliner to match!!

I'm a Sex kitty if there ever was one.

Maybe Big G will let Dave remember the Sex Kitty side of me without remembering all the other red bottomness... that would be vair good.

**1 minute later**

Maybe it would help if I went to see Call-me-Arnold again. I think I have some peacemaking to do after last time. Who knew hair could be so flammable?

**15 minutes later**

Walking to town. Walking I say. This should get me in tip top shape. It's almost 10 minutes to town.

Is it too late to get the bus?

**2 seconds later**

Haha I got an extra 10 squids out of Mutti before! That should sort her's and Vati's pressie. So then I've got £30 for Libby, Angus and Cross-eyed Gordy. But that'll only be like 5 squids so I've got ...err, £25 left for moi!!

Perfectamondo!

Unless I have to get Dave a present? How long have we been going out now? I think it was the 25th of November when he asked me.

Wow I must really like him if I've started remembering useful stuff and not just _mon oiseux a perdu son plume._

So that was the 25th... and today is the 11th of December. So that's... 16 days. Hey, my maths is getting better too!

So that's like 2 weeks or so... long enough to be buying each other xmas pressies? Hmm...

**2 minutes later**

Oh giddy god's pyjamas I've just seen Dave! He is looking tres yummy scrumboes if I say so myself and I do.

"Morning Gee," Dave said and leaned in to give me a number 3. Aww.

"Nunnng."

What?! I'm not even jelloid and I can't talk.

Unless I am jelloid. Can you be jelloid without knowing it? Is Big G playing tricks on me? Or is that a different Big G controlling all the jelloid stuff?!

That would explain sooooo much!

So then it's not been Big G screwing up all my rack of love and cake shop fiasco in my life but Big Jelloid G. He will have hell to pay for when I get up there.

**1 second later**

Unless he lets me and Dave live happily together as official snogging partners for... a very long time. Then I will forgive Big Jelloid G.

**3 seconds later**

"Gee you ok?"

Oh crap I've not spoken in like... a sehr sehr long time. Dave must think I'm vair vair stupid like ADM. I should really say something. Like... now. SPEAK!

**1 second later**

"HEY!"

Oops. Maybe that was a bit too hyper-ish. Dave looks like he's just seen a ghost. Or a gigantibus flying Big Jelloid G with a cape. That would be scary bananas. But also kinda cool with the flying fandango. It would be vair marvy to be able to fly. I would so fly over to Dave's all the time to see him... nothing rudey dudey intended though you cheeky minxes!! I meant to talk meaningfully. And snog. Snogging is good.

**2 seconds later**

Lord Sandra what is with my head? I've got jelloid brain definitely.

Dave is looking at me funny. Like I've fallen out the crazy tree. Out the crazy tree and into the whirlwind of ballisiticisimus.

But with my family I suppose it was only inevitable.I'm just thankful I didn't get Vati's badger business. A female moustache is not attractive and that is le fact.

I think I've been punished enough what with my hugemongus conk and gigantibus nunga-nungas. Why couldn't I have had nicely-shaped parents? Nicely-shaped parents that supply a lot of food and go away regularly.

Is that so much to ask?

**5 seconds later**

Oh gott in himmel I keep forgetting to talk!

Dave is still looking a like a stunned sheep.

"Shall we shop?" I asked and Dave snapped out of his day-dream whatsit as quick as a quick thing.

He grinned and took my hand, "Right away madamn."

Hehe he's talking like a posh git again. Oh what larks.

**10 minutes later**

We just stumbled into River Island talking like Ross and Rachel do on friends when they're drunk in Vegas. It was vair amusant.

We waddled up to this model and Dave started saying stuff like, "Well helllllo. Oh hellllo."

Then I chipped in with the classic, "Oh HAIIIII!"

And several people, (i.e. everyone) jumped out their skin.

We both laughed like loons and legged it from the store to avoid a duffing up from the scary bananas looking security man.

**45 minutes later**

I'm actually doing alright with this Christmas shopping lark. Got Vati a new razor, as such is the generosity of me. Plus then I can have his old one for my legs to avoid the orang-utan gene. See, everybody wins.

Dave tried to help me pick Mutti's present which I'm trying not to be scared about. But he did seem rather keen to help me get her a new over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

I exploded right there outside La Senza. "DAVE! Are you trying to scare me for life?!"

Dave laughed a like a loon and said, "Chill your haricots Gee I'm only joking. I'd much rather buy you one. By the way, what size are you?"

I then duffed him with my bag and ran speedily away.

But apparently not speedily enough because he pummelled into me like 20 metres later and we nearly went flying into some stacks of pantilizer dolls if you get my nub and gist. Libby would have a field day of doll-making here you see.

I think my whole body went jelloid when Dave wrapped his arms round me to stop me running away. So I just collapsed in his arms pretty much. Mucho scrummyness.

**1 second later**

Anyway after the pantalizer nearly-fiasco we sorted out a _different_ pressie for my Mutti. Leather gloves.

And she says I never pay attention to her. I know she's going for the whole Grease look at the mo.

It looks completely hideous and grim but that is her choice to make.

**5 minutes later**

Dave said, "I'm feeling peckish. Fancy a bite to eat?"

I nodded, "Starving. My only option for breakfast was a dried grape so I generously left it for Libby."

Dave laughed and dragged me into hampsons.

Why's he laughing? I'm telling the truth.

**20 minutes later**

Walking round town with my pasty. Dave ate his in like one bite. There must be even less food at his house than at mine.

"You are a really slow eater Gee." Dave laughed. "Here let me help you." And then he took a bite out of my pasty! While it was in my mouth! That is so not correct boyfriend decorum!

"Dave!" I shouted, (after swallowing that is). He just shrugged and said, "I thought you didn't want it."

I grinned. Why am I grinning? I should be frowning.

But it's so hard to frown around a Laugh...

**10 minutes later**

Libby's pressie is sorted. I got her some chocolates and a Santa's hat. She likes to play dress up. A lot.

I'll just give Angus and Gordy some of my old socks to savage. That'll please them no end.

I now have 20 squids left. And I still don't know whether I should buy Dave an Xmas pressie. Not that I'd get it now with him here. But it's good to know. Otherwise I can go buy that eyeliner and lippy I saw in Boots...

**30 seconds later**

"So Gee what do you want for Christmas?" Dave asked as he swung my arm around. Wow talk about freaky bananas. He most definitely has a touch of the mystic meg about him.

"I err, erm..." Warning: you are entering Ellen land. Retreat with your arms held high.

"Err, you?"

Did I just say that? I have officially reached new levels of sadiosity. What happened to my amazing glaciosityness?!!

Dave laughed and pulled me round into a hug. I hope no one is looking.

No wait screw that, I hope everyone is looking and is jealous that I have such a groovy-looking boyfriend who looks like he's about to snog me.

**2 seconds later**

Snogging Dave. Just a number 4 but it's vair vair good. No sign of a number 5. But it's just as well not to do it in town. I don't fancy collapsing right here.

**3 minutes later**

"Ok," Dave said, "You can have me. Do you want me in a box or bubble wrapped?"

"Bubbled wrapped all the way." I laughed.

Haha now I'm imagining Dave covered in bubble wrap waddling and rolling his way down the street.

**3.00pm**

Outside my house. Dave is looking a tad nervous. He probably thinks I'm going to come up with some lame excuse like I normally do and not let him in my house.

But I won't.

Because 1, I already told him he could come inside. And 2, I've ran out of excuses.

**1 minute later**

"Come on," I said pulling at Dave's hand. "Shall I leave the door open so you can make a quick exit as soon as she see what a lunatic asylum you're about to enter?"

Dave grinned, "I'm sure I'll be fine," and he shut the door behind us.

"Ok," I said thankful Mutti and Vati weren't in the hall. Maybe we can make it to my bedroom without them knowing Dave's here?

**30 seconds later**

Phew!!

Made it alive! And by that I mean with no interrogations or "witty" comments from the Olds. In fact they were relatively normal.

I shouted out, "I'm home!" and then Vati grunted something back that sounded like, "Spent all my money have you?" But if it was then I ignored it.

**2 minutes later**

Oh in all things biscuity I have Dave the Laugh in my room! This is deffo jelloid territory though I'm also feeling tres nervous as well.

I think it's because the last time he was in my room was the night when he was in the car crash. Merde merde. Don't think of it.

**20 seconds later**

"Your house isn't scary!" Dave said sitting on my bed. Eek!

"Dave," I said in all my wisdomness, "You've been here like a minute or something. There's plenty of time for things to take a trip down the valley of the insane."

Dave laughed then and pulled me onto the bed next to him. Double eek!

Is Big Jelloid G feeling kind?! Please be feeling kind. Vair vair kind.

**2 seconds later**

Dave leaned into me really really slowly and my lips puckered up at once. But then he stopped with a teeny weeny space to go and said, "Are you expecting a snog Miss Georgia Nicolson?"

I shook my head as my mouth was kinda stuck.

Dave chuckled quietly and said, "I think your lips disagree." Oh.

But then he leaned in the whole way and snogged me! And I mean like a proper snog me silly snog! Snog me all the way to jelloid land and back!

No wait not back, let's just stay in jelloid land forever and ever and ever. I LOVE YOU BIG JELLOID G!

But not in that way.

**3 minutes later**

Still snogging Dave. La de daaa la de daaa.

Yummy scrumboes extraordinaire with knobs on top!

**2 minutes later**

Number 5! Woop!

And this time I actually managed to control myself and not fall over! Or maybe I did but just didn't notice because we're on a squishy bed.

Come to think of it, how did I get to be lying down? With Dave on top of me?

OH MY GIDDY GOD! Dave is on top of me! Snogging me! Is he planning to just skip number 6 and 7 and go straight for 8?!

**2 seconds later**

Maybe not. His hands are by my side and on my face, deffo not near any breasty business.

**1 minute later**

NUMBER 6!!

I feel like shouting, "HOUSTAN, WE HAVE REACHED NUMBER 6!"

But I won't. Because that would require me to stop snogging Dave. Which I don't want to do.

Oh giddy god this feels sooooo lurrrrrvly! Like tip top snogging! Dave doesn't get older, he just gets better.

If we carry on like this we might even get onto a bit of nip libbing.

No wait lip nipping.

LIP NIBBLING.

That's the bugger.

Just a little longer...

**1 second later**

Door just opened.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**2 seconds later**

Dave jumped off me like Jack Flash (who?) and we both turned to look at the door. It was Libby. Brillopads. Not.

"Libby," I said but it came out like a croak after all the snogging, "What do you want?"

She just stood and looked at us both for a bit then legged it over to Dave and ran into his stomach. She is vair hefty for a 5 year old and that is le fact. I'm surprised he didn't topple over. Luckily he caught her though. Even if he did look mucho confused.

"Daveyyyy Boyyyyyy!" She screamed. It sounded a lot like Peter Kay actually when he's singing Danny Boy with helium. Freaky potatoes.

Dave's frowning. Why is he frowning?

"You bed snoggling gingey again weren't you Daveyyy?"

Oh crap merde and double poo.

I ran over and grabbed Libby, "Time to go Libby. I think Angus is calling you!"

**2 seconds later**

Libby's out. Thank Sandra.

Dave's staring at me funny again. Oh crap, he noticed that Libby said _again_. Merde merde and thrice merde!

They haven't met before they haven't met before!

Except they have lots of times but Dave doesn't remember...

**6.00pm**

Ok I'm feeling rather weird. Like I should be vair happy but instead I'm feeling kinda miz.

After the Libby incident Dave tried to carry on like normal but I could tell there was something up with him. He snogged me for a bit more (only number 4) then said he had to get off to see his family.

What did I say? Weird.

Why do I feel bad for not telling Dave the truth? That would only make things bad between us. Mucho bad. And I don't want mucho bad I want sehr sehr happiness with snogs on top like we have now.

It all makes sense in my head.

Unless that's where I've gone wrong?...

**Monday December 12****th**

Only five days left of Stalag 14 before we break up for Crimbo and have lots of free time to shop and snog! Woops galore!

**Tuesday December 13****th**

**9.00pm**

Stupid bloody 13th day!!

I am not superstitious or any of that voley crap but today has gone from the valley of the merde to the black hole of the dommage.

It was the final dress rehearsal of Rom and Jule before opening night which is tomorrow. Anyway all was going swimmingly - well as swimmingly as a day can go when you have to avoid your ex-mates and octopus-type creatures and are followed around by a leechy P. Green – but then after the rehearsal Jas and Rosie can up to me.

I thought maybe they were going to apologise because Robbie said he would talk to them and explain matters but they looked full of angriness. Kinda like Vati after he's just finished _playing _footy with the lads. Or falling over his portly tire in his case.

I started to feel vair nervy b-ish because we were on our own and Rosie did look as though she might give me a bit of a duffing up.

I could take Jas – just aim for the fringe. But Rosie and her Viking business was out of my league.

**2 seconds later**

Luckily it didn't come to that.

Instead Jas said, (still in frown land this is) "Georgia leave Robbie alone."

What?!

I said "What?!"

Jas said, "Stop bothering him and telling him to come and speak to us. If you want to apologise you should do it yourself."

Excuse me?!

"What?!" I said again, "Me and Robbie are mates Jas! MATES! And I didn't ask him to come and speak to you he told me he was going to because he knew that I hadn't done anything wrong unlike you two and the rest of the Un-Ace Gang who are ignoring me for no good reason."

After I said that Rosie growled. No kidding, she actually growled. Jas sort of put her arm across to stop her charging or some lark like that. She really is a Viking.

Jas said, "Georgia you know full well why we are staying away from you."

Do I?

She continued, "We are not getting messed up in your twisted relationship with Dave." Twisted? "I can't believe you're still lying to him and frankly it's disgraceful even for you."

Even for me? What a charmer the voley one is.

"You'd better tell him the truth Georgia," Jas said with a bit of fringe flicking. Shut up fringey. "Or not only will you not have any mates, you won't have a boyfriend either."

**1 second later**

After she said that her and Rosie marched out. I'm pretty sure I heard Rosie growl again as well.

Freaky potatoes right?

I think Jazzy Spazzy needs to get off her high horse she's starting to sound like Wet Lindsey. Vole or an octopus? Either way you've basically lost.

**5 minutes later**

So why after being ambushed by Jas and Rosie do I not feel vair vair angry but rather tres tres miz?

I told Dave I had to rush off and even blubbed a bit when I got home. What's wrong with me?

It's like I know I should be macho-angry at the Ace Gang but all I can think about is how I miss them.

I miss Jas and Rosie and Ellen and Jools and Mabs. I even miss Sven a teeny bit. And I miss the Viking dances and Rosie's pipe and talking about the snogging scale. I think I might even miss Jas's fringe. But then again I may have hit my head before...

**1 minute later**

I wish I had someone to talk to.

But I can't call Dave about this stuff can I? Mostly because we've fallen out because of him.

Well not because of him, because of me. But about him.

I'm tired.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

**Wednesday December 14****th**

**5.00pm**

Opening night of Rom and Jule.

I officially have no life. I've been at Stalag 14 since quarter to 9 and can't leave till like half 8!!

Miss Wilson made us stay on after school to help "prepare".

It's bloody insanity. All me and Dave have done is hide people's costumes and "decorate" various parts of back stage

**1 second later**

Actually it is quite fun.

But the point is I could be home snoozing.

Or snogging.

**2 seconds later**

On a brighter note (ish) I've managed to avoid any more encounters with the Voley and Viking Ones.

Not that Jas notices anyone but herself right now. She's in the "Juliet" mindset or some crapola thing. Though it must be a good break for her to get out her own rambling head. I don't know how she copes.

**Several hours of boredom later**

Oh laaa de daaa de daaa opening night over and done with.

Miss Wilson made us stay an EXTRA ten minutes to congratulate our valiant efforts. I think she still thought we were in the time of the play. Seriously, who uses the word valiant anymore?

I'll tell you who: no one.

**5 minutes later**

All snugly snug in bed.

Dave walked me home again but I didn't have to come up with an excuse for not letting him in my house of loons because he had to rush off to go to some hospital appointment or something.

Who has a hospital appointment at 9?

**1 second later**

Dave, that's who.

**2 seconds later**

I wonder what it was about?

I'm sure it wasn't important anyway.

**Friday December 16****th**

**5.30pm**

Last day of Stalag 14 over and done with before Xmas!

Now just got another play to get through.

Why couldn't we just have done it once? Why three times?!

Well actually I've done it no times as I'm not actually in the play as such but you get my nub and gist.

**6.00pm**

First scene has just started.

Woop-de-doodle-do. Not.

I'm bored already.

Where's Dave?

**5 minutes later**

Found him.

He was in the costume cupboard... I won't even ask.

Luckily he came out wearing his normal stuff and wasn't being his "sister" again. Although that was vair amusant...

"Hey Dave!" I said cheerfully. Too cheerfully. What is wrong with me? I should be in a clinical state of depression I am basically at a Rom and Jule play for crying out loud!

"Hi Georgia," Dave said quietly.

Ouchy he doesn't look too good.

"You ok?" I asked in a kind way because I am such a kind person.

"Yeah I'm fine."

He's lying. Why's he lying? He's clearly not ok.

**5 minutes later**

Dave keeps rubbing his head.

I bet he has an itch. That's the worst.

**25 minutes later**

Okay this is vair freaky bananas. Dave keeps looking at me randomly during the play. And yet he won't come and stand next to me. What's with that?

I should go over to him.

No. I have way more glaciosity than that.

**30 seconds later**

Went over to Dave.

"You bored beyond the valley of boredom like me?" I said.

"Be right back, I need the loo."

What did I ask?

**10 minutes later**

Ok something really strange just happened. And I mean really strange.

The Voley couple were up to the part in the play with the line;

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?  
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."

Anyway when Dave heard that load of crap he suddenly like perked up. It was vair weird. Like a lightbulb went off or something.

Not literally that's just stupid. But he kinda like jerked awake from a trance he's been in all night.

Maybe now he will finally talk to me and we can get in some much needed snogging.

I think I have snogging withdrawal already but that is the tradgiosity of my life.

**9.15pm**

Walking home on my own.

In the pouring rain.

And I mean pouring rain. It's not even the light rain that gets you soaked, it's actually the full on pelt-me-silly rain I'm going to drown you rain.

I wonder who annoyed Big G?

**1 second later**

Just in case you were wondering, and I'm sure you were, Dave is not with me like normal because after rehearsals he legged it away as quick as a quick thing.

Vair rude if you ask me. I had to wait and endure Miss Wilson's final speech. What larks that was. Not.

**10 minutes later**

I think water has frozen in my shoes. I can no longer feel my toes. Ow.

**1 second later**

What in the name of pantyhose?

Someone is marching up and down the street outside my house. Scary bananas! I hope it's not...

Oh panic over its only Dave!

So that's why he ran off! He wanted to surprise me at my house. Awww! How sweet.

**4 seconds later**

Uh-oh he doesn't look too happy. In fact he looks sehr sehr angry.

But he does look gorgey porgy with wet hair. Yummy scrumboes.

**10 seconds later**

Dave saw me and his frown got worse. Ouchy. Or is he blubbing? No, it's just rain. Just rain just rain just rain.

He walked up to me and stopped really close. Hmm, maybe he's just angry because of lack of snogging like me? That's understandable.

I leaned up on my tip toes to start the snogging but then this weird thing happened. Dave put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me down onto the ground again.

He was not gentle either. Ow bloody ow. What was that for?

**2 seconds later**

I think Dave has realised that he hurt me because he removed his hands vair quick from my shoulders.

"Georgia," he said. It was really quiet but really forceful at the same time. Scary potatoes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Oh merde merde merde. I can't feel my legs. And not in a good jelloidy way.

I stayed silent. It's not what I think. I'm just assuming the worst. It's not it's not it's not.

**1 second later**

"Georgia why didn't you tell me anything?" Dave said a lot louder this time. And it came out like a growl.

Oh Christ on Bike he knows! He knows everything!

What do I do?! What should I say?!

**1 second later**

Dave said again, even louder, "How could you not tell me anything about us?!"

I said without thinking, or shouted rather, "How could you not remember me?!"

Oh crap. Why did I say that?

Dave looks a bit stumped. And not in the tree rooty way.

He opened his mouth to speak, "Not remember you?! I was in a bloody car crash Georgia! Don't you dare try and turn with on me!"

Oh no, he's definitely blubbing now. And so am I. Proper tears. Tears that just keep on streaming out like that night I found out he was in a car crash.

"You remembered Tom and and your parents and-"

Dave cut me off, "I knew them before! I didn't choose what I remembered or not! But you chose not to tell me when you should have!"

"I... I didn't want you to know..."

"You didn't want me to know what?!" Dave shouted in the rain, "That you used me as a red-herring? That you continually cheated on people with me? That you may have used me? Because believe me Georgia, me thinking any of that stuff about you is a lot better than what I'm thinking of you now!"

I'm blubbing too much. I need to get away. Why can't I get away? My legs are stuck to the ground. And my blubbing eyes are stuck to Dave's.

"I thought it was for the best..." I mumbled, "How can you not understand?"

Dave's eyes widened and I'm sure I saw more tears spill out.

"How can I not understand?" He yelled. "How can you not tell me I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

What?! Dave was in love with me?! In love with me...

**Wow, my first story completed!! Thanks to all my amazing reviewers I shall be leaving an author's note at some point to thank you all individually! **

**Also if you're interested in a sequel let me know in a comment, and also let me know what you think of this final chapter!**

**Was I mean? Or was it a good ending? **

**Oh and before I forget... here's a link to my deviantart page... be sure to check out all my gee nic related drawings! And the one saying "A Laugh is for Life, not just for Christmas" is possibly the title of the sequel... (??)**

**.com/**

**THANKS MUCHO TO ALL MY READERS & REVIEWERS AND MERRY CHRISTMASSSSSS!!!! XD**

**HORN'S OUT!! ;)**


	18. End Author's Note & Preview

Hey everyone!! XD

My first fanfic story is now over. Sad times I know but there will be a sequel! Woop!

I hope you all enjoyed it... and thanks to all my reviewers...

_Kathy g, dave-4-gee, xHoHuMpIgSbUmx, weatherwitch.x.X.x., Double Awesomeness with Knobs, darcyLoVesmarissa, Gossip613, xBabimiax, Kyramy, qwertyuiop098, livontheedge, mbmimi, GeeNicolsonxDtheL, .cullens, Trampy Mouse, Rosiee Posiee, AvatarBliss, Stephbritt, Mel217, LateKate16, TiNkYwInKyLiV456, vairvairdee, SoBo113, Sara93, Miss Georgee, Rosiee, LaughKittyKatForEver, KKcKat3, Sara, LaughLvr, MissMolly725, Nat3Brian, Steffers, Silly steph, Rarax1, DiscoEmmey, Tilly, .ok, Sophstar, Edward4eva411_

I love you all so soooo much!

And special mention to... _**qwertyuiop098, LaughKittyKatForEver, SoBo113, darvyLoVesmarissa, & Trampy Mouse**_– you guys reviewed me 10 times or more!!!! If I had a golden egg I would give you all one.

But unfortunately I don't, so you'll have to settle for my love and praise XD

And... _**qwertyuiop09**__8, _you were my top reviewer and always made me laugh reading your long and hilarious comments :P 2 golden eggs for you hahaaaa

Okay I realise now (I'm vair stupid) that the link to my deviantart didn't work... but if you go on my profile there's one there that works. I hope.

The sequel is to be called **"A Laugh is for Life, not just for Christmas**". (There's actually a drawing of this you'll see on deviantart).

But I'm not gonna post this fic till late jan, early feb I think because I need to crack down on some college work for a bit (though it's not nearly as fun and you do NOT get reviews XD)

But in the mean time check out a fanfic I'm doing with a friend called **"Flattened by a Laughing Camel". **

You'll see it in my fav stories list. It's set after LIAMTT & a Dave/Gee fic of course. It may start off similar to others, but trust me there are some brillopads ideas in there and we have thought it out well. I think. XD

Give it a read anyway and let us know what you think.

Also for any Twilight fans, if you go to my page and go to the stories section... there's a one shot called **"Together at Last"**.

It's set during Breaking Dawn while Edward and Bella are on their honeymoon and it gets rather... detailed as they err... work their way up the snogging scale let's say ;)

But check it out it's totally different from anything I've written for Georgia. But beware it is rating M if that drops anymore hints for you...

So I leave you now. But not alone...

because I love you so much, below there is a little section from the start of the sequel.

It's not very long... but it's better than nothing.

"_You didn't want me to know what?!" Dave shouted in the rain, "That you used me as a red-herring? That you continually cheated on people with me? That you may have used me? Because believe me Georgia, me thinking any of that stuff about you is a lot better than what I'm thinking of you now!"_

_I'm blubbing too much. I need to get away. Why can't I get away? My legs are stuck to the ground. And my blubbing eyes are stuck to Dave's. _

"_I thought it was for the best..." I mumbled, "How can you not understand?"_

_Dave's eyes widened and I'm sure I saw more tears spill out. _

"_How can I not understand?" He yelled. "How can you not tell me I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU!"_

**Friday December 16****th**

**5 minutes later**

Standing in the rain like the drenched twit I am without a Laugh. Definitely without a laugh...

Dave left a few minutes ago. But I'm still staring down the street at where he went. After he half screamed, half cried at me he just turned and walked away. Just like that.

**2 seconds later**

He said he was in love with me. Like actually _in love _with me. Not just the Queeny love he was messing around with back on the camping the fiasco. Oh man alive the camping fiasco. It feels so long ago. Wait... it _was_ so long ago. Long ago before everything got screwed up.

I should be jumping for joy right now. The boy that I possibly might love myself in a serious lovey-love kind of way has just confessed his love for me.

But... he said "_was_ in love with you". As in he's not anymore? I guess that's why I'm feeling like the morning vole has crapped on me then.

**5 seconds later**

He was yelling all that stuff about how I should have told him.

He's right. Jas is right. Rosie is right. Everyone is right. Everyone but me.

I should have listened to them. I should have told him as soon as he asked me out that first time.

But... but I couldn't have told him about the love thing. I mean, I didn't _know _about the love thing. Does he not remember that he never told me? He seems to have remembered everything else now.

**1 second later**

He remembered that he loved me.

He loved me. Me!

Dave the Laugh loved me!

**1 minute later**

He remembered that he loved me.

But I guess he wants to forget it again now.


End file.
